Tag: messy ties

Hard Times and Struggling

There are many moments (in our life) where we struggle and have difficult times. Some last a short while, but others last a whole lot longer. I found this amazing quote that I believe sums it all up. “Embrace the struggle and let it make you stronger. It won’t last forever” (said by Tony Gaskins). In other words, do not let your struggles or hard times keep you from breaking down and being weak. Every struggle and hardship is supposed to make you stronger/unbreakable. There is this saying that says that you have to go through the bad times before you can get to the good times. That is just how life works. You may try to blame other people or things that just go wrong, but you have to remember that you are the one who are going through these hard times and nobody else.

I get that life is not always fair, but that is just how life goes. We all have our ups and downs (sometimes a lot more downs), but we cannot allow them to dictate our life. I am in my 20s and still struggling, but at least I am trying to rebuild my life. In fact, I have been trying to rebuild my life since I finished college a few years ago. The good thing about rebuilding your life is that you get to decide who you want to be and what you want to do with your life. I was explaining this to a friend of mine (about rebuilding my life) and she put it in a great way (that I have never really though about before). She said “Everybody goes through those phoenix stages, burning up and starting over again.” I feel like that is a great metaphor, not only for my life, but for those around me because we all go through those stages in life. To quote the ever wonder Maya (again) from one her most famous pieces “Still I Rise,” she says “But still, like dust, I’ll rise.”

Regardless whatever hardship or obstacle or whatever storm comes your way, I promise you that you will eventually get through it. So this piece goes to all my readers who are having hard times and who are struggling (in whatever capacity). May you as Maya and I say…”Still I Rise.” May we all be phoenixes and continue to get through our hardships and times of struggle by rebuilding our lives (sometimes from the ground up). We will eventually find ourselves.

Like a Phoenix

Always keep walking on with your head

Held high up like a queen on her mission.

Even if you are going through bad times

 

Remember that life is like an audition.

It is all trial and error in life. Although

You want to mope, show your ambition

 

And do not let anyone dull your glow.

We are all phoenixes rising up from

The ashes. We all continue and plough

 

On through uncertainty. Stand firm

Through all the fire, rain and every storm.

I know you are stronger than every crumb

 

And rock below your feet. You will transform

Into something magnificent and wonderful, my

Dear. I can promise you that. Do not be lukewarm.

 

When the dusty ashes will be settled and be dry,

Then you will be beginning to rebuild your life

From the ground up. You are meant to soar and fly.

Being Thankful and Grateful

It is hard to believe that November is coming to an end (pretty soon I might add) and it is that time of year when we start to think about all the things we are grateful/thankful for (mostly because of Thanksgiving). Thanksgiving dates back a long time ago in our history when the Pilgrims came over on the Mayflower, but I do not know the exact history. When I look up the definition of Thanksgiving in the dictionary, it defines Thanksgiving as “the act of giving thanks; grateful acknowledgment of benefits or favors, especially to God” (dictionary.com). I personally do not think of Thanksgiving as a religious holiday (as someone who comes from a non-practicing and non-religious family although I am Catholic/Jewish). I just think of it as another holiday to celebrate with loved ones with lots of food and laughter.

Being thankful and grateful should never have to be religious (and it should not be forced upon anybody as such).  Even though I think about all the things I am thankful for (and trust me, I have a lot of things I should be thankful/grateful for), I also think about those who may not be as lucky (like those who are living on the streets or those who are alone without family and friends). The other part of Thanksgiving is the giving part. You can never do wrong by giving (and I know that is something I can work on it). As much as we want to complain/argue about the things we do not have, we should not have to focus on those things. It is all a part of being thankful/grateful for the things we already have. There is this quote I found (in the spirit of Thanksgiving that is coming up this week). “Give thanks with a grateful heart” (Thessalonians 5:6).

So I hope that all my readers have a wonderful Thanksgiving (no matter where you are or who you celebrate it with). I just want to take this moment to thank all of the people who have continuously supported me and for all the things I am lucky to have (like endless love from my family and friends), a roof over my head, laugher, clothing, and food to eat. I hope that everybody realizes that there is always something (no matter how big or small it might be) to be thankful/grateful for. Demi is the one who says that (although the quote is really said by Oprah Winfrey) “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” And in this poem I echo a key part from Maya Angelou’s “Phenomenal Woman.” P.S. I just want to give a special shout out to K (wherever this person is) because although we have had our ups and downs I am still truly grateful/thankful for having you in my life.  

A Taste of Freedom and Thankfulness

A phenomenal woman, words
Echoed by my hero, Maya Angelou.
Fly home free like the birds.

You are every color, shade and hue
Of the rainbow. Never let the rest
Of the world keep you sad and blue.

Be continuously thankful and blessed
For everything you could ever possess.
Love, family and friends. Drive out west

Where you can taste freedom and say yes.
See every sunset and count all of the stars.
Remember every soft touch and caress.

Live life and sit on the handlebars
Instead of sitting in the passenger seat.
Nobody would be pointing at your scars

From every scrape and bruise. Defeat
All the haters and all of the doubt.
Never let anybody or anything mistreat

You or your trust. You should shout
It out from the rooftops because that is
Who you are and what you are all about.

Election Aftermath

Election night was absolutely crazy (Trump won). I will put it out there that I was not happy about the results (my family and I are Hillary Clinton supporters). Most of all I am concerned (not only for myself because I am a woman) for people of all different races, sexual orientation, and disabilities. Trump is one of those people who creates hatred and a sense of “white power.” His running mate (Mike Pence is no better). People can disagree with me all they want around this (and I do not want to get into any political arguments).

I am also concerned for the next generation (for those boys and girls) who watch what was on TV (around the election coverage and debates) and see that someone (especially a woman) could not become the first (female) President of the United States. Electing this man as our president sends the wrong message to our children. They would think it is okay to say cruel remarks towards women. They would think it is okay to mock people with disabilities. They think it would be okay to call Mexicans “rapists” and “criminals.” They would think it is okay to ban Muslims from entering this country and getting rid of illegal immigrants.

He wants to make this country “great” again, but he and his supporters (and those who elected him) are making everybody afraid (especially those who fit in one of those categories I was just talking about). I wish that I could give Trump the benefit of the doubt, but I cannot. I do hope that we can all rally (continuing these peaceful protests) and just hope (for the sake of our children) that we can do something for this country (in a productive way), especially if you are feeling hopeless after this election cycle.

I want to give hope to everybody and please do not ever get discouraged. And if you ever continue to see or feel hatred I found a quote for you. “When you see hatred, ignorance, and racism, stare it in the face. It probably won’t have the courage to look back.” As Hillary said in her concession speech, “I have, as Tim [Kaine] said, spent my entire adult life fighting for what I believe in. I’ve had successes and I’ve had setbacks, sometimes really painful ones. Many of you are at the beginning of your professional, public, and political careers. You will have successes and setbacks, too. This loss hurts, but please never stop believing that fighting for what’s right is worth it. It is, it is worth it.” I hope that people realize that (at least some of us) are still with her (no matter what). So let us keep fighting, hoping, and getting us back on our feet. That is all we can do at this point because it is not only about us, but it is also about the next generation as well. Cheers and remember that although we want to mope (trust me, it could happen) do not stay in that state forever. Good days are ahead of us (also said by Hillary).

Only Love and Hope

There is no room for hatred in

This world. Do not dislike me

Or anybody else because we all

Have different skin colors. I may

Not pray to the same God as you.

I may not face or know the same

Hardships as other people. Many

Generations have come to this

Country for a new beginnings

And change. Now we have to say

Some of it is not possible. We have

To show and tell our children that

It is possible, but how can we do

That if a woman cannot become

President of the United States?

So much for freedom. We live

On and continue to fight.

Saying Sorry

I could not wait for another full week before posting this one because it is something that has been weighing heavily on my mind these days. It is taking a lot of pride and courage to say what I am about to say… I have to be brutally honest and this is something I am working on a lot these days. I am talking about this issue because it just came up with a friend and someone else that I know (I am not naming any names for their protection, but I hope that they are reading this). Everybody who really knows me know and understand that I am a nice person (or at least I try to be). I am also one of those people who do not get mad or angry all that much (well I do sometimes, but I keep it in).

One thing I have been working on is apologizing when I get angry and take it out on someone when we both know they did not deserve it. Like I said before, this just recently happened with one of my good friends. I do not want to make any excuses, but sometimes things build up and you lash out on people. On the flip side, people have to tell me (especially right away) if I make them angry, upset or sad because I cannot always read people and it would be better if they tell me about it rather than telling other people or just straight up not telling me (even if I get defensive which does happen). I know other people feel this way too and we can all work on it, I promise.

I know that I feel appreciative when people apologize and say sorry to me because it shows me they care enough so I know other people would appreciate the same when I do the same. I just want everybody to realize that yes, there are times when you need to apologize for some mistake that you made (even if you do not know what exactly you did or even if it is a small mistake), but do not feel like you need to apologize when you are being yourself. There is a big difference between the two. There is this quote I found to sum it all up perfectly. “You will always be too much of something for some people: too big, too loud, too soft, too emotional, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you will lose your edge. Apologize for unintentionally hurting someone…profusely. But do not apologize for being who you are.”

So I urge my readers to apologize for something that they did, no matter how big or small. Sometimes you did not mean to do it intentionally. It happens to all of us, even to the really good people. Forget about your pride and ego because it is not always about you, it is about the other person and making sure they know how much you care. If you or they do not care, then why does it matter? Some relationships and friendships (especially with loved ones) are far more important than others. People need to realize that more. Here is a poem, written as an apology for everybody (including those who I have unintentionally hurt). Nobody is ever weak (especially in these particular moments). Just know that it is never okay to intentionally hurt someone (no matter if they deserve it or not).

Being Sorry

Wounded ego and pride.

Forget about my feelings

And be able to put them aside.

 

I am the one who is healing

Someone else rather

Than just myself. Revealing

 

Myself is hard. I want to gather

You up close to my heart so you

Hear sincerity. You are my brother

 

And my blood sister too

So I feel sorry. Anger is no

Excuse for bidding you adieu

 

For good. I hope I do not blow

This opportunity with you because

You have always meant so

 

Much to me, no matter is every vase

Has shattered into thousands of small

Pieces. I do not want to cause

 

You any more pain. For all

Of the things I have said and

Done I apologize for hitting the wall.

Getting to Know Each Other

“Knowing a person is like music, what attracts us to them is their melody, and as we get to know who they are, we learn their lyrics.” It is often the case that when we first meet someone we want to get to know them very well. It is just natural instinct to have (and there is nothing wrong with it). I see it as being curious because you want to know more about them and who they are as a person. We have to spend time and get to know someone even if it is scary or intimidating. I know that we are not supposed to make judgements about other people, but those could wait until you really get to know someone super well. Only then can you decide if you want to be friends with this person, something more, or nothing at all.

You could have known this person for days, weeks, months, years and yet you still may not know everything about that person. That is perfectly okay because while people may be getting to know each other in a short amount of time, for other people it takes a longer amount of time, especially if you see yourself with this person intimately. Honestly, I want to get to know someone before deciding if I want some kind of relationship (even a friendship) with them. There is this study I found online (especially for couples) that says it takes 2 to 4 years to getting to know someone completely. For example, I have known this one person since high school. We never really hung out until recently (just last year when we reconnected). I have still been trying to get to know this person and I have been letting this person get to know me as well.

So I encourage my readers (and everybody else out there) to getting to know other people and never being afraid of asking difficult questions. We are social people and have interaction with people on a daily basis (unless you live in complete isolation). The truth is that we are getting to know each other (regardless if we already know this person or not). Sometimes we have to get to know someone all over again too (meaning the same person again). Be brave, be curious, and be fearless. Do not be afraid to go on a deeper level with someone. We are caring people (on the surface and deep down inside). It is all a part of living and being human.

Getting to Know Each Other

Know her for more than the girl
Who laughs and smiles all the time.
Nobody knows that she bangs her
Head against the wall, trying to make
Sense of the injustice of the world.
She is also trying to make sense of
You because the confident person
She used to know is no longer there
Anymore. You are replaced by
Someone who is unsure and
Unconfident. She cannot be there
For you anymore than she can
Be there for herself. She wants you
To let her in past the wall you keep
Building higher up every time.
Let her in because you know deep
Down that you should trust her.
She cannot let you lead yourself off
The ledge like that anymore. She is
Never careless or selfish. If anything,
She cares too much and that is how
She gets hurt. She trusts too easily
And knows that she deserves the best
Only because she has been through
The worst. You may see her as blessed,
Lucky and with the world below
Her feet, but she does not view herself
The same way. Just like she thinks there
Are better things ahead for you when
You think you are no good and unloved
Person. Let her get to know you just like
She wants you to get to know her.
She knows that she is imperfect and is
Not ordinary just like you are not
Just any ordinary person.

Being Normal

Who in their right mind would tell people to be normal? What does normal even mean. When I look it up in the dictionary (or on dictionary.com), one of the definitions that it gives is the following. “Conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.” So in other words it is not anything weird or unstructured. Pardon my language, but screw being normal. In my mind, being normal is a waste of time. Yes, some things are meant to be normal or regularly structured, but a lot of things (in fact, pretty much everything else) is not meant to be normal.

I have opened up before and shared some of the challenges I have had with my learning disability. For those of you who do not know about my LD (learning disability) I am going to describe some of the history behind it. When I was born, I was diagnosed with a loosely defined “hypotonia” (also known as low muscle tone). I did not know how to use my muscles to walk and talk (in fact my parents thought I would never be able to talk). I have a hard time receiving and understanding information. I also have short term memory issues. Here I am 25 years later after going through many years of speech and occupational therapy. I was also in special education up until I was in middle school (and I graduated from special education in middle school). I am truly thankful for the countless amount of support I had to get over my learning challenges (and I still have many challenges to this very day too). That list includes my parents (because they were very much new in learning about this), my speech and occupational therapists, as well as my teachers and everybody else who I forgot to mention before.

I felt like it was important to share some of the history behind my LD because I hope people begin to understand me better, but also because my learning disability is a part of my own normal. In fact I have a shirt that says “Be your own normal.” I used to be a little embarrassed by my LD because I did not want to get any special treatment and I wanted to be just like everybody else. I do not think that it was until in high school and college that I began to embrace it because I realized that my LD is a huge part of who I am. So when people say to be normal or be like other people, I really want to say screw it.

Yeah, there are people who are like me (with their disability and challenges), but in my mind everybody has their own definition of “normal.” I cannot help but be weird and unordinary (so what?) That is what people should really like about you, that you are like nobody else. There is this quote by Dr. Seuss that says “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” And I really have to agree with him. If everything was normal and everybody fit in, what is the point? This world would be too normal and too ordinary. No, that will not work.

I know that I have said a lot in this post, but that is because this subject is very important to me. You really should not listen to other people and what they have to say anyways. I do have one more quote to share before I include the poem for this post. This is a quote that I find highly motivating and in part, has inspired me to write this poem. The quote by the way is by Michelle Rose Gilman (she has become one my role models and she is a huge inspiration to me as a woman. She has her own business called Well-Heeled Warrior). “She had a gypsy soul and warrior spirit. She made no apologies for her wild heart. She left normal and regular to explore the outskirts of magical and extraordinary.” Here is the poem, now included. I hope that my readers enjoy. Here is one last reminder for my readers and everybody else and that is to not be afraid to find your own normal because like I said before everybody has their own definition of normal. I hope that everybody embraces who they truly are. Cheers!!!!
Her Own Normal

She never wanted to be normal. What she wanted
Was to be wild and crazy, but in her eyes that was
Perfectly okay. It was never in her blood

To have a calm heart. She did not want applause.
She always wanted to roam and be set free.
She did not care if people’s jaws

Hit the floor or not. She wanted to be airy
And full of light. She still had this fire to her
That nobody else had. She wanted so badly

To prove people wrong. She had this desire to stir
Everything up until everything became so mixed
And jumbled together so that everything became a blur.

She is not looking to be mended or fixed
So she can look like everybody else. She is meant
To be broken and tangled. She always nixed

The idea of being completely normal. She is spent
And tired of living up to all the high standards.
She wants every part of life to have a dent

And cracks. She did not want to go backwards
In time when the past is in the past and she
Was never looking for the correct answers.

She is not looking for mistakes. She just wanted to be
A part of something new, fresh and out of the box.
That woman will always be the whole part of me.

Running Away

When we are kids, didn’t we (at some point) have the urge to run away? I sometimes had that urge as a kid, but I have that feeling more as an adult (honestly more than I did when I was a kid). There is word for that urge, which in this  case is an overwhelming urge (I just recently learned about this word) and it is “drapetomania.” Running away is such a strong image. People think of running away when things get tough, difficult or challenging. Some people even have the urge to run away to get away from the same old thing every day and they are sick of it. That is why some people (including myself) like travelling. We use it as a way of escape.

Another reason why people want to run away is to see if anybody truly cares about us because in our minds if people really care about us they would chase after us (something seen in a lot of romance books and movies) or would not want us to run away. However, this part of running away becomes difficult because sometimes the people who care about us (the most) urge us maybe not so much to run away (especially forever), but to run away and travel the world especially. What I want in my life is for people to urge me to not so much run away, but to start walking and enjoying everything. Those are the people who really care about us. Running away in a sense has a lot to do with rushing (another closely related topic that I have talked about in another one of my blog posts).

I was recently reading a wonderfully written book (titled “All For Anna”). It was written by Nicole Deese. It is a heart wrenching book, mostly about loss, but also about hope. I was reading that book and it inspired me in part to write this particular blog post for my readers. In the book, one of the main characters, Victoria, deals with a tragic loss of a young girl named Anna (I do not want to give too much away), but Victoria uses running (in the literal sense) as a coping mechanism. That is what I think about when it comes to running and I like I have said before we use it as a way to get away from our problems and our pain that we try to deal with on a daily basis.

I want to encourage my readers that it is okay to have that urge to run away, but do not run away from your problems because that will get you nowhere. Sometimes you are even lucky enough to find someone who will run away with you. It reminds me of this quote. “Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will come after you.” Keep strong and hang in there!

Running Away

I am taking off and trying to run

Away as far as I possibly can.

I want to go towards the sun

 

And throw away the set plan

As I go there. I want you to come

With me because it is better than

 

Being alone. Every crumb

We leave behind does not matter.

It brings me comfort with your thumb

 

Against my cheek. Let the ashes scatter

And for me to stop running. I want to

Start walking and to enjoy the splatter

 

Of the colors of the sunset that skew

With my head no longer. Every piece

Of rubble is another reminder for you

 

And I to slow down. Let us cease

This disarray and getting away

From our problems. Every crease

 

Is old and boring. I want you to stay

With me for this long journey

Ahead of us. Nothing should weigh

 

Heavily on our minds. Our worry

Goes out the window along with

Everything else. Let the unworthy

 

Things go. I am no wordsmith

To explain the things in my head,

But everything is more than a myth.

 

I want to leave my same old bed

Behind and sleep in a brand

New place. This new thread

 

We are walking on feels like sand

Beneath our feet. It is no small

Defeat to walk and to stand

 

Among those who saw me as a doll.

I am not breakable and I will not crack.

Do not back me up against the wall

 

Otherwise I will let everything black

Out and fade away. Then I will

Never be willing to ever come back.

Turning 25

Hi everybody. Sorry I have not written for a while (things have been way crazy with the start of classes and all of that). I just celebrated turning 25 (just a couple of weeks ago). For some reason I was really dreading turning 25 this year, in part because 25 is another important age for me and maybe my life is not as together as I thought it was going to be at this age (also 25 is making me feel a little bit old these days). I also thought 18, 21 and now 25 are important ages because in my mind they signify something. Birthdays have come and gone in the past, but this one hit me a lot harder than some of the others.

I was talking to a lot of people about feeling mixed about turning 25 this year (including my therapist who I see once a month). I thought that I would be in a stable job and relationship. I also thought that I would have a better sense of my life and when I fast forward to when I actually turned 25, I have no job (at least not yet) and I do not have a steady/serious relationship with any guy (not yet). I was having pretty high expectations about where my life is going versus where it is not going. My therapist pointed out that I have to throw out my rules and expectations about turning 25 (because they do not need to be applied to my life).

There is at least a few life lessons to be learned here. The first one is to throw out the rules and just enjoy your life wherever you are. The second thing to remember is that age does not matter. The third is to experience the lows, but do not forget to experience the highs too. There is no set rules or expectations of where your life should be and pay no attention to those who are way ahead of you (they are a completely different kind of people). This is a perfect moment to mention a quote (that I just recently found) to sum up what I mean. “Just because you took longer than others, doesn’t mean you failed. Remember that.” Sometimes when I get discouraged, I have to remember how far I have come.

I hope that all of my readers embrace all that they have accomplished and remember that we all have our whole life ahead of us (especially when we are young). I hope that you enjoy this poem that I have included below. It serves as a reminder and that we are not alone (when it comes to being in a dark place). Hold on tight.

Leave Me Here

The water is swallowing me up whole
And I am left without enough oxygen to
Breathe. I fight to keep my control,

But I want to fade away and turn blue
Because I am tired of being everyone
Else’s anchor. I am done being the glue

To hold everything together. Take the gun
And shoot me in the heart because I would
Rather die than live in misery. Take the sun

Away because I want to sink to where I should
Be, at the bottom surrounded by complete
Darkness and blackness. I am just driftwood

And utterly useless. I am not tidy or neat.
I would rather be messy and bloody so that
I can be ignored or passed by on the street

Without a second glance. I could be flat
Like a cardboard box and you would still never
Look my way. Hit me right in the gut

And it is guaranteed to hurt. It is better to sever
This while we still can rather than regretting
It all in the end. I would never have to endeavor

Or burden anybody again. You will be forgetting
Me soon enough just like everybody else has. So
While you are the one who is jetting

Off somewhere else and new, I want you to show
Me that I am right by leaving me here to wilt away
Just like everything else. I want to feel the low.

Getting Lost

It happens to all of us at some point. We start off on the right path or heading towards the right destination and somehow along the way we get utterly lost. Do not think of it as a bad thing because getting lost is just a part of life. To be honest, right now I am in a part of my life where I am lost, but I am heading towards something great (or at least I hope so one day) and I am sure that a lot of people feel the same way. There is this quote that I found that is absolutely amazing. “Just because my path is different doesn’t mean I am lost.” What that quote is saying is that everybody’s path is different and that is perfectly okay. It is also saying that does not necessarily mean that we are lost. It is just the way of life (as I was saying before).

I know that we all get lost, but sometimes it is better to not feel so alone in getting lost. In other words, you have to find someone who is not afraid of getting lost with you. It does not matter if it is a friend, a family member or someone you love (like a partner, etc.), but you should be able to lean on them and trust them. Another thing that goes along with being lost is being found (sometimes again). There is this back and forth thing going on with being lost and then being found. Sometimes we want to be found and other times we do not want to be found (in other words we want to be lost forever).

I want to encourage my readers (that would be you who is reading this) to take advantage of this time when you are lost and realize that although it may seem like a sucky thing like that is something wonderful. It means that maybe you are not happy with how your life is going and hence getting lost is the best solution to that. There is a quote (that I love) that explains why getting lost is a good thing. “Getting lost is a good way to find yourself.” I personally think that in those moments where you get lost (which can be scary) is when you truly find yourself and what you truly care about. I hope that you enjoy this piece (and get literally lost within it if you want to). Cheers!! I still hope that you all find someone like this in your life (and trust me that they may be worth it completely).

Lost Together

I was more afraid of losing you rather than

Losing myself. It was not that I was getting

Lost, it was the fact that I could and can

 

Get lost with you. We were not jetting

Off to somewhere new and foreign

Because we are not worried about fitting

 

In with anybody. Together we have fallen,

But we are getting up and continuing on.

Sometimes this big world is barren

 

And cannot protect us. We cannot let it wan

Our hope or faith that we will survive while

Still getting lost together. Let the past bygone

 

As well as this unexplored terrain. Every mile

Lost is another step gained from walking this

Path with you. Every tear and smile

 

Is worth it. We would never want to miss

Out on any of it. Getting lost is an adventure.

We are going into the dark hole and abyss.

Having Patience

Yes, we all go through changes (look on my blog post about that topic if you do not believe me), but a lot of the time we go through major changes and it takes time/patience to get through those major changes. Demi puts it this way. “Have patience. Even the greatest changes in our lives to occur.” Having patience (especially a lot of it) is a life lesson we could (including myself) all use. To be honest, I struggle with having patience, especially with people and things I truly care about. I am sure that everybody has a similar story to the one I am about to tell. Christmas has always been one of my favorite holidays growing up (in fact it still is). I would always get so excited and wake up early to open up my presents.

My patience also runs a little thin with people too. For example, there is this person I am dealing with (I will not name anybody specifically). Let us call this person K. I want to meet up with that person so badly, but it has not worked out and I have expressed my concern. This person told me to be patient with them. I am trying my best, but I told this person that they have to be patient with me (especially since I know that I am one of those people who loses their patience pretty easily most of the time). Patience in a sense is like what I call the waiting game… You have to be patient almost all the time. When you are waiting on the phone, waiting in traffic, waiting around for something to happen or for someone to show up, etc.

My point to all of this is the importance of having patience, waiting and not rushing into things. The automatic thing that we all do is to rush when there is no point in doing so. I found the perfect quote to tie it all together. “We often want it so badly that we ruin it before it begins. Over-thinking. Fantasizing. Imagining. Expecting. Worrying. Doubting. Just let it evolve naturally.” In other words, just let it all happen the way it is supposed to (no matter if it changes from your original plans). So in other words be patient with people because you never know what they have dealt with or what they are dealing with right now. They are trying to sort out their life and so are you. Whatever you do, do not lose hope or take your frustration out on people (who may or may not deserve it). In other words, hang in there and ride it out. You have to realize that some things (or people) are worth the wait and some are not. That is just the way it goes.

The Waiting Game

The seconds are ticking by,

Then the minutes, and

Then the hours go by.

Who am I waiting for?

What I am waiting for?

Am I waiting for you?

Am I waiting for me?

Am I waiting for us?

Confusion. Anger.

Chaos.  Sadness.

Happiness. Guilt.

What am I feeling?

What should I be feeing?

 

More Time

You are not trying to push me,
But all you are asking for is a little bit
Of patience. You wanted to see

If I could hang on. I do not want to slit
My wrists without knowing what
This feels like. This life will not sit

Down and take a rest. This cut
Of the thread that holds us together
Cannot break anymore. I know that

I cannot let you float away like a feather
Or sink down like a heavy rock. We promised
Ourselves to get through this bad weather

No matter what. If we cannot be honest
With one another then we cannot
Deserve and feel the calmness

Washing over us like a wave. This shot
To the heavens cannot destroy this
Inner turmoil and fire. You caught

My heart and will not let go. The bliss
In our eyes will not be let go of. I
Wish that I would never have to miss

Some of these moments, but I have to lie
To myself for a little bit in order to survive
Through the chaos of life. To cry

Over the situation we have to live
Through is hard, but as long as you
Promise me that we will make it and thrive

Everything should be okay. The two
Of us should be able to handle this united.
It has to be us that will push through

Every battle. This is our own lighted
Path filled with obstacles and challenges.
This is our endless support that is unrequited.