Author: Elena

I was born and raised in the Bay Area. Growing up, I went to Berkeley public schools up until I left California to attend McDaniel College, located in Westminster, MD. I graduated from McDaniel College with a B.A. in Theatre Arts with a focus in Acting.

Family History

For people who know me this is going to sound like a repeat just a little bit. I want to talk about something that is important, especially to me, which is family history. Now, I know some of you do not like talking about it, especially if it is painful or it is unknown. Growing up, whenever we had to do one of those family trees, I always did my mom’s side of the family since that is always the side of the family I was familiar with or knew a lot about, but there was always some questionable parts to my mom’s family like my grandfather’s parents (my great-grandparents), especially since my grandfather’s mom was adopted and we never really knew much about her because of that. As it turns out and we just discovered this recently that my mom’s side of the family is Jewish as well.

Anyways, as I grew up and became an adult, I have been connecting with my dad’s family, maybe because of the family reunions when we would go visit St. Louis or maybe because I met my namesake’s adult son or maybe I just wanted to know more about his family’s history. Family stuff is hard to talk about because a lot of my dad’s family was lost in the Holocaust and he lost both of his parents. I would have loved to meet them because they sounded like truly wonderful people, but then of course my brother and sister would have not been named after them. I think knowing things about my family, especially my dad’s side of the family, unlocks something inside of me. It is like a quote I just recently found. “Learning your family history is the key to unlocking who you are.” In other words, knowing your family and what what they are about helps you become who you are. It is like there is this whole generation that came before you.

My dad’s side of the family came to this life for a better life. That is what this country is all about and that is the very foundation of what this country was built on. We welcome people from all sorts of backgrounds from all parts of the world, regardless of age, gender, sex, race, religion, etc. We should welcome everyone with open arms, after all because this country was founded by immigrants. If my dad’s family were alive to this very day, they would be highly disappointed for how backwards this country is going. The very reason my grandparents came here is now the reason why people are being turned away. People who are looking for a safer place to be than where they used to be are being told to not come here. Asylum seekers are being turned away and I am disappointed, but I am not here to get into politics because then people argue and disagree about it.

The whole point of this post is to remind people to honor and remember our family history because there will be a day when those stories will be forgotten or will not be passed down to the next generation. That will definitely be a shame because we have to remember who we are and where we came from. After all, we carry parts of our family history and heritage with us. Here is a poem to honor my family, especially my dad’s side.

A name I was given that is derived from Helen, meaning the bright one and
The shining light. Beautiful like Helen of Troy, but I was named after my
Dad’s cousin Helen Greenberg Palkes, who went back to school and got her
Degree. She never gave up her dream of working with kids. I always stand
Proudly alongside her although she is no longer here, but I will always try
To let her legacy live on inside of me years later. She never let anyone deter

Her from what she was meant to do just because she was a woman ahead of
Her time. Her son Henry told me this story of Helen making a kid stop crying
In a grocery store when she had a lollipop. The same woman who introduced
Quality family time at the dinner table and had a heart full with so much love
For other people, regardless of age, gender or race. An angel with an undying
Love for someone she never got a chance to meet and I am seed she produced.

My dad’s family name that goes back many generations and we cannot ignore
Its history or bloodshed like when his family narrowly escaped the Holocaust.
They came to this country for a better and new life. They planted the seed for
Prosperity and the next generation of Salnikers to live a life they never crossed

Like a bridge. Some of them never seeing anything, but death and hopelessness.
They emerged from danger, knowing that when they make it to the other side
Of the world the pieces will heal from this world’s brokenness and sadness.

A name which is sewn together like a beautifully interwoven tapestry, rich with
So much history and strong family pride. A name etched into stone and concrete.

Dedication to Dr. Seuss

I have been a huge fan of Dr. Seuss from the time I was a kid until now. Yes, his work is full of silly rhymes and childlike things, but his work is very meaningful, even in today’s world. I loved a lot of his books like “Green Eggs and Ham,” but one of my favorites is “Oh, the Places You’ll Go” and in fact, I got that book as a graduation present from my parents. No matter what age you read that book at it is still a great book to have in your collection. And here is an excerpt from that book.

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

I wanted to keep this post short, but I also wanted to show my appreciation for Dr. Seuss. So here is a piece I wrote and I got first place for it on my favorite site DUP, which I have talked about before. Here it is and happy reading!! And thank you Dr. Seuss for being such a huge inspiration! Happy birthday to you.

All the Places You’ll Go! (A Take on Dr. Seuss)

You are traveling to cities and meeting new faces.
You are exploring every new culture and lose traces
Of your previous life. You find new people to fall
In love with and you will have stories to tell. The wall
Will be crumbling and is falling at your awaiting feet.
There are many snow-capped mountains you can defeat.

You conquer anything. Oh, the places you’ll go! And
Yes, you will be on your merry way to stand
Tall against the naysayer’s nonsense. You have smarts
Locked in that big brain of yours and have many hearts
Made of gold beating in your thick-skinned chest.
You choose all you want to be different than the rest.

Oh, the places you’ll go! Memories made among stars
And between blades of grass. Your imperfect scars
You forget about as you closed your eyes and this world
Takes you to a different galaxy. The thoughts that uncurl
And you stand there fully transfixed. You will arrive
At your destination with unmeasured breaths. You drive

Down the west coast with the wind in your hair. Oh,
The places you’ll go! Life is like a fireworks show
Because all you can do is sit back and enjoy it before
It passes you by. You will be watching a new door
That opens and see sights from a bird eye’s view.
Tears sprouting from your eyes helped you as you grew.

Remember the smiles and every time you got splattered
Messes on your clothes. You thought you never mattered
Or would make it, but there you are saying to yourself…
Oh, the places you’ll go! Your love stays on the high shelf
And someone will be lucky to get it one day, but you walk
Your streets. You are like Mary, but ahead of her flock.

The Feeling of Home

Home… we sometimes think of it as a physical place, like the place where we grew up or childhood home, but some of us are not as fortunate to have a place like that because they moved around a lot or never think of it as a physical place. In that case, it is like a feeling or emotion because it gives you safety and security. There is a quote by Cecelia Ahem who says “I’ve learned that home is not a place, it’s a feeling,” and as I have gotten older I have realized the same thing. There have been times where I have left home and have been homesick, but what makes a home is the people you surround yourself. Yes, I did miss my bed and childhood house, but I also missed the people that made it a home. I missed my parents, family and friends.

Everyone defines their home in a different way, whether it is a place like their hometown or city or state or country. Some people may define it as the people like their family, friends, significant other, etc. Whatever your definition of home it does not matter. My definition of home is a few things like my family and friends, but it is also what I have talked about before. It is every notebook and piece of paper where I have written my poetry. After all, it has made me safe and it helps me in ways I never thought was possible. I think I can go on and on about what home feels like, but I believe everyone gets my point about it so I am going to leave it here. Here are two poems about what home feels like. One being a person and one is a place. I hope that you end up enjoying them!! And happy (belated) Valentine’s Day!!

My poem titled “Home In Between Pages.”
My poem titled “Coming Home.”

Mary Oliver Tribute

As I became older in age I also became a huge fan of Mary Oliver. Her work is simple, but also very rich. I just wanted to write a post dedicated to her since she recently passed away. I have a few of her books, but one of my favorite poems in hers is called “The Journey,” which goes like this:

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save.

I wrote a poem that is a spin off of that poem, but before I share it with you I wanted to explain more why she is one of my favorites. I love a lot of her poems, but she also paved the way for the next generation of writers and poets. She shares her wisdom and she makes me become a better poet. There are so many of her quotes that are quite amazing, but there is one or two that stick out to me. The first one is, “So tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one and precious life?” In that quote she asks us what we are going to do because we only have one life and we each have a different plan/path to follow. The second quote is, “For poems are not words, after all, but fires for the cold, ropes let down to the lost, something as necessary as bread in the pockets of the hungry.” In other words, poems are not just simply words, but they are something that is necessary and essential for everyone. They almost always bring some sense of hope. That is what I like about Mary Oliver. She is someone who provides that hope and fire. I love that her pieces focus on nature too.

So here is that poem that I wrote in tribute to Mary Oliver. It is also a poem I submitted for a competition on DUP and won runner-up for it. Wherever you are Mary Oliver, I hope you rest in peace. I strongly encourage all of my readers to read her work. I know that you will not regret it.

The Journey (After Mary Oliver)

The journey starts with one small step. It is one step into the world
Where the tides and waves all rush to meet at your feet as you walk
In the sand on the beach’s shoreline, following endless words curled

On forgotten pages. Above all the endless noise, chatter and the talk
Of those around you is where you begin to find your bearings. It is
When you see the stars and you are away from the advice of a hawk

You find your voice. You want someone else to come fix and un-fizz
Your life like the aftermath of a chaotic storm or glass of champagne,
But it starts within you. You pried and took the truth from her or his

Delicate fingers. They may blame it on the wind because with the rain
It knocks everything sideways and makes everything damp, but you
Have to do what you needed to do all along. The naked truth may stain

Their souls, making them yell why? But someday when the sky is blue
Again they will understand that it was all a part of the journey. It was
All a part to saving one life, which is only yours. It may echo through

The empty house that might tremble like an earthquake, but the buzz
Finally clears and you stand there with the answers that make sense.
It is like all the overgrowing weeds and the clouds that used to cause

Worry has disappeared into the surrounding atmosphere. The fence
That separates you from the rest of the world has crumbled into ash.
It is like life’s naysayers, worries and doubts are all in the past tense

Because what happened in the past has no place in the now. You dash
Into the pouring rain so you can feel alive and to hear something other
Than the voices that live in your head. There are days when you crash

And burn, but you still keep going on with one step at a time to another
Fork in the road. Where should you go? Whichever way gets you further.

Superpower

I have really been into the superhero stuff these days, especially with the things I watch on Netflix like The Flash, Supergirl, Marvel’s Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., etc. They all have different superpowers like strength, speed, etc. I always thought about what my superpower would be if I were a superhero. I think I will stick with either invisibility or strength. Those seem like good options. I am going to give you a quote from the man of steel himself, Superman. “You’re much stronger than you think you are. Trust me.” And he is right. We are stronger than we think we are. I think strength not only comes from the outside, but within. We just have to trust that we are strong. We do not have to be as strong as Superman or Superwoman, but strength makes us powerful. So go ahead and find your superpower because someday the world might need it!! Here is a poem I wrote for a competition about having strength as a superpower on DUP. As it so happens I won. Here it is… Enjoy!!

Strength of Armor

Can you feel all my strength? It is strong enough to lift
Mountains that have tried to tear and weigh me down.
It is radiating even stronger than Greek God Krato’s gift,
Being strong enough to tear through this dead end town
And all it’s no good people. It is powerful enough to start
Every tornado or hurricane that touches down and slams
Into the west coast shoreline. My precious and gold heart
That will be leaving everyone behind in pieces while I am
Still standing here with my indestructible, yet solid armor.
People want a war? Well, they got one once they stand in
My way or path of destruction. I am a beginner and starter
Of every fire. I help everyone drown in his or her own sin.

Stars

Okay… we are finally talking about one of my favorite topics, stars. I know that I talked about it in one of my previous posts just briefly, but I get to talk about it in full length right here. I do not even know where to start. I guess I will start off by talking about why I love them. I have always had a strong connection to them. After learning about them when I was in school, I developed a fondness of them. When I took astronomy in college, it renewed my interest in them. I was always curious about our connection to the stars. They are beautiful to look at, that is for sure. Just a fair warning that this is going to be a longer post and there are going to be a lot of quotes. Just keep that in mind. With that being said… stars are said to be healing. There is nothing better than seeing the stars late at night and I feel like they can heal many things. “Don’t underestimate the healing power of these three things… Music. The Ocean. Stars.” And that quote is far from incorrect.

I feel like they are our connection to everything in this world. It is our connection to the darkness, the moon, the sun, life and everything in between. The first one I want to talk about is the darkness in relation to the stars. There is this quote, which I am finally understanding. “The darkest nights produce the brightest stars.” So in other words, the darker the nights are the better it is that we will see the stars, something I view as hope and better days ahead. We would also not be able to see the stars without darkness and night. The next one is the connection between the stars and the moon. They have a deep connection because the moon is in the sky when the stars are too. There is this quote by Les Brown and this is one of my favorites. “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” So even if you miss the moon, you will still have the stars. Something that will also bring some hope. In other words, you will a chance, even when you miss your first shot. The sun, just like the moon, has a strong connection to the stars. Since I love stars and this is my first post of 2019 I will throw in another poem. The second poem is about the Northern Lights, which are super important. Just looking at pictures of them is really magical and I hope to see them in person one day. I know that this post has been a little all over the place, but I just want to say there is an expression “stop to smell the roses.” I feel like there should be something similar like “stop to look at the stars.” I am sure there is something like that already, but there it is. Happy new year and 2019!!

Looking at the Stars

Stardust
forms a birthplace
as elements combust

like explosions, they are still a part of space
and time. Stars are formed like
constellations that we trace

with our fingers as we enter a dreamlike
state of mind. There we wish upon
a star. There we find our lucky strike

and connection as we are drawn
to the darkness. We are all made
of stardust that may be gone

forever with the novas. Particles are strayed
and are tiny to our eye,
but the dust is the reason why we wade

our way through life. They die
for us to live and breathe.
They free float in the sky

until they land beneath
our skin. The energy is reused.
Their spirit lives on and is a bequeath

to our bodies. They are forever fused
with the stars. The history
leaves us bemused

and fascinated with the mystery
of what they represent.
They are the ongoing story.

We are meant
to collapse at night
when our energy is spent.

We can burn bright
during the day and see
the dark skylight

before dawn. Let there be
no reason to be afraid of
the stars, where we

are formed and come from. The above
heavens bring us peace.
We show them love.

Everything will cease
as we lay under them.
Every piece

is like a gem,
precious and beautiful to look toward.
We forget about all the mayhem.

We should not have pondered
the universe.
The stars keep us anchored

to this world. We submerse
ourselves into the depths of the stars
and reflect back their inverse.

We forget our scars
and here we have fresh starts.

 

My visual poem titled “Northern Lights.”

Growth

As this year and 2018 comes to an end I want talk about something important. I know that I have talked about something similar in my post “Growing Up,” but as much as the subjects are close similar they are different. We all experience growth at some point, right? Growth is not always sunshine and rainbows because sometimes growth can be just downright painful. It is not just growth, but personal growth. “Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere we don’t belong.” Yes, things in life are painful as I said, but nothing is worse than staying somewhere you do not belong. That is why growth is so important.

Growth is something that is not easy because it can be downright scary and it sometimes take a lot of reflection. You have to think for yourself, especially for something like personal growth. There is this quote I found that is essential to personal growth. “Sometimes personal growth is going to cost you friends, relationships, jobs and material things. Don’t ever stop growing or put your dreams and aspirations on hold in order to keep people and things in your life. It’s not selfish to put yourself and your happiness first, keep growing.” In other words, you cannot let certain people or things keep you from growing and that is especially important, especially in a relationship. I think a part of being in a relationship is growing and building together. That is one piece of advice my mom gave me at one point. She pretty much said you cannot be with someone if they do not help you grow and flourish. If it means cutting off those certain people or things and walking away, so be it. Which is pretty much similar to another quote I have come to love. “The woman you’re becoming will cost you people, relationships, spaces and material things. Choose her over everything.” That quote is a lot like the one I already posted. It is pretty much saying to choose the woman and person you are becoming over everything else.

All that being said… I just want to say that 2018 has been a year of growth. I had to walk away from at least a few situations that were not the best ones to be in and I learned so much. That is another thing about growth… you can definitely learn something from it and it is a process. Here is another quote. “Growth is a process. You gain, you lose, you cry, you grow, you learn, you try, you fail, but you keep trying.” I feel like if you are not growing you are not learning and vice versa. So here is to my readers and my last post of 2018. May you never be afraid of growth because it is just simply another part of life. The good thing is that growth helps you mature and find better things out there. You truly never stop growing or learning. Happy (early) New Year and 2019!! May you all have a happy and healthy start to the new year. And since it is the end of another year I am going to include another quote to end the year on a good note. “If you know me based on who I was a year ago, you don’t know me at all. My growth game is strong. Allow me to reintroduce myself.” Cheers and enjoy these two poems. The other poem is what I resolve to do in 2019 and the new year. Happy reading!!

When Thing Grow – A Villanelle

Make room for things to grow
And mend in your heart cavity.
You have to plant and sow

Your roots. You always know
To stand tall, letting gravity
Make room for things to grow

Into a garden. No sign of a crow,
Signaling your end of depravity.
You have to plant and sow

All of your seeds. You show
Your speed and concavity.
Make room for things to grow

And twist into balls of dough,
With elasticity of your morality.
You have to plant and sow

For everything that will glow
And shine like your reality.
Make room for things to grow.
You have to plant and sow.

2019 New Year’s Resolutions

With 2019 just around the corner I resolve to be loving myself
And be selfish because my love for others is on the high shelf,
Just out of reach. I resolve to be kind to my mind, body and
Gentle soul. I resolve to be patient because I fully understand
That time is precious. I resolve to live every day to the fullest
With sunshine and laughter. I resolve to never let the dullest
Of moments fade away into nothingness. I resolve to let all
The bad memories go and to hang onto the good ones. I fall
But then to get back up and keep going. Life is a battlefield
And I resolve to walk through the fire. I resolve to be healed.

Dark Room

I think I have talked about darkness before, so this may sound a little like a repeat. We have all been in darkness at some point and this may sound a little weird, but we may have all been in a dark room at some point too. I am going to leave that up to interpretation because everyone has their own definitions of darkness and a dark room. I think of it like when you are home alone and you sleep in your dark room. It can be scary and nerve wracking for sure. You may try to turn on the TV or listen to music or doing something to calm your nerves. There are some people who do enjoy it. Either way you learn so much about yourself and there are so many things that can happen. I feel like we are blessed to have things that are dark because it makes us appreciate it that much more. You have to trust it or as one of my favorite hip-hop artists, Kendrick Lamar questions in his song, Poetic Justice with Drake, “If I told you that a flower bloomed in a dark room, would you trust it?” In other words, you have to believe in the darkness and dark room regardless of what happens in this world.

I do not believe that people realize that a dark room is a sacred place. We have all cried, laughed and done other things in between these four walls. I guess in a way they hold our secrets and the truth. It is something to be thankful for as silly as it sounds. I guess what I am saying is to embrace the darkness and dark room as much as you embrace the light, as well as everything else in life. You never know what you might discover in a dark room. Sure, you cannot see as much, but you trust your eyes and things that you may not always see, but sometimes you can feel it. I think I finally found a quote that describes it a bit better. “If you are in a pitch dark room, wait for a few seconds and your eyes gradually start seeing! Patience gives clarity.” In other words, you begin slowly adjust to being in darkness. People are afraid to be in a dark room, but you never know until you try.

In This Dark Room

The dark room begins swaying and tilting.
How the hell did I get here? Maybe I had too
Many shots and drinks from the night before.
I remember your gaze, burning and wilting
Something deep within my fiery soul. You
And me finally all alone with a locked door.
No one was around to watch. I really wanted
To take you home, but we never got that far
As your hands wandered all over me and my
Body. I could not breathe. You have a haunted
Presence that I cannot shake off. Every scar
Is hidden away. We cannot see the blue sky
Inside the darkness anymore. I wish I could
Retain the color of your eyes before the lights
Went out and when our clothes slowly began
Disappearing.  I want to recall all of the good
And clear memories. We all have dark nights
And shadows, but you are always the same man
Within these four walls. Right here is where we
Made a lifetime of moments and memories. No
Truer words spoken than in a room that holds
Our secrets closely. A sacred place that will see
More to come.  No sunlight, but we will grow.
In time everything becomes beautiful and unfolds.

Appreciation For All We Do Have

I have not posted for a while, cannot believe it has been about a month since the last time I posted. Things have been that busy I guess. I wanted to post something about Thanksgiving and I know I am about a week late, but I guess it is better to be late than never. We have a tendency to complain about all the things we do not have instead of all the things we do have. It is just a part of our human nature to worry more about the things we do not have and we forget to appreciate the good things in life.

There are several good quotes about appreciation, thankfulness and gratefulness, but this is one of the best ones I could find by Wale Ayeni who says, “Be thankful for what you have. Your life, no matter how bad you think it is, is someone else’s fairytale.” So in other words, even when your life is bad someone else’s life could be worse or better. I know things have not been going well for some people, but there is so much to be thankful for. I could give a list of what and who I am thankful for. Maybe this list would inspire others to do the same. In fact people should write at least 5 things they are grateful/thankful for. I will start (and it really has not changed much over the years although I keep adding to it). Here it is and I wrote two poems about what I am thankful/grateful for.My list is as follows and might be long so bear with me (and it is not in any particular order:

  1. My parents
  2. My friends – including my two BFFs
  3. My second family on the West and East Coast
  4. Poetry
  5. Music
  6. My sister
  7. My brother
  8. Family friends
  9. Family
  10. Sunrises
  11. Sunsets
  12. Laughter
  13. Love
  14. Heartbreak
  15. Being broke
  16. Failures
  17. Happiness
  18. Roses (and other flowers)
  19. Rain
  20. Sunshine
  21. Chocolate
  22. Food
  23. Shelter
  24. Therapy (favorite store)
  25. My therapist
  26. Clothes
  27. Baking
  28. Exes
  29. Color
  30. And many more things

Here are my two poems I wrote. I forgot to mention this before and I know I need to do more of this, but I hope you show your appreciation to those who have been there for you because there might be a day when they will not be here. Enjoy and be thankful for what you have every single day. You will not regret it one bit.

Thankful For…

The muse that makes every morning more bearable.
All the hugs and kisses that are keeping me stable.
The whispers behind my back that are making me
Grateful for every kind word. When someone sees
Me for the mess that I am, but is continuing to love
Me anyways. To know that the bright world is full of
Harshness and darkness, but there is knowledge that
There is a smile behind the clouds. The quiet and flat
Laughter turning into sunny merriment coming down
The long hallways. When it felt like you could drown
In sorrow and sadness, but the smell of roses turns
That frown into bright eyes. All the scars and burns
Beginning to repair or heal themselves. The tears
That are drying all on their own and all of the fears
That make me strong. The women who came before
And paved the path for me to follow. Hearing my roar.
Being Thankful For Everything
Life has me thankful for it all…
The easy ups and sharp downs.
The pain and every single tear.
My solid and protective wall.
Smiles emerging from frowns.
The hope blooming after fear
Dies away. The times I laughed.
The mistakes I have made. The
People who are there for me.
Moments not photographed.
My safe place. When there is a
Feeling of peace. The rough sea
That becomes calm. The stars
That are still shining. My heart.
Every day that I am still alive
And breathing. Words that are
Mine. Chance for a new start
And the ability to deep dive.

Beginning of Autumn/Fall

Hi everyone. We are halfway through October and I know it has been a while since I posted. Fall is definitely upon us and there are so many things to like about fall like the leaves changing or the change in weather. Whatever it is, I can think of very few reasons to not like fall or maybe I am just biased because it is definitely one of my favorite seasons. The one thing I do not like is the days getting shorter. It is a way to say goodbye to summer and hello to fall/autumn. Here is a quote about fall that I have come to really like. “Autumn paints in colors summer has never seen.” I think that is why autumn is one of my favorite seasons. We get these vivid colors like orange and red, which is different than summer. So I wish my readers a happy fall/autumn. Stay warm and toasty, my friends!! Happy reading.