Tag: forgiveness

Forgiveness

I know that this is something I have talked about before… forgiveness. It is such a tricky thing to navigate, but it is something that is important to discuss. Forgiveness is about forgiving others and sometimes it is about forgiving yourself. A lot of the time it is forgiving yourself and others at the same time. That brings me to my first quote of this post. Morrie Schwartz says “Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others.” As we start the new year this is what I think about because in order to move on into a new season/new year forgiveness is a big part of moving on. We do not necessarily have to forgive in order to move on, but forgiveness is something that is important if we want to let go of the things that are hurting us. Even if the other person is not sorry we should learn to forgive them anyways, but like I just said forgiveness is not necessary in order to move on. I think Taylor Swift says it in the best way. She says “You know, people go on and on about, like, you have to forgive and forget to move past something. No, you don’t. You don’t have to forgive and you don’t have to forget to move on. You can move on without any of those things happening. You just become indifferent, and then you move on.” So in other words you do not necessarily have to forgive people.

Like I said before it is important to forgive yourself as much as it is important to forgive others. That is a huge thing we can all learn in life. Yes, forgiving others is important, but forgiving yourself is more important. We are all imperfect and flawed in some way or another. This brings me to my next quote of this post by D. Muthukrishnan. They say “If you cannot forgive yourself, you cannot forgive others.” In other words, forgiving yourself is important in order to forgive others because if we cannot forgive ourselves then how in the hell can we forgive others? Like I said we are all imperfect and make mistakes. We are only human after all. That concludes this post. I hope you take the time to really digest what forgiveness means to you and enjoy the following poem about forgiveness. Before I conclude this post I will leave you with one final quote. Suzanne Somers says “Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.” So in other words, forgiveness is something you give yourself, not to other people. That concludes this post.

Forgiveness

I am sorry… the words that are dripping
From the mouth that should taste sweet
Like honey, but in the heart they taste like
Blood, full of copper and salt. Do you truly
Mean those simple words or are you tripping
Over false words and promises? Your feet
Carry you to the ocean where you dislike
The waves, but drowning in your newly

Found duty to be honest with yourself and
Those you hurt should mean something.
How can you live with yourself when you
Can feel the flames on your skin? How can
You forgive others when you cannot stand
To forgive yourself? Maybe you are numbing
The pain inflicted by others. Maybe the blue
Parts of your soul heal from the pain you ran

Away from. All you know is that forgiveness
Should not feel like something that hurts as
Much as a bullet to the heart. It should not
Have to be as painful as being in love with
Someone who does not love us or give us
What we need in return which are the paths
To redemption and forgiveness. The knot
May become untangled, but you re-breathe

Life. Forgiveness is never easy, but neither
Is leaving her behind – the girl who used
To never believe in forgiveness or apologies.
Now she wears those words proudly on her skin.
I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. The keeper
Of words that used to be fractured and bruised,
But now they are the words of higher qualities,
A different place than where she used to begin.

Water Under the Bridge

So I am sure you have heard of the following phrase water under the bridge. What does it mean? After looking it up here is what it means (source is dictionary.com). “Water under the bridge refers to past events, especially fights or disagreement, that are forgiven, forgotten, or otherwise no longer considered important.” So more or less water under the bridge is something of the past. We cannot change things in the past, but we still move on. That brings me to my first quote of this post. “The wise treat yesterday’s problems as water under a bridge. Where the unwise will treat them as a place to build a dam.” In other words, the wise and mature ones will think of things of the past as water under the bridge or in some ways resolved/forgotten while others will keep building upon their problems like a dam. I think of it in terms of a past romantic relationship like eventually it can be water under the bridge, especially if there were problems and that can take patience and time when both partners are mature enough to handle it.

Sometimes it is not all water under the bridge, especially when those problems go unresolved and fester, especially with abuse of any kind. I really hope that people do not let that happen. In addition to patience and time it also takes forgiveness. You just have to wish people the best no matter what, even if they hurt you or if you hurt them. I am one of those people who wishes everyone the best no matter what, especially during these weird and strange times. It is like what Ike Turner says. He says “I’m not gonna try to defend, or undo what’s been done. All I could say about whatever’s been done, it’s been done, and it’s water under the bridge. I have no regrets of my life.” So in other words we cannot undo the past and we should not have any regrets in life.

I am urging my readers to let their past problems flow and drift away like water under the bridge. In a way it is like you are getting closure and clarity. I did want to post this with Thanksgiving right around the corner because being able to move on from our pasts is one more thing to be grateful for. Forgiveness is also another thing to be grateful for. That brings me to the last quote of this post by Pema Tshokye, who says, “My past is like water under the bridge and my future is distant sun on the horizon of my imagination.” So in other words, our past is like all the water under the bridge and our future is something that is bright like a light on the horizon. I want to conclude this post with the following poem. I hope that you all enjoy this one!!

Water Under the Bridge

You popped back up in my life after years
Of not talking and this time there are no
Expectations. But I do not expect things
To go back to like what they were before

The storm, chaos and without any tears
Or fears in the way. We continue to grow
Every day despite the setbacks and flings
With other people. What life has in store

For us, especially during these weird and
Strange times is forgiveness. No one can
Ever replace the hole you left behind, but
No one could ever mend the love we used

To have either. No one could hold my hand
Or heart like you did. We should have ran
And thrown everything all away. In this rut
And pit stop life tempts us with confused

Or muddled love when in fact we should
Be remembering the love that should be
So simple or singular like the one heart
That beats for you. It is all water under

The bridge despite everything that could
Have swept us away like anger or the sea
Of resentment. We are one step or start
From leaving every mistake and blunder

In the past while we have moved on, but in
The end we are far from where we have been.

People Who Did Us Wrong

I just want to talk about something, especially after doing another competition on DUP. Like I have said before, there are people we come across. Some people treated us right, but there are people who have been a part of our lives and have treated us horribly aka they did us wrong. It does not matter if they are an ex, a former friend, or someone in our family. I know that we should all behave proper, but in this moment it is okay to bash them, just a little bit and not too much because they are still only human after all. Even if they did you wrong you still have to be a better person while forgiving them and then just moving on. Dwelling on something takes too much energy. Some things you can fix and other times you cannot. This quote says it the best. “Hating is for the weak, loving is for the strong. It takes more to love someone who did you wrong than it does to hate them.” So no, I do not hate anybody, but I forgive and say thank you because I would not be where I am today without them. This is a short post, as all of it is pretty simple. I want to conclude by strongly encouraging my readers to dig deep down and forgive those who did us wrong. Cheers and happy reading! Just a side note that this is directed towards an ex, but can be applied to anyone else who did us wrong. I decided to go with two poems. The second one actually won me a competition on DUP.

Did Me Wrong

My first love… why did you have go ahead and break my heart?
You took it all and tore everything into pieces. Everything was sore
And hurting so much. You knew that everything was falling apart,
But you did nothing, except taking back your promises, your
Words and actions. I was left feeling empty and with a gaping
Hole, but I had to replace you. I could not let the sadness
Wash over me while all of the anger was slowly escaping
From my body. I should have every right to be in the madness
And be pissed off. I am sorry and all the other apologies will
Not be enough. I could have burned everything, but be glad
I am not that kind of ex that is psychotic and crazy. The thrill
And chase of that teenage love is done. We could be friends
Is bullshit. We were down different roads and ends.

 

Everything That is You

I hate you and everything that you truly are.
I once thought that you were the shining star,
But I was a fool because you became a meteorite,
Having everything around me burn red and white.
You said that you loved me, but I was just a pawn
And soldier in your game. Even before the dawn
Came I knew that things could never be the same.
Deep down rooted within me there is pain, shame
And fiery anger. If only you could understand it all,
But you are too selfish to care. I was your rag doll,
Only being pushed around and trying to please you,
But nothing could make you completely happy. To
You I am just another person you can throw away.
But I cannot let you treat me that badly. I still pray
To forgive you because I know that nobody could
Ever truly ever be that bad intentionally. The good
Parts of you are there even if you cannot see them.
I have become sturdy like a flower and its stem.

Showing Grace

I know that I have talked about forgiveness in one of my previous posts, but you may have to go back a while ago to find it. I am going to talk about something very similar, but is kind of different at the same time and that is grace. On the first and third Sunday of every month I work at the Live Oak Unitarian Universalist Fellowship Church in Alameda, CA where I help with child care services. We tell stories right before we go to our classroom. This one focused on grace. There was a girl who went to the beach with her dad. Her dad gave her money to go get ice cream. On her way back she fell and dropped the ice cream on the pavement. She went back to her dad and her dad said to go get another one. She did not have any money, but her dad said to ask for another one. She went up and explained to the woman that she dropped her cone, could she get another one. The woman gave her another one.

The moral of the story is explained in this quote I found as well. “There is nothing more classy or powerful than showing forgiveness and grace to someone who does not deserve it.” So for example, like in the story the girl received grace although she did not deserve it. The moral is not only to give grace, but to also receive and accept as well, especially in today’s world. In other words, we have to make room for grace in our hearts because we need it. There is too much cruelness in this world, so we need to be accepting, especially of people’s mistakes and imperfections. I feel like grace, especially receiving as well as giving it, is what makes the world go round. I feel like there would a lot more anger and misunderstanding if there was not any grace at all. When people think of grace, they automatically associate it with religion, especially Christianity, but you do not have to be religious to believe in grace. I just wanted to point that out, especially since I am a non religious person myself.

The whole point of this post is to tell people to open up their hearts. I encourage everybody to do that and to forgive, as hard as it may be, especially if they really hurt you. I want everyone to give grace, as well as receiving it with open arms. Isn’t that what we want to teach the next generation? They look up to us and the best thing we can do is to teach them to do the same. I am posting this right around Thanksgiving because it is that time of year to think about grace, although we can do so much more of it year round. There are many definitions of grace when you look it up in the dictionary. This is one that stood out to me. “The exercise of love, kindness, compassion, mercy, favor; disposition to benefit or serve another.” We should show grace because it is our duty as human beings to do so. There is so much more to say about grace, but all that I have talked about sums it up. I just want to leave you all with one more quote. “Grace changes everything.” I think this quote shows how important grace is. I will leave it at that. Here is a poem to enjoy by yours truly. Enjoy and happy Thanksgiving in advance.

Everlasting Grace

Darling, I always want to live with grace
And forgiveness in my heart even when
The apology is not given. I am in a place
To be living and starting all over again.
Darling, I have been in a place of being
Able to accept everyone’s past mistakes.
I am no longer running away or fleeing
From the pain and hurt. Someone flakes
Out on you or will make you really mad,
And you make the best out of it, no matter
What happens in life. Nobody can be a bad
Person willfully. We have all made a splatter
And a mess out of things in our highly flawed
Ways. You keep your grace from going numb.
You have always broke, fought and clawed
Your way through life, so do not let some
Messed up situations take you back to where
You were before, another place of being
Unwilling to ever accept the idea of
Forgiveness. However, you are now seeing
Things differently, including grace and love.

The Power of Forgiveness and Love

Hi everybody, I am back once again. I hope that you did not miss me too much while I was gone. I went back to the east coast (the first time since I have graduated from McDaniel College two years ago) to attend a friend’s wedding and to see some of my other east coast friends. The weather turned out to be beautiful (they were predicting rain), the wedding was nice and my friend (Katalin) looked absolutely stunning. The little backstory here is that Katalin and I went to McDaniel together (she was a year or two older than me). She met this guy (her now husband Kenny) who she met online. They were together a couple of years and then they got married. I would not miss her wedding.

The point here ties into why I wanted to start this blog (P.S. she was the one who helped me with this blog idea so I thank her again for that) and why I came up with “Messy Ties.” Katalin is Catholic and a lot of her family is Hungarian (among other things as well). Kenny is also Catholic and is Mexican (among other things). I though it was pretty amazing because they really tried to blend those two things together. I have to admit that this is (by far) one of the most religious weddings that I have ever been to. They did mass and the whole nine yards (in the church with prayers and everything).

The one thing I remembered from the wedding was when the preacher (or whatever you call those people) started talking about how important it is to have a strong foundation. He went on to say how a marriage (or union) would fall apart unless you water and lay down a solid foundation. Even though I am not a super religious person (after all, my parents are non practicing Catholics and Jews), I really had to agree with this. It got me thinking about what I look for in a relationship. Another thing that came from this trip and especially this wedding was when I saw two guys I used to date (at Katalin’s wedding). Their code names in this instance are A and M. I had to prepare myself (although in terms of seeing M did not seem to bad). I was dreading to see A (I never wanted to see him again after things ended).

The encounters with both of them went better than expected. I just had to pretend like everything was okay and got me thinking about the power of love and forgiveness. I think Martin Luther King says it in the best way. “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.” These are strong words coming from one of the greatest people on this earth who sadly passed away years ago. What MLK is saying is that we need to forgive, otherwise we will not have the ability to love. There are good things in bad people and there are bad things in good people. When we realize this, we are less likely to hate our enemies.

I felt the power of Katalin and Kenny’s love (after all they were surrounded by people supporting them as the pastor pointed out). I felt the power of forgiveness when I had to forgive myself and those guys I used to date. I had to forgive myself for whatever happened and I had to forgive them (even when I did not get that apology I deserved). I firmly believe that forgiveness and love are two of strongest things in this world. Furthermore, that is why they are so powerful. This wedding inspired this poem that I started once I got back to the hotel after the wedding and I tried to finish it as best as I could. I hope that everybody is able to forgive someone (even though it is so hard) and that they find the love that they deserve. We cannot live without those two things. I hope that everybody enjoys this poem I wrote (it may need a little more work). This goes to Katalin, Kenny, my mom, my dad, A, M, and everybody else who inspired me to write this poem. It is time to build our own foundation and believe that we do have the ability to love, even when we have been hurt before.

My Foundation

The ability to love and forgive.

I know it holds the power to heal

Just about anything. It is about the

Foundation being built before

Everything else. It all takes me

Back to a time, all those years

Ago when I was too naïve to love.

I am still afraid to do so to

This very day. I have the proof

That this love does exist and work.

I see it through the shining example

Of my parents and friends every day.

I am not incapable of love.

I just choose to work on myself

And hope to find someone to

Support me as I go along in life.

I choose to put myself first

Before everybody else.

I am building my own foundation.