Author: Elena

I was born and raised in the Bay Area. Growing up, I went to Berkeley public schools up until I left California to attend McDaniel College, located in Westminster, MD. I graduated from McDaniel College with a B.A. in Theatre Arts with a focus in Acting.

Collaboration/Working Together

Hey everyone. I know that it has been a long time since my last post. But here I am back again after a three month break. A lot has been happening. I am going to dive back in. As a person and as a writer I love working by myself. It is nice to have solitude and do things on your own, but there is power in working together with other people. That is what this post is all about. It is about collaboration and working together. I am going to dive right into my first and only quote for this post. Mattie Stepanek says “Unity is strength… when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved.” In other words, there is so many wonderful things that happens when people work together. It is a truly magical experience. The following poem is one that I wrote with a fellow writer on Deep Underground Poetry and we won first place. I hope you enjoy!

With Renewed Strength (Written with Verdonna)

And what could I say
That wasn’t already said
Swallowing the words

Come back to me, but it is
Too late as you left me here

Broken in pieces
Unable to recover
Mortally wounded

I was not the same person
You once knew and could control

I outgrew your hold  
and I attempt to patch work  
myself whole again.

You will never break me down
As I will come back swinging

Landing blow by blow  
Crushing you under my fist  
Feel the rage I felt

I will cut you down as you  
Have become my enemy.

Evolution of the Butterfly

I think there is so much we can learn from a butterfly. It comes from a cocoon, turns into a caterpillar and then evolves into a butterfly. It goes through the different stages in life. That is what this post is about and I thought now would be a perfect time to share this post since we are a little more than halfway through the year. To start off I want to bring up a quote by one of my favorite poets, Maya Angelou. She says “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” So in other words, butterflies represent change and becoming a butterfly does not simply happen overnight. A butterfly grows, adapts and goes through life-altering changes. We have to appreciate the changes it goes through to become a butterfly. There is so much more I can say, but I think that I will leave it there.

Blooming Butterfly

From the cocoon she grows
Into something big, lovely,
Bold and majestic. She shows
Us that life is about recovery
And surviving through any
Storm. How I want to be like
Her, flying and even with many
People doubting her despite
Her strength – she conquers all.
She breaks through every wall.

Frida Kahlo Tribute

I have decided to go back to writing tribute posts to certain writers, poets, artists and those I find inspirational. This post is dedicated to Frida Kahlo whose birthday is right around the corner. She was a very influential artist of her time. Her paintings are quite unique. I remember seeing a Frida Kahlo exhibit at the Portland Art Museum. It really opened my eyes up a lot. I have seen a lot of her work over the years. But here is a poem inspired by one of her quotes. Here is the quote I was inspired by. Frida Kahlo says the following. “Fall in love with yourself, with life, and then with whoever you want.” That is about it for this post. Here is a poem to enjoy.

Do Whatever the Hell You Want To

I hope you look in the mirror and
Fall in love with the jagged, broken
And imperfect pieces of you. Your hair,
Body and skin may not be perfect, but
You, my darling, were never handed
A map for perfection. You have awoken
From a deep slumber as your love affair
With yourself is beautiful. Trust your gut

Instinct life is beautiful and so are you.
Your mind and body go to war, but fall
In love with your life instead of worrying
About who is going to love you. Some
Day you will fall in love with someone who
Is meant for you, never letting your wall
Crumble like a castle. You are freeing
Yourself from expectations. You are the sun.

Moving on From Heartbreak

I know this is a subject I have talked about many times. But I thought I would share some more thoughts on this subject, especially the aftermath or what happens after the heartbreak. I have to admit that I have had my heart broken at least a few times. It is something that is hard to move on from and it takes time to really heal. It could take days, weeks, months and some times even years to really move on. There is no definite timeline for how long it takes because it varies person to person. That is why we should not be defined by our heartbreaks because we have all experienced at some point or another. That brings me into my first quote of this post. “You are not defined by a heartbreak. You are defined by how you rise above it and move forward.” In other words you should never be judged or defined by how you experienced heartbreak, but by how you go above it and move on. It is as simple as that.

It is better to move on than stay and dwell on it. It is okay to sit and reflect on it for a little bit, but at some point you have to move on. I know that it is hard to see the good side after a heartbreak, but there is a good side to getting heartbroken, trust me. That leads me to my next quote. Heidi Klum says “I’ve been heartbroken. I’ve broken hearts. That’s part of life, and its part of figuring out who you are so you can find the right partner.” In other words, heartbreak is a part of life. It really tests and makes sure the right people are in your life. I have been on both ends of heartbreak. I have been on the giving and receiving ends of it. Either way it is no fun. But at the end of the day you deserve the right person/people in your life. I could probably go and on about this subject, but I will conclude right here.

I will leave you with one final quote and apologies for it being so long, but it essential. “Heart break. Everyone at some point in their life is going to experience it. And, you know what?It’s probably one of the most painful things a person has to go through. I’m not going to lie. When you get your heart broken, it feels like it shattered into a million pieces. It’s like that person you were head over heels for stomped mercilessly on your heart. It feels like your heart is being shredded to pieces, cut up, and thrown in the trash, left to rot. It hurts a lot, emotionally and physically. Getting heart broken actually makes your heart physically hurt. You cry and cry and wish it wasn’t like this. You wish it was just a temporary nightmare. But, the sad truth? It’s not. It’s reality. And you’re going to just have to accept it, the pain and all.” In other words, heartbreak hurts, but you just have to accept it all and move on. Here is a poem to enjoy. Cheers!

Moving On from Heartbreak

I stood waiting for my heart to repair
Itself but little did you know you had
The power to break it. That despair

I felt did nothing to replace the bad
Feeling I had that this was the end,
But I still have to protect and clad

Myself in the finest armor to send
A message you could never break
Me or my heart. You left me to fend

For myself as the wolves would take
Everything I once held sacred. You
Mistook my kindness for a snake

You can easily get rid of. As my blue
Sky came back to life I knew in this
Moment I would be ok. You misconstrue

What it took me to move on. My bliss
Would not be destroyed by your abyss.

Spring

I know that I have probably talked about spring before, but I thought I would love to talk about it again. Spring is one of my all time favorite seasons right up there with fall. This winter has been particularly brutal in Portland so I know I have been looking forward to spring this year. I will dive right in with a quote by Jen Selinsky who says “The promise of spring’s arrival is enough to get anyone through the bitter winter!” In other words, just thinking about spring is good enough to get us through those winter blues. There is something amazing about warmer days and flowers that come into bloom. There is nothing better.

I do not want to make this post super long. I will conclude with one final quote. This one is by Rainer Maria Rilke who says “It is spring again. The earth is like a child that knows poems by heart.” Like I said before there is something amazing about spring. It is truly magical and wonderful. Go out there and enjoy. I know that I will do the same. Enjoy the following poem!


Spring
There must be something in the spring air
As the ice and frost melts from our bones.
Winter is far behind us in the rear view
Mirror. Rosy cheeks and happiness that
Creep in like splattered sunshine. Our hair
Blowing in the wind as there are unknowns
In world, but just like we know spring to
The core we know that there is attraction
To warmer days and flowers blossoming.
There is something truly magical coming.

National Poetry Month

I know that April has come and gone so quickly. April is probably one of my favorite months for at least a couple of reasons. It is one of the first months of spring and spring is one of my favorite seasons right up there with fall. Spring is the time of year when we get out of our winter blues and it brings out all the flowers, nicer weather. Another reason why it is one of my favorite months is because it is National Poetry Month! And you know what that means for me as a poet. I honestly think that we need poetry months throughout the entire year, but that is just my personal opinion.

As many of you know by now poetry means the world to me. I came across it from a very young age. Whether it was reading everyone from Shel Silverstein to Dr Seuss and yes, I do consider them to be poets. Langston Hughes, Mary Oliver, Maya, Angelou, T. S. Elliot, Walt Whitman, etc. The list goes on and on. And as I have gotten older my repertoire of poets has increased. Everyone from Rupi Kaur, to R. H. Sin. That list goes on and on too. When I got to middle school that is when I discovered that I enjoyed writing poetry. It is when I was in 8th grade and we focused on writing poetry. I really credit Mr. Rose, my 8th grade English teacher for strongly encouraging me to write poetry.

From that moment on I was hooked on poetry. I do not know what I would do without poetry in my life. It really came and made my life better in a lot of ways. It encouraged and uplifted me. When I started off writing it was about my grandma’s experience moving from Arkansas to California and my green eyes then it evolved from there. For me poetry is deeply personal and it is like sharing a piece of my heart. Consider yourself lucky if I have shared poems with you.

I thought I would do something a little different. I thought I would share some of my favorite poets and poems. At the end of the post I will still share one of my poems. Lets kick off with some classics. Mary Oliver, Langston Hughes and Maya Angelou. Let’s start off there. With Mary Oliver I’ve got to say I have some favorites. One of her poems I have come to love a lot more recently is “Wild Geese.” She has a lot of other great poems like “The Journey,” “When Death Comes,” etc. I want to take a deeper diver into her body of work. Here is her poem “Wild Geese.”

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Another one of my favorite poet is Maya Angelou. She was one of the very early on poets I started following. I would say my favorites by her include “Phenomenal Woman,” “And Still I Rise,” and “Caged Bird.” Her poems are deeply personal and amazing in general. Here is her poem “Caged Bird.”

A free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wing
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

As in terms of more recent poets or contemporary poets I have discovered is Rupi Kaur. I was actually very fortunate to see her in person with my best friend when Rupi came to Portland. I do not know how I initially came across her. I think I kept on seeing her poetry come onto my feed on Instagram and then I started reading more of her work. A lot of her work is deeply personal and in a lot of ways I found myself relating to what she was writing. I would say I have a lot of favorite pieces by her. Everything from “legacy,” to “you are too late,” “the underrated heartache” and “friendship nostalgia.” She writes what people consider to be Instapoetry. The poems you see constantly on Instagram. I like how she does poetry and drawings. She is super talented in that way and that makes her stand out. Here is her poem “friendship nostalgia” that makes me think of my best friend who I went with when I saw Rupi Kaur read her poems in person. I love you so much Marcia.

i miss the days my friends
knew every mundane detail about my life
and i knew every ordinary detail about theirs
that us
the walks around the block
The long conversations when we were
too lost in the moment to care what time it was
when we won and celebrated
when we failed and celebrated harder
when we were just kids
now we have our very important jobs
that fill up our very busy schedules
we compare calendars just to plan coffee dates
that one of us eventually cancels
cause adulthood is being too exhausted
to leave our apartments most days
i missing knowing i once belonged
to a group of people bigger than myself
that belonging made life easier to live

Okay, I know this post is super long, but bear with me. I am featuring one final poet R. H. Sin. And I know that he is a poet I have not talked about before. I would group him into the the same category as Rupi Kaur. I think I started coming across his work on Instagram. I would consider it the Instapoetry category. His work is deeply personal too. A lot of his poems are short and simplistic, but he still gets his words across. He has a lot of poems I like and a lot of them are featured on his Instagram. I cannot name any of them, but I will still share of my favorites that I came across more recently. Here it is.

You see, here’s the thing. Anyone who expects
you to settle for the bare minimum that they are
seemingly only capable of giving will never truly
love you in the way your heart needs and
deserves. I know it’s so easy to choose or go
back to what feels familiar but if that feeling is
not something that makes you feel completely
loved and genuinely desired then it’s time to do
something different.
Old roads will not lead you to something better
and the people who are comfortable with
providing less will never match your effort or be
in a position to do more of what you need.
This year is about releasing what no longer
belongs in your life. This year is about freeing
yourself from the chains of settling for less than
you deserve.

I hope that you can get a glimpse into why I love poetry. It is something that be so deeply personal. I love sharing poetry whether it is from one of my favorite poets or one of my own. It is a special bond and I am lucky enough to share that bond with my own friends and family, including my mom and closest friends. I remember I struggled with a poetry class I took in college because we had to share poems and we would critique each other’s work. Like I have said before, a lot of my poetry I write is deeply personal and to have people look at that and critique it was challenging. I remember everything from writing about my grandpa’s death to writing an elegy for my dad’s friend who died. We had different subjects to talk about from childhood memories to other things. My favorite parts was sending them to my mom for her feedback because I trusted what she had to say. In a lot of ways that helped us become closer. On that note I will share one of my own poems that I wrote a lot more recently. Cheers and I hope that you have enjoyed this post as much as I have.


Poetry as a Lifeline
You gave me a clean conscious and slate
To start over again. It is like everything in
My mind and things piled high on my plate
Have suddenly disappeared. You have been

There constantly through the highs, lows
And everything in between. You gave me
Every breath and you gave me every rose
When all of mine faded and died. You see

Me standing there and made me realize
That I am never alone. You are my lifeline
Day in and day out. You made me alive
When I am barely there. Like a skyline

Above my head you are there on every
Single page being the closest thing I got
To perfection. You see every core memory
I choose to share like a diary entry. I forgot

What life was like without you. So to you
I am grateful. You make my heart less blue.

Girl Power

I know it has already been a month and even longer than that at this point that I have last posted something. My apologies for that. I am going to dive right into this post. This month is Women’s History Month. I wish we did not have to get a month out of the whole year because we should be celebrating women every single day of the year. Without women none of us would be here. I am proud to come from a strong line of women, especially my mom, who in my eyes is the very definition of a strong woman. She amazes me every single day. Without her I would not be here in this world. This post is not just about me, but about the women who came before me as well as the girls/women who will come after me. I want to start off with a quote by Amy Sherman-Palladino who says “Girl power in my mind is to let girls be exactly what they are. Let them be angry. Let them be resentful. And rebellious. Let them be hard and soft and loving and sad and silly. Let them be wrong. Let them be right. Let them be everything. because, they are everything.” In other words, girl power is all about letting them be who they truly want to be.

At the end of the day… girl power is all about women supporting women because often we get knocked down and tear each other apart. That is the most hurtful thing we can do because from the moment we are born we are pitted against each other and are taught that everything is a competition. Life is not a competition and that is a fact. That leads me to my next quote. “A strong woman is someone who raises other women up instead of tearing them down.” In other words the embodiment of a strong woman is one who lifts other women up instead of tearing them down. Here is one final quote and this one is from my favorite tennis player. Serena Williams says “Every woman’s success should be an inspiration to another, we’re strongest when we cheer each other on.” In other words, we should be everyone’s cheerleader, especially when they have success. I could go on and on about this subject but I will conclude here. This post and poem goes out to all the women I have come across in my lifetime, from my mom, to my sister, aunts, cousins, friends, co-workers, and even strangers who have showed me what a strong and successful woman looks like. This one is for you and I love every single one of you!

Girl Power

My dear, I see the pain and suffering in your eyes,
But you are the movers and shakers of the world.
You are the reason why I have the blood running in
My strong veins. Your pain is my pain and the guys?
They do not know what it is like to hold the curled
Words and watch them disappear into thick skin

So no one else sees their wounds. You are a warrior
And goddess no one else can ever become. Through
And through you are tough like leather. Like a star
You shine. You are becoming a healer and worrier
Because that is what the generations before you
Carried with them on their backs. You may be far

From the womb where you originally came from
And the shoulders you once were carried upon, but
You are never far from the heart and the feet that
Carried you up the stairs. You are never like a crumb
That people can forget about because you are what
People call strong like the sun. You are never the flat

Corners of the earth because they are non-existent.
You are the gold in the mines. You are the flames of
The fire burning bright and like the beacon of hope
You are what this world needs now, a persistent
Presence that is not going anywhere. You are loved,
Do not forget that. There are days when the ropes

And your eyes are going to become way too heavy.
You are the little girl and the woman who never gave
Up, so keep swinging and keep fighting for what your
Ancestors fought for as they repaired a broken levee
Not for you or anyone to destroy, but for you to pave
The way. My dear, you are opening your own door.

Love That Destroyed Us

You know the feeling of falling in love? It is exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. It sometimes has the power and ability to destroy us. That is the type of love I will be talking about in this post. Love is a dangerous thing. That brings me to my first quote of this post. “Love is a dangerous weapon; it can either heal you or destroy you completely.” So in other words, love can either help and heal you or it can destroy and break you. It is one thing or another, not both. If you are lucky you will find someone who has the power to destroy you, but does not do so in the end. Hang onto that person because they are one of a kind. We all want to hurt someone, especially when they hurt or try to destroy you. They either do it accidentally or on purpose. The mature thing is to just walk away because as much as you want to hurt or destroy someone who did the same to you it is better to take the higher road. That leads me into my next quote. “Maturity is when you have the power to destroy someone who did you wrong, but you breathe, walk away, and let life take care of them.” In other words, it is better to let karma do its work.

This is going to be a short post, so I will conclude with one final quote and that will be it for this post. There is a reason why some relationships fail while others do not. That leads me into my final couple of quotes of this post. “Most relationships tend to fail. Not because of absence of love. Love is always present. It’s just that one loves too much and the other loves too little.” In the end, that is why love can destroy us. There is one more quote to wrap things up here. Anna Todd says “When you love people, you don’t let them destroy you along with themselves, you don’t allow them to drag you through the mud. You try to help them, try to save them, but the moment that your love is one-sided or selfish, if you keep trying, you are a fool.” I think that quote is self explanatory and sums up what this post is all about. I hope you enjoy the following poem which won me a competition I participated in on DUP.

Love as a One-Way Street

We were like embers in the night sky
Burning bright only for us to see, but
How is it that our signals got tangled?
In hindsight you were the wrong guy
For I wanted to get you out of the rut
You were stuck in while you handled

Me like a dynamite stick… too damn
Cautious and shut down a possibility
To rekindle what we lost in the fire.
You wanted to move on as I slammed
The door closed. I take no responsibility
For your happiness as I have no desire

To love someone who stopped loving
Me in return. You got your wish for
Me to stop trying. You may think this
Was all a game or that I was bluffing
Or that I was trying to even the score,
But the truth is that you lost and missed

Every chance. Our love was like a one-
Way street. I had to walk away with my
Head held high and with my love you
Destroyed because even with the sun
In my generous heart I could never try
To hurt yours that remains forever blue.


Forgiveness

I know that this is something I have talked about before… forgiveness. It is such a tricky thing to navigate, but it is something that is important to discuss. Forgiveness is about forgiving others and sometimes it is about forgiving yourself. A lot of the time it is forgiving yourself and others at the same time. That brings me to my first quote of this post. Morrie Schwartz says “Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others.” As we start the new year this is what I think about because in order to move on into a new season/new year forgiveness is a big part of moving on. We do not necessarily have to forgive in order to move on, but forgiveness is something that is important if we want to let go of the things that are hurting us. Even if the other person is not sorry we should learn to forgive them anyways, but like I just said forgiveness is not necessary in order to move on. I think Taylor Swift says it in the best way. She says “You know, people go on and on about, like, you have to forgive and forget to move past something. No, you don’t. You don’t have to forgive and you don’t have to forget to move on. You can move on without any of those things happening. You just become indifferent, and then you move on.” So in other words you do not necessarily have to forgive people.

Like I said before it is important to forgive yourself as much as it is important to forgive others. That is a huge thing we can all learn in life. Yes, forgiving others is important, but forgiving yourself is more important. We are all imperfect and flawed in some way or another. This brings me to my next quote of this post by D. Muthukrishnan. They say “If you cannot forgive yourself, you cannot forgive others.” In other words, forgiving yourself is important in order to forgive others because if we cannot forgive ourselves then how in the hell can we forgive others? Like I said we are all imperfect and make mistakes. We are only human after all. That concludes this post. I hope you take the time to really digest what forgiveness means to you and enjoy the following poem about forgiveness. Before I conclude this post I will leave you with one final quote. Suzanne Somers says “Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.” So in other words, forgiveness is something you give yourself, not to other people. That concludes this post.

Forgiveness

I am sorry… the words that are dripping
From the mouth that should taste sweet
Like honey, but in the heart they taste like
Blood, full of copper and salt. Do you truly
Mean those simple words or are you tripping
Over false words and promises? Your feet
Carry you to the ocean where you dislike
The waves, but drowning in your newly

Found duty to be honest with yourself and
Those you hurt should mean something.
How can you live with yourself when you
Can feel the flames on your skin? How can
You forgive others when you cannot stand
To forgive yourself? Maybe you are numbing
The pain inflicted by others. Maybe the blue
Parts of your soul heal from the pain you ran

Away from. All you know is that forgiveness
Should not feel like something that hurts as
Much as a bullet to the heart. It should not
Have to be as painful as being in love with
Someone who does not love us or give us
What we need in return which are the paths
To redemption and forgiveness. The knot
May become untangled, but you re-breathe

Life. Forgiveness is never easy, but neither
Is leaving her behind – the girl who used
To never believe in forgiveness or apologies.
Now she wears those words proudly on her skin.
I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. The keeper
Of words that used to be fractured and bruised,
But now they are the words of higher qualities,
A different place than where she used to begin.

Lost and Found

Right off the bat I want to wish everyone a happy new year. May this year be great for everyone. Life is all about lost and found. We constantly lose things, but a lot of the time we gain things too. It may not be exactly like the thing we lost, but a lot of the time it is better. That is what this post is about. It is about things we have lost and gained. That brings me to my first quote of the post. “Remember, for everything you have lost, you have gained something else. Without the dark, you would never see the stars.” So in other words, for everything you have lost you will gain something else. People want to tend to focus on the things they lost instead of looking at the things they gained.

I am personally thankful for the things I have gained and lost because it got me to where I am today. That brings me to my next quote which sums up what this blog post is all about. “What you don’t have, you may gain; what you gain, you may lose; what you lose, you may regain. Life is a cycle of gaining and losing. So appreciate things before you lose them. And have faith that whatever you’ve lost will be replaced. Maybe in a different package, but enough to make you whole again.” In other words, we should be thankful for everything in life that comes and goes. You never know when something will come back to you in a different form. I hope that you all enjoy the poem down below.

P.S. I am going to start something new this year on this blog. To get everyone more involved I am going to start doing polls. I am going to leave it up to my readers what I talk about here. I am going to start off by doing it at least once a month and we will go from there.

Losing Me

I thought that losing you would really hurt me,
But it was when I lost myself, piece by piece
That ended up hurting the most because people
Can come and go, but I could never get another

Me. I know deep down there is no magical key
Or solution to getting rid of every single crease
That built me from scratch. Your loss was lethal
Like a bullet to the heart, but mine was what other

Words could not describe… bottomless and little
Hope to remain intact. Even after the dark and
Gloomy days ended there was a real chance for
Hope, but how can I love after a loss so turbulent?

How can I forget that you left me broken and brittle?
It is when I took a look at my heart beating in my hand
That I realized I could not take that chance for the door
To close and leave me behind. Your loss was permanent,

But I was okay with that because in the end I gained my
Happiness as you had no part in making me happy. You
Had no part in gaining the pieces I thought I lost forever.
You had no part in restoring the old me who was not

Broken. You were not part of the reason I stopped crying.
I lost you, but I gained a new sense of hope and a blue
Sky that had me smiling. I was not whoever or whatever
You wanted me to be because I was no longer a tangled knot.