Tag: messy ties

Upside Down Life

I’ve realized life doesn’t go always as planned. Some days are good and other days are bad. Life changes on a daily basis. Things could be going good and then life gets turned upside down. I know life is tough and bad things happen. Life is difficult. I know that we we all lose hope and faith sometimes. Sometimes life will turn right side up and sometimes it will stay sideways or upside down or can be all over the place. In retrospect, we could all use that hope and faith.

I wrote this when I was going through a bad situation. I wrote this when I was in a bad place, but I hope this serves as a sense of inspiration for people who are going through bad times and rough patches. I found a quote somewhere saying that “It may be stormy now, but it can’t rain forever.” So in other words, you can be in bad place now, but it can’t stay that way forever.

Although I won’t mention Demi directly, it all goes hand in hand with being your own best friend. Jobs come and go. People come and go. You can’t let those get you down. You’ve got to rise above it and get what you deserve. We all deserve happiness and love. That’s a given in life. Sometimes it takes time to get what we deserve, but you can’t give up! So I hope this poem lifts you up and reminds you to keep going on because it doesn’t matter what you did in the past. Being your own best friend means getting what you deserve in life. All that matters is that you learn and move on with your life. Enjoy!!

Happy

Life has its ups and downs.

Sometimes it throws us off

The edge and hoping we’ll live.

Sometime life hurts and

Makes us unhappy.

That’s why we leave things,

Places and people behind.

It’s not because

They’re completely bad

And awful. It’s because we

Keep on walking forward.

They teach us what we want

And don’t want in life.

We know there’s something

Better out there for us.

Doors keep opening

And closing. That’s

Why they’re revolving doors.

Life keeps going and we’re

Given new hope every day.

We deserve to be appreciated

And loved for what we bring to

The table. We don’t have time

For things that weigh us

Down and makes us feel

Unwanted. We don’t want to

Feel undervalued and

Under appreciated for

Things that are out of

Our control. We don’t have

Room in our lives for people

Only pointing out our weaknesses.

If it doesn’t serve us

Then we certainly don’t need it.

We need to be appreciated

And valued for being strong.

We are dedicated and hard

Working individuals who

Deserve chances. Life

Can’t knock us down.

We can only get back up

If we do. We deserve to

Be happy

Because happiness

Is the most important

Thing in life to have.

That and love. We deserve

Love too. We want to have

A lifetime of happiness and love.

Being Your Own Best Friend

I am lucky enough to have really amazing 2 best friends and other friends I’m really close to. They mean the world to me. However, one thing I have learned, especially going through school and bad times myself, is that no matter how many BFFs and good friends you have, it’s always important to be your own best friend. That is one thing Demi talks about and I think it’s very important to emphasize here. I made the decision to move across the country for college (still one of the best choices I’ve made). That meant leaving my BFF (we’ve been best friends since elementary school) and my other close friends I’ve made throughout my life at that point behind. It meant I had to make new friends and meant I had to start over again (of making friends). In between all of that I had to learn to be my own best friend because there I was, on my own and a little nervous.

The friends I made at McDaniel were (and are still) amazing!! All my friends up through college have been there for me. I think being your own best friend goes hand in hand with taking care of yourself, which means to stop chasing people and things that are no longer good for you. So I’m sorry for cutting some people out (that is a gift for myself). Taking care of yourself means taking care of your physical and mental health.

I have to admit that I’ve had many rough patches and have days where I felt like I couldn’t do anything. In those moments I am grateful for my friends and family but I am also grateful for myself. Additionally, I am thankful for pushing myself through those days and rough patches. More importantly it’s always about loving yourself no matter what, even on those days where you feel insecure and bad about yourself. This poem goes to all those people who ever feel they need self confidence and serves as a reminder to treat yourself as good as Demi says we should. This poem is self-explanatory, but think of it as a love letter to yourself (from a woman’s perspective).

Loving Yourself

Take a look into the mirror,

Really take a hard look.

Do you see her?

She’s an important person.

She’s you and she’s me.

For a moment,

Forget about being there

For other people.

You need to be there

For yourself.

People, they come

And go. They leave

And some of them

Never come back.

But there will be

One person with you

Every day and that’s

Yourself. You can be

The only one to pick

Yourself up when

You’re surrounded

By darkness.

She’ll see your

Worth and

Determination

Even when nobody

Else sees it.

She’ll be there

When you’re feeling

Ugly and alone.

She reminds you

To be good to yourself.

She gets you over

The pain and heartbreak.

She’s the one

To give you a pep talk.

She gets you over

The bumps in the road.

She’ll be there to

Remind you to breathe.

She helps you find yourself.

She’ll tell you to

Let it all go.

She’ll be the shoulder

To cry on. She’ll be the

One to crack a smile

Or a joke.

Don’t let her leave

You behind

And most importantly

Take care of her because

You need each other.

She’s much more

Than a part of you.

Don’t forget that.

She’s the mind,

The heart, soul

And the true essence

Of everything.

She’s fearless.

She’s unapologetic.

She’s tough. She’s

A fighter. She’s kind.

She’s gentle.

Give her love. She’s

The one who deserves it

Just as much as

Everybody else does.

Loving her and

Letting her live are

The best things

To do for her

And for yourself.

There, she’ll survive

And thrive.

She’ll bloom and

You’ll never

Regret anything.

She’s your best friend.

She’ll help you more

Than anything or

Anybody else.

P.S. It goes hand in hand with my theme of messy ties. As much as it’s important to have connections with other people, it is also important to have a (good) connection with ourselves. Like I said before (in a previous post) “love is all you need.”

“All You Need Is Love”

There’s a song title by the same name (by The Beatles) and Demi talks about it for today’s entry. Love isn’t always easy to come by and saying “I love you” to someone isn’t always easy to say. The closest thing I have to love is loving all those close to me. It starts with my parents (for whom I am forever grateful for) to my close family and friends. The list goes on and on. Demi says to show people and tell people that you love them. She goes on to say to bake them something or shout it from the roof tops or write them a letter. This is probably the closest thing to any of those things. The people who I love mean the world to me. They love me right back and always encourage me to keep going every day no matter what. In other words, I guess saying “I love you” is like saying thank you. I could never love anybody better than those people. The list goes on to my 2 BFFs (Marcia and BreAnna), my grandma, all my aunts and uncles, my cousins, my close friends (especially Katalin and Nancy), my other friends, and my extended family (those of you who aren’t blood related). I appreciate each and every one of you. I love you all so much! For today’s entry I don’t have a poem (sorry), but this for everybody!! This is my way of using my talents to show my love for you all.

Be Fearless

Demi talks about being fearless in one of her entries in her book and so does Taylor Swift in her album by the same name. Here’s a part of what Taylor says that’s in the album cover booklet: “To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death…” I think it’s up to us what to do about those fears, but that’s besides the point. We’re all scared, that’s just a part of life. That’s one thing I always try to strive to be, regardless of the situation or what happens in life.

I think that’s why I’m so drawn to theatre and performing arts, especially acting. First of all, people have always told me I’m fearless and bold because it takes courage to even try acting. My acting teachers that I’ve had always say to be fearless in the choices you make, both on and off stage (thanks Elizabeth). Nobody can make those choices for you, only you can. And secondly to perform in front of other people is being fearless.

Fearlessness goes hand in hand with being vulnerable. People told me I’m fearless for starting this blog. Other people say I’m fearless for writing and sharing my work with the world. That’s being fearless and vulnerable. I know that I can be fearless and vulnerable in many aspects of my life. However, one thing I’m trying to be more fearless and vulnerable about is expressing my feelings to other people. It’s about being honest and being open. When you’re vulnerable and fearless it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re willing to share and receive things that are sometimes deep down. It’s all about being strong in the end.

You can’t always hide things deep down where they’re bottled up. I found this quote that says that, “Sometimes you can hurt yourself more than anyone can hurt you just by keeping all your feelings hidden.” I think it’s better to have everything out in the open rather than keeping things hidden. I know it’s hard, but it’s worth a try. Feelings are as real and vulnerable as they come. Through this I am sharing things that are personal. 

Real Feelings

Feelings cannot be pushed

Away and shoved aside

Because feelings are real.

They aren’t to be judged

Or criticized. I can try to

Fight those feelings and

Pretend they don’t exist

Or I can show them

For people to see.

Don’t you feel them too?

It’s like putting your hand

Over my heart and hearing

It beat. You have control

Over it as much as I do.

It’s a rhythm that won’t stop

Until I take my last breath.

These feelings for you

Don’t and won’t go away.

They only grow stronger

With more connection

And force. It’s erupting

Like molten lava.

I hope you’re there to

Catch the spill overflowing.

Once it starts it can’t stop

Unless you’re willing to

Mop it all up and let it

All dry up.

Update: Somewhere New

As I’ve said previously, I was determined to follow Demi’s goal of going somewhere new. I’m a person who tries to follow through (I’m just that type of person). I had a plan that didn’t exactly work the way I wanted to. Let’s backtrack for a bit, so I stayed up the night before this excursion. I remembered going on a hike with my good friend Zoë a while a back ago to watch the sunset (I thought for some reason it was the Berkeley Fire Trail but maybe I was wrong). Anyways, after some planning and research, I was prepared.

Of course I made some alterations as I went along. I even printed directions from Google Map (which of course I ended up leaving at home later on before I left). My plan was to wake up and try to make it up there before sunrise (that ended up not happening). I woke up and got ready. I headed out the door and got the directions on my phone. I followed the directions exactly and it’s not where I originally planned on going.

At that point I wanted to give up (even on the way to where I was going I wanted to go back home), but like I said before I’m someone who follows through. I ended up where the directions ended and was a little closer to where I wanted to be. I started following some people and was pretty close to where I wanted to end up. I followed the trail and somehow ended up at at the bottom of the Lawrence Hall of Science, a place where I went to when I was a kid. I was going to head back home, almost defeated at that point when I saw a good vantage point. It was exactly what I wanted to see. All I wanted to see was a panoramic view of the East Bay and part of the other side of the bay.

It got a little misty and started raining (luckily I was all bundled up). At that point I sat down and took it all in. I brought my camera along to take some pictures and I took some photographs on my iPhone too. I also brought my poetry notebook to write some things down before I forgot. The trek was exhausting and longer than what I was planning or expecting, but it was all worthwhile. I met Demi’s goal (which is also mine).

Keep scrolling!! You’ll find some pictures and a poem, describing my experience. Enjoy!!

Somewhere New

A view worth seeing.
Nothing can capture the
Beauty of my beloved city,
Not even a photograph.
Nothing can beat a
Stunning view of the
Place I’m lucky enough to
Call my home. I live in the hustle
And bustle of the city I grew up in.
It’s not until you get away from
The city noise and traffic
That you explore
Something new. You get peace
And quiet up here. You can think
And take a moment or two
To catch your breath after
The strenuous, but so
Worthwhile trek. Up here,
Away from the city you
Disconnect from technology
And you start to look at
Things with a fresh eye.
You gain a whole new perspective
Of the place that you thought
You really know like the back
Of your hand. You start to realize
How big the world truly is.
We become thankful for
The things we have.
We’re the lucky ones to
Live where we live. We have
Clothes to wear, food to eat,
Water to use, and
A roof over our heads. Some
Other people in this world aren’t
So lucky. They’re barely surviving.
We’re lucky to breathe.
I’m taking it all in with a
Mental picture before it goes away.
This is where I am, in this moment.
This is somewhere new.
It’s a place where I sometimes
Get lost and feel stuck.
But I’m still living
And still learning as I go.
As I’ve learned life can go as fast
Or as slow as we want it to go.
I’m forever grateful for
Moments like this in my lifetime.
These are moments to cherish
And to get us unstuck.
East Bay
East Bay
Panoramic view of East Bay.
Panoramic view of East Bay.

Somewhere New

On January 2nd, Demi wrote “Goal: Stay open to anything and take a day (or week) seeing a new part of the world. If you can’t afford to take time off work then visit a new neighborhood in your own town. Be grateful for everything you have.” Like Demi, I’ve been very lucky enough to have travelled a lot to different places around the world from the time I was in my mom’s stomach when she was pregnant up until I was an adult. One of my first trips abroad was when I was nine months old and we went to Paris where we saw the Tour de France. My parent have instilled in me and in my siblings that we should take advantage of travelling while we still can.

There are many reasons why I chose to attend McDaniel College, clear across the country from my home state and city. When I was applying for colleges I chose colleges all across the country. I’m lucky to have the parents I do because they sat me down when I was looking at colleges and told me I can go anywhere I wanted to. I looked at very little schools located in California because I told myself as a California native that I was ready for a change. I grew up in the same area for many years and I wanted something different. The other reason why I chose McDaniel was because I knew if I was across the country I could become independent, something I had always dreamed about. People still ask me to this very day why I chose McDaniel. I tell them the reason why and I think to myself how much I’m happy that I made that choice. Sure, I was homesick, but who hasn’t gone through that at some point? I also wouldn’t have met the people I would have.

Going somewhere new is good which is why I vow that tomorrow (not today) since it’s late already, is the day I’m going to go to a new part of my city of Oakland. I’m going to trek on the Berkeley Fire Trail and try to watch the sunset. I would go to a new part of the world, but money is a little tight these days. I’ll give you all an update tomorrow. In the meanwhile, I’m leaving today with a poem.

On the Edge

She wants to be
Wild and crazy.
She wants to live
On the edge because
She’s tired of playing
It safe. She wants
The wind in her hair
As she heads
Towards freedom.
She’s tired of
People saying no.
She wants to be in
A new city and a new
Part of the world.
She wants everything
To be carefree and to
Have some kind
Of meaning.

Coming From the Same Place

Nothing but running wild horses.

They cannot be tamed. Roaming

The open fields, a part of our

Native land. The land of our

Long line of ancestors. It doesn’t

Matter where our own relatives

Are from, it’s a long list, from

Europe to Asia. From Africa

To South America. We all come

From this land of our earth.

Whether we conquered this land

And took over or we came to it,

Trying to escape hardship and

Misfortune, it doesn’t matter.

We all share the same history,

No matter where our own people

Come from. We have all had

Hardship, from slavery to the

Holocaust. We have all had triumphs

From desegregation to the legalization

Of same-sex marriage. We have all

Made long journeys made to escape

The Holocaust to escape slavery.

We have all fought in wars across

The world, from the wars in Iraq, in

Africa. We have all lost almost

Everything like in the Great Depression.

We have all starved to death across

The world. We may all have more in

Common than we realize. People say

You don’t know what my family has

Been through, but think about it.

We have all experienced the same things,

All in different parts of history, but it

Still happened. One day the whole world

Will stop noticing the differences and

Will notice the similarities.

New Mantra: I Am Beautiful and Good Enough

With the new year, I’m reading Demi Lovato’s Staying Strong: 365 Days a Year. She’s become such a huge inspiration to me because I feel like even though she’s younger than me by a year or two, she’s someone I can look up to. Every day she writes a short entry and then writes a goal to go with it. On January 1st, she writes “Goal: In this year, come up with a mantra that is just yours. Each day, look in the mirror and repeat it back to yourself.” My mantra that I came up with, after thinking about it for a while, is “I’m beautiful and good enough.” We all have days where we’e insecure and feel like we’re not good enough or beautiful enough. Some of us are lucky to have people in our lives who make us feel beautiful, but some of us aren’t so lucky. Here’s a poem to go along with the theme of this post.

Words Being Said

I’m beautiful on

The outside but

It’s my personality

That is so much more.

I’m me and that’s all

That matters.

I’m beautiful on the

Outside but I’m also

Beautiful on the inside

Even when it feels like

Things are messy.

I want to see and feel

All the mess because

It’s better than perfectly

Pieced puzzles. It’s better

To accept the messy

And imperfect parts

Than to accept absolute

Perfection. I would rather

See chaos rather than

The calm before the storm.

That’s what we are.

We’re accepted because

Of that.

P.S. I just want to thank the person who inspired this poem. Thank you for giving me the words to make me feel better and for some of the things said in the poem (some them are your words exactly). You’re the one who inspired me to come up with that mantra. I can’t thank you enough!!

Hello world!

One of my first loves in life was poetry. I remember when I first started writing poetry when I was at Willard Middle School. I first started writing poetry when I had Mr. Evans for English class in 6th grade. The two poems I remember writing were “My Green Eyes” and “Standing Tall.” It wasn’t until 8th grade that I realized that writing poetry is something I wanted to do. I always credit my 8th grade English teacher, Mr. Rose for encouraging me to keep writing. I kept to myself a lot, especially through middle school and high school. I felt like people didn’t always understand me because I can come off as shy and reserved. Other times I could be crazy and silly but that’s just who I am much like how writing poetry is a part of who I am. That’s why I always connected with poetry. It was like writing in a journal or taking photos for other people. That’s always the best way for me to express myself. It was an art form, but more personalized. If people wanted to know who I am or how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking about all they have to do is read my work.

I don’t always like sharing my work with other people but I do share them with people I trust. When I write poetry I feel like there’s no judgment and there’s nothing better than writing pen or pencil to paper. I almost always carry around some type of journal to write, even if it’s just the start or an idea for a poem I have running through my mind at that moment. Or if I don’t have a journal or paper I write in the note section on my iPhone. It comes in handy because I don’t always know when an idea will strike. Whenever I share something with a friend or a family member they almost always say I have a knack for it. That’s why I like sharing my work because I know how much I connect with my own work, but I know other people might have a connection to it too.

That’s how I came up with this idea to start a blog. I know that we’re all different, but sometimes we all have common threads. I’m not here to judge anybody or to change anybody’s beliefs or values. However, I do believe that we all need something to put our minds at ease and to realize that we’re not as different as we think we are. Hence the title “Messy Ties” because I’m always interested in the connections we have with other people and the different types of relationships we have throughout our lives, whether they’re romantic, friendships or “family” relationships. When looking up the definition of “relationship” online at dictionary.com I came across this: [a relationship is] “the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other.” Another definition of relationship is the following as well: [a relationship is] “the way in which two or more people or things are connected.”

Another reason why I wanted to do this blog because it’s the New Year. One of my new year’s resolutions was to try something new and that’s what I’m doing with this blog. I’m trying something new but I’m also stepping outside of the box. So this is my sharing with you, enjoy!! I’m also sharing a poem or two with you.