Tag: memories

First Love

Whether you want to call this puppy love or first love, it does not matter. We have all at some point experienced this kind of love during our lifetime. Whether it is the person we first dated or really fell in love and it does not necessarily have to be the first boyfriend/girlfriend or first person we dated either. For me it wasn’t my first “boyfriend.” It was a guy I started seeing after college when I went back home. It differentiates person to person. It could be with the person you are with today. It is that someone you do not forget about. It is someone you compare everyone else to. That leads me to my first quote of this post. “No matter what you say, you will never forget your first love.” It is like what I was saying before about not forgetting your first love. Sometimes that first love can be someone like your mom or dad so it does not necessarily have to be romantic because it is that person who taught you what love is. The first kind of love I saw and still see is the one with my parents with each other and to their children.

If you are still with your first love, congratulations, but a lot of the time you do not end up with that person forever. That is unfortunately the sad truth about our first love. That leads me to my next quote by Benjamin Disraeli. He says, “The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end.” That is the sad truth about our first love… we tend to ignore the fact that it could end at any point. It hurts, but it happens that way. That person, despite the pain and heartbreak will always have special place in your heart no matter what. They stick with you no matter what. That leads me to my next quote. It says “Maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because it’s the only person who will ever receive all of you. After that, you learn better. But, most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved – a piece no future lover could ever get, no mater what. That piece holds innocence – the belief that love really can last forever. It holds friendship and pain, trial and error, that one kiss you’ll never forget and that night under the stars you can never get back. It holds youth and everything you thought love would be. Everything that was proven wrong.” So that person in other words is your first everything.

So I hope that my readers will always remember their first love because that is truly something special and never be afraid to love again if that first love does not work out in the end. That leads me to my next and final quote of this post by Elizabeth Aston. She says “One’s first love is always perfect until one meets one’s second love.” We are allowed to have more than our one or first love. And for the most part our second love is better than the first. I thought I would share not only one poem, but two. Enjoy!!!! And happy belated Valentine’s Day.

Someone I Loved (And Still Love)

You were once someone who I fully loved
As those moments we shared turned into
Distant and far away memories. I shoved
Everything aside, hoping I can forget you

And the way you made me feel. You are
Not here to help me get through all those
Lonely and empty nights. The bright star
You helped me find is there, but the rose

Along with our love died during the middle
Of spring. I had to learn to love the sound
Of walking away as I played second fiddle
To your very first priority. The word around

The street is that I moved on and maybe
You have too, but we both pulled the rug.
We both gave up when it was hard to see
The light at the end of the tunnel. I tugged

Myself out of all those flashbacks in which
I really wanted everything back to how it
Was before; easy and would never switch
Up on each other, but we can no longer fit

Together. All we can do is wish each other
The best and hope that we both can find
Love we search for. Love that can smother
And does not hurt. Love that is both kind

And patient. Love that does not keep us
Second-guessing. Love that is never little
Or too big. On the merry go round and bus
Of life we only keep going until the brittle

Edges of our hearts were breaking. This
Taught me the love never goes away even
When I wanted to hate someone. The bliss
That we had is all I craved and believed in.

Our story and chapter comes to an end,
But in them lays a person I loved. Scratch
That… a person I still love today. I blend
In hoping that you do not knows I catch

Or carry feelings for you. I wear your shirt
In the hopes that I will not forget you and
How it still brings me comfort. We skirt,
Dodge and avoid the past pain. I handed

You parts of me and pretend to be content
Even when my heart is still missing the old
You. It is your familiar touch and scent
That I long for. The “come here” as cold

Days and nights became way warmer with
Your rich voice. All I longed for was to love
You infinitely but love like that is a myth
And fable. Something we can only think of

As the world keeps turning and it always
Comes down to the fact that I have to live
A better life so when we meet again days
Or years later, we will be ready to give

Love a chance that it really deserves. But
For now I think about the what ifs. What if
We just kept trying? What if I tried to shut
Off insecurities we carried? Pour me a stiff

Drink and let’s drink to forget about life.
Let’s drink to forget about love seeping
Through our veins. I wanted to be a wife
Or partner through it all, regularly keeping

You safe and protected from the world
Tossing its leftovers at your feet. I wanted
To be the reason for your smiles, curled.
I cannot let the bad things that haunted

Us to be a mistake as our biggest mistake
Was screaming “I love you” and we were
Too way too late. We were too late to take
The biggest risk of all, having tears blur

Our vision, but we were still willing to fall
Again. I felt like a soldier ready to fight
Because that is all I wanted, but the wall
Went back up again and we lost the light.

So no, I will never be forgetting your love,
Even if I was starting to love someone else
As you are my first love, wearing a glove
To protect something gentle and complex.

Real Love

Love permeates the air because I cannot
Get enough of you, but it is not the lust
I feel in my bones and veins. It is the real
Deal as I used to always get so caught
Up in the past, but not anymore as I trust
You and all the love that is strong. I feel

You even when you are not sleeping here
Next to me or walking besides me in this
Journey of life. I asked a million times if
You loved me and you said, “Never fear
My love as it is sturdier than the abyss
We get easily lost in. Let go of the cliff’s

Edge as it will never hold you and support
Your body weight and heart like I will. So
Trust me when I say I love you one million
Times. Let us fill our souls and passports
With adventure as I wish to see your glow
Forever. I do love you with perfect vision.”

I wish I could articulate it into words and
Notions that make sense, but nothing will
Say it more than all these words to you, my
Dear as we will soon in the future stand
In front of each other as our love’s thrill
Is still here. Love like this is worth a try.

Last Day

I have always wondered what we would all do or remember on our last day. I would think we would remember all the good things and everything we did. I feel like when it is our time to go it is really time to go which leads me into my first quote of this post which says exactly that. Ronnie Van Zant says, “If it’s your time to go, it’s your time to go.” Sometimes it is as simple as that. We should not spend our last days holding onto regrets of what we did not do because we should just enjoy our last day instead of worrying. We remember all the people we loved and the adventures we had along the way. One of the comments I got on this piece when I posted it to DUP was “It’s really interesting what specific memories or moments of life that are dearest to us and what we take with us when we eventually all cross to the other side.” We hold certain memories close to us.

We think to ourselves of what we would do with our last days. I keep repeating myself, I know, but this subject is very important. We can keep saying that we do not and should not care about what we do in our last days, but think of it this way. I think Steve Jobs says it perfectly. “If you live each day as if it were your last, someday you’ll be right. Every morning I looked in the mirror and asked myself: If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I do today?” In other words tomorrow is not promised and would we happy with what we are doing now? It really would make me think long and hard about if I am happy of where my life is right now if I were to die tomorrow.

I do not want to keep this piece super long, but I want to conclude with a quote by Paulo Coelho who says, “It’s best to live as if it were the first and last day of my life.” So in other words live each day as if it could be the first and last day if that makes sense at all. We get too worried when our time comes and we do not live in that moment. We get too caught up in a love we did not have and in the bad memories. I just want people to remember all the good things. I would want people to be remembered in a good way. This poem focuses on all the good aspects of living our last days. This featured poem won runner up for a competition on DUP. I hope all my readers enjoy this poem!!! Cheers.

My Last Day

As a new morning and the day is breaking
On the far horizon will you remember me?
I hope you do not forget me my darling as
I know my time on this big earth is coming

To an end and I am free from the aching
Pain. I am drifting closer to the vast sea’s
Shoreline. I am following the tiny compass
As I could hear the monotonous humming

And I feel way closer to home. I know that
We will be reunited some day as the days
And the nights are filled with promises or
Dreams. In these final moments it is just

Us as we are lying on our backs on the flat
Rooftop, looking at the stars as the rays
Of sunshine are gone. We cannot ignore
That this is what built our love and trust.

I know this is what forever is supposed to
Be like. Being here in this moment with
You is all I ever wanted, but god is calling
My name as he beckons me to the white

Heavens. I paint my name across the blue
Sky as you smile, thinking of me. A myth
I formulated in my head about crawling
On all fours to be able to survive or fight

Is fading into the background as I did all
I could to feel fulfilled so I do not depart
With regrets. I said I would never leave
You so I am staying right here as the sun

Rises the next day. Down all the hallways
You can still hear my voice. In your heart
You can still feel my presence. You grieve
My absence with your hand on the gun,

Loaded with enough ammunition to feel
At peace, but I vow that we will see each
Each other again when it is your turn next,
But god is not yet ready to watch you exit

Stage left. Darling, you are made of steel,
Ready to withstand any storm. You preach
All positivity as your world, so perplexing
And messy was falling apart. Feel velvet

Within your hands because that is what
You were to me, softness in a world filled
With rough edges. Your smile is always so
Radiant as it is something I will remember

You by as my darling, you are a clear cut
Above the rest. Our love that was killed
Before it could grow into full bloom or flow
Into existence came back with its ember.

Summer

Hi there. Sorry that I have not posted anything in a while. June has turned out to be a busy month and July is already upon us. June 21st was the first day of summer. It is also the longest day of the year and it is also my grandpa’s birthday. He would have turned 105 this year. So happy belated birthday grandpa AJ, wherever you are!! Anyways, that day is easy to remember because of all of the things that happen on that day. We had some nice weather for the start of summer. I think summer is one of my favorite seasons right after spring and maybe fall. As a kid I always enjoyed the summer because that meant no school. I still appreciated the summers as I got older, but I kind of miss getting summer vacation when I became an adult and did not have to go to school. I feel like good things happen in the summer. Charles Bowden says “Summertime is always the best of what might be.” So you never know what might happen in the summer.

There are so many other things that I like about the summer besides having no school. The weather becomes nice, but sometimes you never know in California. The flowers are out and the days get longer. You might have a little summer romance. You make amazing memories and go to the beach. Go to concerts. The list can go on and on. You get lots of sunshine and can be lazy all you want to. I think that about sums up this post, but here is a quote to leave you with by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. “Then followed that beautiful season … Summer … Filled was the air with a dreamy and magical light; and the landscape lay as if new created in all the freshness of childhood.” In other words there is just something magical and amazing about summer. And I love Longfellow as a writer. Here is a poem to kick off summer. I hope that every one of my readers enjoy their summers. Make memories and have fun!! Happy reading everyone!

Summer

Those eyes that are taking on the summer heat,
But it is life around us that brings that extra treat.
Flowers that find their way to be blooming despite
Everything that keeps trying to stop them, but light
Does not stop glowing or shining bright. The blaze
That causes endless fires, but through all the haze
We are still smiling and laughing like we are kids
Again. With our open spirit and our closed eyelids
We are souls that are feeling whole again. We are
A part of this universe that has clear skies and stars
That we can see without trying too hard. Summer
Is already upon us and we are every single color.

Memories and Moments

Life… I feel like it is all made of memories and moments. One thing I think of to represent this would be a kaleidoscope. We do our best to try to hang onto them because after a while they sometimes disappear forever. I am someone who loves taking pictures for at least a couple of reasons. I want to remember those moments/memories because I am one of those people who have a good long term memory, but a terrible short term memory, partially because of my LD. Sometimes people have to tell me something at least three times before it sets in and on the other hand, I can remember something that happened years ago. I also love taking photos just because and I love taking pictures. I do remember something my brother said to me before I took a trip to Budapest when I was in college. I was so excited to be in Budapest and taking tons of pictures. He said something I can never forget. I do not remember word for word what he said, but he said something like “Forget about taking pictures and just soak it all in. Enjoy being there.” It really is true because sometimes taking it all in and experiencing all of those things gives you memories to last a lifetime. In fact, that brings me to this quote by Cesare Pavese. “We do not remember days, we remember moments.” It is so true how we remember moments as well as memories.

Moments, as well as memories are precious and super special, especially when they are with at least one special person. In fact, sometimes they are downright one of the best things in the world, especially when you are looking back on the memories and they bring a smile to your face. This brings me to this quote. “The best things in life are the people you love, the places you go, and the memories you make.” It is true that you make memories and moments. It is also true that we have bad memories and moments, but we should not focus too much on those although those taught us something as well. I included both memories and moments in this post because they are pretty much the same things, but they can be slightly different. Memories I feel like are something to look back on while moments can sometimes be right now, in the present, like present moments for example. Sometimes you cannot help, but crave them with the right person or people. This post is extra special to me, so I included a couple of poems. Hang strong, my readers and I hope you all remember the good memories/moments in life before they are gone. The truth is that you sometimes have to let them go too. Enjoy!!

Craving Those Moments

In this moment, I know that I cannot leave
You behind, no matter how difficult it all
Gets. It is in those moments when you grieve
That I really see and feel you. When you crawl
Into that hole, I am right behind you. I give
You my shoulder for you to lean on because
I am your pillar. Darling, I always try to live
For those moments when life is always abuzz.
We get to shut out the silence and sadness
That threatens to spill in between the cracks.
It is when the world is filled with madness
And craziness that I crave life’s quiet climax.
I want those moments of solitude with you
And nobody else. You keep me level headed,
Calm and stable when nobody else can. Barely two
Years of this but I cannot get used to our threaded
Hands and palms fast enough. Our hearts are deeply
Intertwined and connected. Please just say
That you will always find a way to keep me
Because that is all I want and we meet halfway.

Summer Memories With You

You were my summer – full of sunlight,
Smiles, laughter, easiness, being able
To relax, and forgetting about those
Fall and winter days. Then the weather
Got colder and you were gone like the sun
Disappearing behind the clouds.
I wish I could keep those moments
Snuggling up with you until the sun rises
Close to my heart, but you probably
Already forgot about me. You are
Probably making some new memories
With some other girl. I hope she gets
To know all those things deep down
Inside of you that you told me when
You could not fall asleep. I hope that
She gets to hear your laughter and
Your singing voice that I was entranced
With. I hope that she gets to hold your
Hand when she needs comfort like I did.
I hope that she holds onto you tight
Like I tried to do. She does not want to
Lose you because you mean everything
To her like you once did for me.
You were my good summer memories.

Hanging On Vs. Letting Go

First of all, I want to talk about one of my new heroes, Mandy Hale (for a moment or two here). I highly recommend two of her books (both of which I have read). “I’ve Never Been to Vegas, but My Luggage Has: Mishaps and Miracles on the Road to Happily Ever After” and “The Single Woman’s Sassy Survival Guide: Letting Go and Moving On.” Both of those books are witty and humorous at times, but they also made me cry. I want to focus more on her book about letting go and moving on because that is the theme of this post.

I used to date this guy and he was my first boyfriend. For the longest time ever, I hung onto a poem I wrote to him, pretty much declaring my feelings for him. When we broke up I hung onto that piece of paper because he wrote something on it. Part of does not know why I hung onto it for all of those years. I finally got the courage to tear it up and throw it away in the trash. It was my own way of finally moving on. I have talked about getting hung up on past and how we cannot be stuck there forever. It is important to remember things from the past, but at the same time it is important to move forward with our lives.

Letting go and moving on are a couple of things that are hard to do no matter what. Some friendships and relationships come to an end at some point because they simply are not the same any more. Some of them just come to an end and we do not always know why. We have all been there, where something comes to an end and we do not know what to do. We can try to hang onto those memories or we can try to move on with our lives. We have memories and mementos from that relationship, whether they are pictures or stuffed animals or letters.

Hale has a section in her book about what to do with all of those items once you have ended that relationship. She suggests to put those things away and deal with them at some other time when the hurt goes away. It is true, we all get hurt. I am sorry, but it just happens that way. It may hurt now, but that cannot last forever. Hale talks about this whole idea of “out of sight and out of mind.” It sounds a lot better in theory than it does in real life, but that motto is worth trying out. That whole idea inspired this poem that I am sharing.

Forgetting

Clinging and holding onto

Something until your hands

Start to hurt is no good.

You need to let some of

The memories and

Moments go. Do not let them

Have power over you and

What you hang onto.

You may want to set them

On fire or delete them from

Your phone or return or

Give them back, but that is

Not the right thing to do.

You can delete those messages

All you want. You can tear your

Love notes all you want, but

Do not throw away things that

Were parts of your relationship.

Although they hurt to look at

They mean a lot to you.

Put them away in boxes that

Go into your closet or under

Your bed or into your head

And heart. They may be

Forgotten, but they will be there

When the hurt lessens and when

You are more ready to deal

With it all. Some things are

Hard to forget.