Author: Elena

I was born and raised in the Bay Area. Growing up, I went to Berkeley public schools up until I left California to attend McDaniel College, located in Westminster, MD. I graduated from McDaniel College with a B.A. in Theatre Arts with a focus in Acting.

Saying Goodbye

I know this is a subject that I have talked about many times. So some of this may sound like something I have said before and that is okay. There are a lot of goodbyes that are painful and hard, especially when it comes to saying goodbye to someone you were once very close to. I have had to say goodbye to at least a few people who meant the world to me, whether it was a friendship or a romantic partner in my lifetime. It never gets any easier, but you have to remind yourself why you walked away to begin with and said goodbye to that person. That leads me into my first quote of this post. Robert Tew says “Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realize out worth and value, but because we finally realize our own.” It is for our own sake we have to walk away from someone. Sometimes they bring you down and a lot of the time you do not notice until you walk away and say goodbye.

A lot of the time they do not notice you until you are gone. Sometimes they do not notice at all and that is when you know for sure that saying goodbye was a good decision. Yes, I have said that goodbyes are a lot of the time downright painful but there is nothing more painful than someone who does not want to stay. That is another reason why people say goodbye and that, my friends, takes a whole lot of strength. That leads me to another quote. “It’s painful to say goodbye to someone you don’t want to let go… but more painful to ask someone to stay when you know they want to leave.” In other words it is hard to let go of someone who you love and never want to let go of, but it is even more painful saying goodbye to them when they do not want to stay. That is the hardest pill to swallow.

Saying goodbye is bittersweet. You know it is something that needs to get done though. Instead of thinking that goodbyes are bad, in hindsight they are a good thing because they open you up to other possibilities. They open you up to friendships and relationships that are better for you. People think of goodbyes as sad. That leads me to my next quote by Ernie Harwell who says “It’s time to say goodbye, but I think goodbyes are sad and I’d much rather say hello. Hello to a new adventure.” In other words do not think of goodbye as something sad. I think of it as a way to say hello. I know that for this year in particular I have said goodbye a lot and hello a lot. That is why I am leaving this year with this final blog post. It is all about saying goodbye and saying hello. I wish you all a happy new year! Here is my final poem of 2023. Cheers!

Saying Goodbye

How can I say goodbye to the guy who
Had my heart in the palm of his hand?
I wanted to follow him into the dark, but
I had to protect my happiness and light.

He was one of the few people who knew
Me inside and out. He always planned
Out our life like constellations, but I shut
Him out even when light faded to night

And I wanted to remember all the good
Memories. He is not my future and is not
The one who has my soul anymore. I tried
To forget him like a song on repeat. How

Can I forget someone who understood
My pain? I had to walk away with a knot
In my stomach. Although the tears dried
I could not forget how he broke his vow

To never break the sacred home we built.
That is why our history had to be erased.
There never goes a day when I stopped
Loving him, but I realized that was when

I lost myself. I had to let everything wilt
And die away like a flower. I misplaced
The hope with the love that dropped
And shattered like my heart. Other men

 Could not replace him, but I had to move
On even when it hurts to say goodbye.
I had to move on even with the pain in
My chest and tears in my eyes. I know

In my head and heart I had to remove
Him from my life with no fear of shying
Away from the truth that I have been
Better without him. Now I have a glow.

Fear

We are all afraid of something. Whether it is being alone or being afraid of the darkness or love. Whatever that fear is… we hold onto those fears for dear life and a lot of the time it is hard to let go of those fears. Sometimes those fears change over time and sometimes they stay the same. The main thing is trying to get over those fears because if we stay afraid how can we live our lives? This leads me to my first quote of this post. Rudyard Kipling says “Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are your own fears.” In other words, we cannot listen to our fears. We have to face them head on. For me personally I feel as if I have a few fears. I think one of them is being alone. I feel as if a lot of other people have this fear as well. I know that it is something that I am continuously working on and facing head on. I think I will conclude with one final quote by Robert Kiyosaki who says “Face your fears and doubts, and new worlds will open to you.” That resonates with me a whole lot. Anyways… here is a poem that I will share with you today.

Being Alone In This World

What are you most afraid of?
Being alone I replied. Why?
Because I could be surrounded
By people yet still feel alone.

People can give me all their love
Yet they do not see the tears I cry.
I can be stable and be well grounded
Yet the dirt and every single stone

Beneath my feet may give and no
One would care. Give up your fears,
But how can I trust everyone when
They give me no reason to be free?

Maybe I am afraid of losing my glow
And to be dull. It is losing the years
I spent building myself with the pen
In my grasp. I am afraid of losing me.

Spreading Your Roots

I think I have talked about making BIG changes. I feel like one of the biggest changes I have made as of recently is moving from my hometown of Oakland, CA to Portland, OR. That really has me thinking of this topic I will be talking about in this post. When I think of the meaning of spreading your roots it means to stay in a place where you feel like you found home and spreading your roots/seeds. I think I feel like I am finally starting to find my roots here in Portland. I have been slowly finding my community and feel like it is the place where I want to be for a while.

I have searched for a quote for this post and here is one that I came across. “Spreading your wings doesn’t mean leaving your roots behind; it means embracing the freedom to explore new territories while staying grounded in who you are.” So in other words just because you spread your wings and roots does not mean you forget who you are. It just means you have the freedom and ability to explore new places you have never been to before. In fact it keeps you even more grounded in who you are. Embrace where you come from. And on that note I will stop here. Enjoy the following poem.

Visual poem titled “New Place, New Beginning.” Image copyright by Elena Waller.

Temptation

Just a fair warning to those who read this post. It is going to be a short post because there is so much I could say about this, but I think I will let this poem speak for itself. Temptation… it is never a simple or easy thing/subject to talk about. So I’m just going to share the following poem which got me runner up position for a competition I participated in on DUP. Here you go. Enjoy!

“Temptation” visual poem. Received 2nd place in a competition on DUP.

Revenge

It is a busy time for me so I apologize for not posting anything for a while, but I am back now and let’s dive right in. Let us talk about revenge. Now when people think of revenge they think of something like hurting the person who hurt them because that is what that is the first instinct… to hurt someone who has hurt you. It is kind of like karma or returning the favor. We think of revenge as loud and maybe loud, but honestly the best kind of revenge is quiet. That way the person or people who hurt you do not see it coming. That leads me to my first quote of this post. Pranit Arya says “Sometimes silence is the best revenge.” I have to agree with that one because silence says so much. People expect the worst from you especially when you are hurting and angry, but the best way to get revenge is to stay silent instead of being loud.

The best thing is to never stoop to their level because what they did to you is beneath you and although you want to hurt them you should not really have to. Sometimes they do not mean to hurt you, but sometimes they do it on purpose they have been hurt too. It is just an endless cycle… people who hurt other people. The best revenge is not violence or wanting to hurt that person, but it is to move on, be happy, be yourself and be successful. That leads me to my next and final quote by Alissa Violet who says “The best revenge is no revenge. Move on. Be happy. Find inner peace. Flourish.” In other words do not even bother with revenge because the best revenge is to simply move on and be happy with your life. You deserve that much instead of causing problems and dwelling on people who bring you down. You need to focus on yourself and not others and what they did to you. It is as simple as that. I hope that you all enjoy the following poem.

Sweet Revenge

You wanted her pretty and submissive,
But she was wild and followed her
Own rules. She lived for the danger,
But to you she is sweet and addictive.
It is too bad that she was truly never
Yours because you were only a traitor.

Little did you know that all she wanted
Was revenge and she was dressed for
The kill, never stopping until she gets
What her heart wants. She outsmarted
You in the games and in the endless war.
You think that she would have regrets,

But she has none. She stole your key
To your heart, never to be seen again
As she is driving down the road and out of
Town. Today you might feel freedom,
But tomorrow you will feel her in the rain
And when you least expect her deep love

To seep through the cracks or crevices
She left behind for someone else to
Replace. You may say it is sabotage,
What she did to you, but selflessness
Is what she gave everyone and you
Took advantage of the goodness lodged

In her heart. It may be cold or calculated,
But her revenge mode is activated.

Faded Love

Hi there! I know that I have not posted for quite some time and for that I am sorry. Let’s dive right back in here. I know that I have talked about this subject for quite some time… love. But here I am going to talk about a type of love we do not always typically talk about. Love is not always sunshine or rainbows or flowers. Sometimes there is a type of love that fades away and we cannot always stop it from fading away or disappearing. Sometimes it is as simple as people who do not belong together and you know what… that is perfectly okay. Sometimes love is not that fairy tale or happy ending and this is what this blog post is all about. That brings me to my very first quote by Carolyn Meyer. “What had happened to our love? Somehow it had faded, or worn out, or simply withered away.” Something like love can be simply faded, worn out or withered away and it happens a lot more than we think it does.

This doesn’t always have to be related to love. It can be about anything or anyone in your life that fades away. That leads me to my next quote. “Sometimes you can’t choose what stays and what fades away.” So in other words some things fade and some things stay and you have no control over that. In the end some a lot of things like love simply fade away to make room for something better. That leads me to my next quote by Diego J. Carrillo Díaz who says “One day everything will start fading away and before you know it its all gone for good; making way for new and better things.” So it was like what I was saying before… things fade away to make room for the new and better.

We have to learn how to take care of something as precious as love because if we are not careful it could fade and die. That leads me to my next quote. “Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.” In other words love does not die naturally and we have to learn how to water it and let it grow. We have to learn to fix our mistakes and betrayal. We have to learn how to heal it and make it better. We have to do all of this because otherwise it will get faded, tarnished and withered.

On the other side of the spectrum nothing is going to be permanent including love and a lot of the time you cannot leave yourself empty handed or leave yourself with nothing when you do decide to leave and let that love fade away. That brings me to my next and final quote. “I have come to realise that nothing is permanent. No matter how much love you claimed you have for someone. It can fade away. Yours, or his. Just make sure when that time comes, you still have something left inside of you to keep you moving forward.” I have always learned this the hard way. Love is not always a permanent thing because even if they love you or you love them it still is something that can fade away over time and one of you still has to walk away with love in your hearts. You have to learn that it is okay to walk away if something does not feel right. Just make sure that you leave yourself with something still left inside of you that keeps you moving forward, not backwards or stuck in place.

I know this is a lot to take in and I was trying to make up for lost time with this lengthy post, but there is still a lot to learn from all of this. Like I said before love is not always a sure, definite or permanent thing and that is okay. It can become faded, especially when we do not take care of it. We have to treat it with care like it is something that is delicate and fragile. Otherwise it can wear and tare over time like anything else in life. Faded love is something we do not have control over. So my readers… I hope you learned something from this. And I hope you enjoy the following poem. Cheers!!

Faded Love

I loved you through it all,
The highs, the lows and
Everything in between but
Even as every single wall
Came down with your hand
In mine perfectly it was what
Tore our love into tiny pieces.
Some love is right there like
A shiny new toy and reaches
The stars but ours is on strike
And sits on an abandoned
Shelf, all alone and collecting
Dust along with the flattened
Sense of hope. It is reflecting
On you, not me as I always
Loved you, but you loved me
Far too late when yesterdays
Fade away into weeks. You see
Me for who I really am months
Too late. By then I have already
Moved to someone who confronts
Everything head on with a steady
Presence instead of waiting in
The shadows and for him to love
Me better than you could on even
Ground. So where did the pieces of
Love go when we both fled the scene?
We walked away with hands finally clean.

Out With the Old/In With the New

It is a new year. Happy 2023 everybody. To kick it off here is my first post of the new year. And I am sure it is a familiar subject for most if not all of you. It is out with the old and in with the new. That means we get rid of the old in order to bring in anything new. That leads me to my very first quote of this post. Eileen Caddy says “Life is full and overflowing with the new. But it is necessary to empty out the old to make room for the new to enter.” In other words we pretty much need to de clutter in order to make room for anything new. So this is the end to this post because although I could go on and on about this subject, but I will stop here.

Out With the Old, In With the New

I say goodbye to all the people and things weigh me down
Because if life taught us anything it is the fact that we do not
Deserve it when our megawatt smiles turn into sullen frowns.

Say goodbye to the things that turn our stomachs into knots
Much like a lasso that does not untangle or come undone.
Sometimes we miss the people we used to know and spots

Where we used to hang out. We are more worthy of the sun,
Moon and stars when we trust the people who give them to us
Instead of questioning their motives. Some days we have spun

Out of control, but we learn to let go of the things we fussed
Or fought over. Much like we shed the things that no longer fit
Us like the clothes and skin we used to wear, we adjust

To the changes and loads we must carry. So as the world sits
And watches just remember to breathe and never quit.

Blessings

Life is always a roller coaster ride, filled with many ups and downs. Sometimes we tend to focus on the bad or negative things. On the flip side we sometimes ignore the good or positive things. Whether it is good or bad, positive or negative, it does not matter. What matters is that we need to focus on our blessings. You know that saying a blessing in disguise? That is what this post is about. We can say that when things are going bad it it is a blessing in disguise. That leads me into the first quote of this post by Oscar Wilde. He says “What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessing in disguises.” So when we think of something as bitter or bad or negative it is actually disguised as a blessing or something good.

I could go on and on about this topic but I will conclude by sharing one last quote and this poem to end this year of 2022. Manisha Shrestha Bundela says “Hard times are often blessings in disguise. Let go and let life strengthen you. No matter how much it hurts, hold your head up and keep going. This is an important lesson to remember when you’re having a rough day, a bad month, or a crappy year. Truth be told, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your spirit needs most. Your past was never a mistake if you learned from it. So take all the crazy experiences and lessons and place them in a box labeled ‘Thank You.’” And with that I wish you all a merry Christmas, happy holidays and a happy new year. See you next year!

Good Blessings

I tumbled headfirst yet I still keep
My footing on stable ground.
The light was there as I was deep
In the darkness. I was crowned
With so many blessings even as
The blessings turned ugly and had
Thorns, but my foot was on the gas
Pedal going through all the bad
Patches and weeds trying to slow
Me down. I held my head high
As the constant ebb and flow
Was trickling. Saying goodbye
Was right there on my tongue,
But the blessings kept coming
And made me forever young.
I was walking instead of running
Towards everything I was once
Afraid of. Nothing is diminishing
My spirits or keeps me from the suns
As I am one step closer to finishing.

Simple Gratitude

I thought this post would be great to share with Thanksgiving around the corner. I know I have probably talked about gratitude before, but I will definitely be sharing more about this topic. I have talked about gratitude in the big and small things. In this post I will be talking about having gratitude for the simplest things. That leads me into my first quote of this post by Randy Pausch. He says “Showing gratitude is one of the simplest yet most powerful things humans can do for each other.” Something as simple as gratitude goes a long way and makes this world a better place in the end.

There is that one person who we show gratitude for because they make have brought us from a dark place and brought us into the light. They may have saved us time and time again. That is what the poem I am posting down below is all about. We think about gratitude in terms of objects but gratitude can also be showed in person form as well. That person can be a loved one like a friend or lover or family member. That person does not always need to be someone else because we can also show gratitude towards ourselves. That leads me into my next and final quote of this post by Albert Schweitzer. He says “At times, our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” I want to conclude this post by saying how grateful I am for everything life has to offer.

I am also grateful for the air I breathe, the roof over my head, the clothes on my back, the food on the table and the job I have. Most of all I am grateful for the people who I have surrounded myself with who have been nothing but supportive as I go through good and bad things. Thank you for being on this journey with me. This poem is for you. I also wanted to share that this poem won runner up position for a competition I participated in on DUP.

Visual poem titled “Simple Gratitude.”

Community

I just want to apologize to everyone for the long hiatus. Things have been just crazy with life in general. I am sure that you heard my story of how I got started in poetry. I started writing in middle school and have been in love with it ever since. I use it mostly as an outlet… a way for me to try to get my feelings and thoughts out on paper so I had it somewhere instead of just in my head.

Another reason why I enjoy writing poetry so much is that it gives me a way to connect with others. I really just happened to stumble across Deep Underground Poetry and thanks to a friend of mine who also joined. I am thankful to that friend because Deep Underground Poetry has become a community. It has given me a chance to connect with other writers and it is an environment I feel safe in to be myself and share my work. Here is a quote by Mary Karr who describes it the best. “Poetry is for me Eucharistic. You take someone else’s suffering into your body, their passion comes into your body, and in doing that you commune, you take communion, you make a community with others.” That is what poetry really means to me, especially in the poetry community.

This post is dedicated to the Deep Underground Poetry community and to Bluevelvete who’s work I have been following. The following poem is a competition I participated in and received runner up. Thank you for being an inspiration and giving me the push and drive I need to keep writing. I thank each and everyone from the bottom of my heart. This community has been welcoming and has welcomed me with open arms.

Soft like Velvet

Just like flower petals you open up.
When life is feeling empty and
Extremely heavy you are the cup
That always remains full. You hand

Me parts of your soul and spirit
When mine is giving up. Your words
Bring hope. They are my one ticket
To the light in the darkness. Like birds

You fly me to a safer place. So my
Darling, I hope you never stop letting
The words float across the page die
Away. You are the soft and safe netting,

Protecting everyone. You are the ying
To my yang and the sweet to my sour.
You are like my miracle in the spring.
So I am thankful for you in every hour.