Tag: messy ties

One Source of Inspiration: Demi Lovato

I know that I have talked about one of my personal heroes. In fact I think part of the reason why I started this blog was because of her. So if you have been following Messy Ties since day 1 you all know how I feel about her. At the time when I started this blog I also started to read her book Staying Strong: 365 Days a Year. It was a great book. I have also seen her in concert and it was by far one of my favorite concerts. It is also the first and only concert (so far) that I have seen solo. The one thing I really appreciate about Demi is being open and honest about her personal struggles. I also find her to be a more reliable role model than most girls in my generation. I did not have some of the same struggles as her, but at the same time I knew some of the stuff she has gone through. Just listening to her music is inspiring and can sometimes even be therapeutic.

I can go on and on about Demi, but I will let this poem speak for itself. This is for Demi, may you continue to be a source of inspiration not only for me, but for other girls and others who are struggling. You are amazing in every way whether you realize it or not. I will conclude with one quote by Demi. She says, “I have come to realize that just making yourself happy is most important. Never be ashamed of what you feel. You have the right to feel any emotion that you want, and to do what makes you happy. That’s my life motto.” So in other words, do what is best for yourself at the end of the day and you are allowed to feel whatever you want to feel. With Demi’s birthday right around the corner I thought it would be an appropiate time to post this. Happy (early) birthday Demi!! I will continue to be inspired by you every single day. P. S. The poem down below is for a competition I was a part of back in May/June called “Tortured Souls” and I ended up winning. This poem is for all the girls out there who continue to struggle. As Demi would say, you are not alone.

Photo from http://www.picslyrics.net/lyrics/demi-lovato-heart-attack.html?row_id=88437

To Demi – The Warrior Queen

Like a skyscraper that emerges from the dust
You come completely from the ground up.
The hurtful words and pain may dig into your
Skin like tattoos or scars, but never combust
Into smaller pieces, hoping you can be a cup
That is empty. Demi, you are constantly at war

With yourself in the hopes of being perfect like
Everyone else, wanting to be skinny and pretty,
But don’t you know you are perfect like a gem?
You may think you are down to your last strike
Of the game, longing for its close, but the city
Lights still shine for you. As you crave mayhem,

Alcohol and drugs in order to numb all the pain
Within your soul, I know the girl that desired to
Be loved again. You taught me to see the world
Through new eyes because through all the rain
Soaked windows there is the bright hope you
Prayed for every day and night. Your furled

Secrets and insecurities lay buried so no one
Can take them or use them against you. I see
You waiting in the shadows with smiles and
That are just a show or fake. You try to run
Away from the underlying truth. I would see
Parts of you in me. I wished to take your hand

And show you that you are only human, not
Superhuman. You tried to love yourself
And everyone else too like you have never
Been broken before, but you already forgot
You have been broken. You are compelled
To hide yourself so no one sees you as clever

Or kindhearted and no one sees your gentle
Or soft side. I see the girl with the warrior
Exterior and who holds in her tears so she is
Not seen as weak or vulnerable. Your mental
Capabilities of coping are slipping. A corridor
In your heart opens. I feel it rising and fizzing

To the surface. I feel our spirits connecting on
A level no one could pretend to comprehend.
We let all our past memories fade and be gone.
We both know that this will never be the end.

Taking a Risk & Chance

Life I feel like is all about taking a risk. I think you risk more by not taking a risk, if that makes sense. That brings me to my first quote of this post by Robert Redford. He says, “Not taking a risk is a risk. That’s how I see it.” I believe he is so right because if you do not take a risk you may regret it later on and even if taking that risk does not pay off at least you took a chance. You still learn something from it either way and we should be courageous enough to take those risks. There are so many risks I have taken life and they each have gotten me to where I am today. That leads me to my next quote by Pablo Coehlo who says, “Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just a part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn’t have the courage to say “yes” to life?” Saying yes to whatever life throws at you is all about taking the risk, despite the fact you may not know where that risk might take you.

I know that in previous posts I have talked about taking a chance and I am going to reiterate some of what I said before. Take a chance, even if there is big risks involved. That brings me to a quote by CeeLo Green. He says, “I’m all about taking chances. You have to ask yourself, if you’re not taking any chances, are you actually even living? Every time you walk out of your door and you’re out in the world, you take a chance on not coming back. That is the danger and the dynamic of being alive.” So he is saying to take every chance that you can because that is a part of being alive. We do not know whether or not we are going to make it every day and that is why we should take every chance. If you die today we have to be proud of every chance or risk we took because what if we die and we did not take any of those chances or risks? What then? We have to live with that and take it to our graves. So I want to conclude with these three visual poems down below. My readers are so lucky I decided to post 3 poems instead of my usual one or two. So enjoy!!

Visual poem titled “Risk of Falling in Love.” Image from Pixabay.
Visual poem titled “Taking the Plunge.” Photo by Yeshi Kangrang on Unsplash.
Visual poem titled “Her Choice.”

Shaken Faith

I am not a super religious person, but sometimes I feel like I am a spiritual person. I still have faith. Some might say faith is when you believe in God, but it could also be defined as something you do not question. There are some days when we question that faith or when our faith is completely shaken. I think this quote by Marya Hornbacher explains a little bit of what I am talking about. She says “I do have faith. I don’t have faith that a God exists, nor do I have faith that one does not; I have absolute faith that I do not know, cannot know, am only human, am an infinitesimal creature packed onto a cramped planet crowed with seven billion bodies, and as many yearning hearts, and as many questioning minds.” So in other words, it does not matter if we truly believe in God or not because that is besides the point.

Some might say faith cannot be shaken, which can be true too! It is like what Jacob Needleman says. “Faith cannot be shaken, it is the result of being shaken.” So in other words it us ourselves that are being shaken, not our faith, but I could be wrong for the meaning behind that quote. My point is that sometimes there is an experience that shakes our faith to the very core. I am going to make this post on the shorter side so I will conclude by saying that do not let that experience make your faith disappear completely because faith and hope is a very important thing to hold onto. I strongly encourage my readers to do the same and to believe in their faith, religious or not. I will conclude with one last quote (author unknown) that says, “Faith. It’s all about believing. You don’t know how it will happen. But you know it will.” So faith is all about believing and sometimes you do not know why. Hold strong my readers because at the end of the day there is hope! Here is a poem to restore your faith.

When My Faith Was Shaken

It was when I looked love in the eye, but
I could not put my heart in it one hundred
Percent anymore. Love can put me in a rut  
I could never get out of. It has plundered  

Me and left me empty like a house with no  
Foundation. I lost that faith when I walked    
Away from one person I wanted to grow    
Old with for eternity. I thought and talked    

About him as if he was still here with me  
Now. I lost that faith when I was going to  
Lose a friendship I built from scratch. He  
Could never see past the wall I would redo    

And repaint a different color every day.  
The faith I thought I felt within my bones  
And was becoming a part of me like a ray  
Of sunshine became heavy like the stones  

Or rocks we kept in our collection. Love  
Became the tea kettle on the back burner  
And my dreams of beginning a family of    
My own were nonexistent. I was a yearner  

For stability and growth, but I could not  
Do it anymore as seasons were changing  
Frequently. I could not keep up. The knot    
In my stomach and all the feelings ranging    

From happiness to sadness to everything    
In between were not going away anytime    
Soon. I really tried to push myself and fling  
Myself into whatever erased your grime  

And smell off of me. I lost my faith once I  
Pretended to be happy instead of being    
Lonely and insecure in my skin. I would fly  
Close to the sun as my faith was fleeing  

The scene like a criminal. It left me to find  
My way across the broken glass instead  
Of staying through the night as my mind  
Was always going elsewhere. In my head  

My thoughts stopped looking for love and  
Connections I could make with others  
Because the truth is although my hand  
Is open nothing else is. The blanket covers  

Are safer than walking down the street on  
Legs with broken faith and lots of mistrust  
In love. I would rather have people gone    
Rather than staying around to love or lust  

After the girl with the broken and troubled    
Heart. Doubts were shining or glistening.  
My faith should have grown and doubled  
In size, but my faith was only diminishing  

As the days lingered. Sometimes love was
Just enough to get through the roughest  
Of days, but my faith was shaken as flaws  
Were fully exposed and even the toughest  

Of smiles did nothing in a world with liars  
And everyone who also pretended to hide  
Behind their smiles. My faith, more like fire    
Than water was burned into ash and died.

(Ex) Lovers & Summer Love

We all have exes. Whether it is an ex friend or an ex lover (as in past boyfriends/girlfriends). They are people we used to be with in the past. There is a reason why they are called an “ex.” They used to be there in your life and a lot of the time they are no longer there. It is like you go back to being strangers. It is like what this quote says. “My ex? We’re not friends, we’re not enemies. We’re just strangers with some memories.” Sometimes you can remain friends or at least act friendly towards each other, but that is a rare occurrence and is for those who are mature enough to handle it. That also takes time on both ends. But that is not what I am focusing on here. We sometimes have a lover or relationship that only lasts temporarily like a summer fling or what we can call a rebound. Even those temporary relationships can teach us a thing or two.

Ironically I think I learned this from someone I was seeing. It is best to cut ties with an ex. Which leads me into this next quote. “The best way to get over someone is to cut off all ties.” It is impossible to get over an ex unless you cut them off completely. In fact, I feel like that is the best way to get closure from a breakup. No communication, no contact, not keeping them as friends and the last one which is really important do not go back to exes. It is like going back to something/someone and you know how it is going to end. It is like what this next quote says. “Never go back to your ex. It’s like reading the same book over and over again when you know how the story ends.” Even if you are meant to be together they are an ex for a reason like I said before. That leads me right into these next couple of quotes. “When the past calls don’t answer. It has nothing new to say.” Like I said before an ex is part of your past life. There is a reason why he/she did not make it into your future.

These poems go to those ex lovers, especially to those who were able to teach us some valuable lessons in life. I also want to take some time and wish my dad and all the other dads out there a happy Father’s Day!! We would not be here without you. I am pretty lucky to have the dad I do. Today also happens to be my grandpa AJ’s birthday and the longest day of the year.

Past Lover

When our paths crossed the first time
I was caught off balance as I drank in
Your appearance and your soul was
Like a long lost friend I have not seen
In years. You made me want to climb
To the top of the mountain and begin
Anew. You took off the band-aid gauze
Pads and bandages because I have been
Through wars, but you wanted to know
My pain. I told you to be careful with me
Because my heart has been through a lot
Already and I was used to people leaving
When they see my scars. You would grow
Pretty flowers where all weeds used to be
Sprouting. You thought of me and brought
Comfort when you know I was grieving
For someone else’s love I lost. You were
More than a friend or lover because you
Were my shield and you were what kept
Me forever grounded. You only wanted
To protect me. What used to be a blurry
Speck on the horizon became clearer to
Me. You held me tight as shadows crept
By but I was no longer being haunted
As I was already lost within your hugs,
Kisses and a presence better than drugs.

Photo by Arnel Hasanovic on Unsplash

Our Summer Memories

I know summer memories are supposed to fade away
Once fall and winter days come rolling around, but
How am I supposed to forget that summer with you?

I remember laughter, tears and sunshine as we sway
With the stars twinkling in the night sky and the gut
Wrenching feeling that this summer is not going to

To last forever like I wanted it to. I was only looking
For something temporary, but then you came in with
That megawatt smile, those sunshine eyes, that ocean

Breeze hair and I was easily losing my steady footing.
There was something magical. Everyone had a myth
That love is only for the summer, but as the motion

Of the waves are deeply felt within our souls there is
A lie behind that truth because I felt our love even as
The days became shorter. The elastic cord that holds

Us together was still very strong. Summer love fizzes
Out before there is a second chance, but your topaz
Eyes are ones I will not forget. We were summer gold.

Where I Bloom & Come From

I have really taken the time to reflect on where I bloom and come from both personally and as a poet. I have to say that I have come far. I think for both they have changed for the better. When I look up bloom on the dictionary one of the definitions is the following: “to flourish or thrive” (from dictionary.com). Or it could mean the following as well. “Bloom (noun): A beautiful process of becoming.” Either one of those definitions is correct in my mind. However, blooming is not always a beautiful process I feel like because sometimes it can be downright messy, but still you are becoming someone or something. That is what blooming is all about and at the same time you do not forget where you come from. I think this next quote by Jacqueline Woodson sums up my writing and poetry perfectly. She says, “My writing is inspired by where I come from, where I am today, and where I hope to go some day.” So in other words, my writing is an essential part of who I am and where I want to go some day in the future.

We all bloom for a reason, even if there is rough patches along the way. That brings me to my next quote. “Flowers do not bloom without a little rain. Everything has its purpose, even pain.” It is like what I was saying before about everything having a purpose and reason. A lot of time there is purpose to rain and something that is painful. Some of my work and poetry blooms or comes from a place of hurt and pain. There are a lot of incidences in which I came from a place of being broken or torn or angry or sad or upset or whatever emotion I am feeling, but my poetry has saved me time and time again. I tend to bloom I feel like from everywhere including places other people tend to overlook like the pain and something that might feel uncomfortable. That brings me to my next quote. “When you’re in a dark place, you sometimes tend to think you’ve been buried. Perhaps you’ve been planted. Bloom.” In other words, bloom from where you have been planted.

It is the best feeling in the world when you can look back and see how far you have come. I feel like blooming is a sign of growth. You bloom to grow and literally blossom. It takes strength and courage to grow, blossom and bloom. A lot of the time we tend to grow or bloom in unknown places. That brings me to my next quote by E.V., which says, “Like wildflowers; you must allow yourself to grow in all the places people never though you would.” So in other words, grow in places people would never expect from you. Yes, they will be surprised, but it is okay for things to be different. If we were all the same as we were before then we would not be growing or blooming very much at all. I know that this is a super long post, but thank you for hanging in with me. I hope that my readers take the time to really reflect on where they bloom or come from because that is something VERY important. I hope that you enjoy the following poem about my own blooming process. Cheers!!!!

Where I Bloom From

I bloom from all the cracks in the sidewalk
And where people step all over me, but do
Not take the time to admire the little things.

I bloom from the imperfections people balk
At and are too scared to see. I bloom into
Words flowers are jealous of. One springs

And blooms from all the light, but I bloom
From the darkness too. I bloom from the ash
As it led me to have new skin, hope, and life.

I bloom from a sacred and protective womb.
I bloom from the choices that left me to crash
And burn, but allowed me to learn in strife.

I bloom from the words, torn and tattered,
But yet it is poetry that becomes my savior
When I still would have been too broken or

Hurt to move on. I bloom from the splattered
Messes. I bloom from my success and failures.
Lastly, I bloom from everything people ignore.

Simplicity

Life is known for being complex, but life has simplicity in a lot of ways too. I am going to dive in with a quote right away. “There is beauty in simplicity.” There is so much truth behind that quote because we tend to think that complex in are beautiful and we overlook the beauty of things that have simplicity. There is a difference between simplistic and simplicity. When we look up simplistic in the dictionary, it says the following: “characterized by extreme simplism; oversimplified.” And then when we look up simplicity it says the following: “freedom from complexity, intricacy, or division into parts.” So in other words, simplicity is directly related to the definition of simple, which is ordinary and not complex. This is going to be a short post so I will end it right here. The point is to enjoy all the simple things in life because we tend to overlook them. I am sharing two short poems I wrote. I hope that you enjoy!!

Unsettled

Your bones rattle
Like unanswered
Questions

The truth

The answer appears
On your tongue

Never Give Up & Keep Trying

I wanted to post this with everything else that is going on in this world. I know it is hard to stop trying or to give up altogether, but we cannot get to that point. Yes, we do fail many times, but we cannot let that stop us from still trying. If my readers want to see an inspirational video about this topic click here (maybe once you are done with reading this post and poem/song). Growing up I thought I wanted to be an actress. When I went to college I majored in Theatre-Arts with a focus in acting because that is what I always wanted to do. I was always one of those people who constantly heard no, especially for job interviews or for auditions. In hindsight, maybe they were not the right fit for me. I remember one time I did not get into a play that I auditioned for or maybe I chose not to audition for it, I cannot remember. But I ran into a friend who ended up getting in and he said that he’s so glad I was not a part of it because it ended up not going well at all. That leads me to my first quote of this post by Jay Ellis and this one goes out to my fellow actors and actresses or anyone who has to go out for auditions. It could be for a job interview as well. He says, “When you go out and audition, you’re going to hear a lot of ‘No’s.’ As weird as it may sound, you almost have to love hearing ‘no’ because you’re going to hear it way more than you hear ‘yes’.” So in other words you have to get used to hearing no instead of yes a lot of the time. It hurts, but it is the honest truth.

I remember I sent in a job application for a summer job that I was really excited about. I felt defeated after they told me no. I remember I told my parents and my dad responded with “Bummer. Add it to your collection and post it when you are a huge success! Make them sorry.” I had to chuckle a little bit at my dad’s text (I took a screenshot of that text and still have it saved on my phone), but my dad was so right. I did not and should not let that get in the way of applying for more jobs. I think all those nos lead to a better yes later down the road. My point is this, do not be afraid to try. As scary at is to try it may become much worse if we do not try. That leads me to my next quote of this post. “Don’t be afraid to fail. Be afraid not to try.” In other words, do not be afraid of failure because we all experience failure, even the most successful people in this world have failed countless of times and we should be more afraid of not trying. When you do not give up and keep trying goes hand in hand. In fact, those are just some of the thing we can do to live a full life. That leads me into this next quote by Roy Bennett who says, “There are five important things for living a successful and and fulfilling life: never stop dreaming, never stop believing, never give up, never stop trying, and never stop learning.” Those five things are crucial, especially never stop trying and and never stop giving up, especially to make a point in this post.

I want to conclude with one last and final quote from one of my favorites, Shel Silverstein. He was the one who wrote “Where the Sidewalk Ends,” “The Giving Tree and some others that I really like. If you have not read any of his work you definitely should, especially “The Giving Tree” because although it is sad it teaches a valuable lesson. Anyways this is what he says. “Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” In other words, there are so many possibilities despite all the nos and you can never let any of that stop you ever!! You never know what is on the horizon, especially if it is something better than you could possibly imagine. The below poem is supposed to be song lyrics, but I have not quite gotten to it to that place. Stay tuned in because at some point I may actually turn it into a song, you never know. But to my readers, I encourage you to keep your heads up and never give up! Cheers! I am rooting for each and every one of you.

Keep Trying

You lost your pieces trying to fix or save
Someone else and when you looked in
The mirror you are never too happy with
What you see. Baby I know that you gave
Your love, trust and it never felt like a win.
Trying is something you imagine like a myth

And do not let that keep you from giving up
Because when you are thinking that your cup
Is half empty it is really half full. You have so
Much to offer the world. Your smile and glow
Are your secret weapons. Never let the world
Take it away from you. Your toes are curled
Up in happiness as you shout it out to anyone
Who is listening, I am trying and I am not done!

With every twist and turn you are heading
Down a road with no way to go, but up and
Ahead. In your mind it was never about any
Of the fame or fortune, but about shedding
Layers that weighed heavy. Every no stands
In the way. You realized that there are many

And do not let that keep you from giving up
Because when you are thinking that your cup
Is half empty it is really half full. You have so
Much to offer the world. Your smile and glow
Are your secret weapons. Never let the world
Take it away from you. Your toes are curled
Up in happiness as you shout it out to anyone
Who is listening, I am trying and I am not done!

Louise Glück Tribute

I am continuing my tribute posts to specific poets/writers I feel like deserve it and this one is no different. This one is dedicated to Louise Glück who is one of those writers who has been around for a while, but I recently discovered her after contributing to a competition on DUP in her honor. The other thing I am doing with these tribute posts is that I am posting them as close as I can to their birthdays. It helps honor them in a certain way. Glück’s birthday is April 22nd. This piece that I wrote is based on one of her most prolific pieces “Afterword” (here is the link for that piece). And for this piece I received runner up. Here it is and I hope that you enjoy reading it!!

Afterthought (Inspired by Louise Glück)

The blank pages and canvas in front of me  
Remain barren and empty. Why? Maybe  
I no longer feel any of the inspiration and  
blood flowing through my veins like they  
once did before. Maybe my voice chose  
to give out. All I can do is hope for the rose  
to start blooming again and for a miracle  
to take me back to the empty roads where  
I felt most at home. Even the changes in  
scenery did not ease my mind anymore.  

All I can think about is the world that tears  
apart at the seams. But no one seems to  
care about the darkness or shadows that  
creep in. They want to read about light  
and happiness. Death happens every day  
yet we choose to ignore it like the warning  
signs for a pending storm. We ignore the  
pain for a moment as the loss finally kicks  
in and we scramble to find the pieces. The  
pages and canvas start swaying side to side  
like a car that stops following the paved road. 

Is there an answer in the wind? Maybe hope  
is on the horizon. Maybe all the answers lay  
hidden in how I hold the pen or paintbrush.  

The inspiration could come back as the chaos 
and clutter finally depart like an airplane that  
is ready for takeoff. We were once all children 
who never had to worry about explaining our  
failures or disappointments in both life and    
love to anyone. We never had to worry about  
life’s afterthoughts. How I wish we can all be  
explorers again as the foliage becomes vibrant.  

As we grew older nothing made sense anymore  
and nothing was as important as the closed door.

Surviving Rock Bottom

We are about three months into the new year of 2020 and we have all already gone through so much. Especially with the Coronavirus going around. I know I have talked about when we hit rock bottom. A lot of the time it is hitting rock bottom and then getting back from rock bottom. In other words, it is how we survive rock bottom. If we can survive rock bottom then I feel like we can survive anything else life throws our way. First of all for those of you who do not know what rock bottom is, here is the definition from dictionary.com. “at the lowest possible limit or level; extremely low.” So in other words, rock bottom would be the lowest as one can go. You cannot go any further down. Once you hit rock bottom I do not think anything in life can scare you. That brings me to my first quote of this post. “When you hit rock bottom and survive, nothing can scare you.” I feel like rock bottom is the scariest thing one person can face.

Some people say that hitting rock bottom is one of the worst places to be, but it can also be a beautiful place to be because it gives you a chance to start over. It could be one of the worst things to happen or you can have it be one of the best things to happen to you. That brings me to my next quote. “Rock bottom is a beautiful start.” Rock bottom gives you a new start in life. Some people do not survive rock bottom, but some people do and there is some beauty in surviving rock bottom. We made the decision to not be at rock bottom again. It is like we needed the wake up call. I feel like this next quote by Christine Evangelou can explain it a little bit better. She says, “When you feel like you have been hit, dig deep and hit back. Rock bottom is not your end; it is your beginning.” In other words, do not think of rock bottom as the place where you end, but where you begin. It is like you are being reborn all over again.

There were some times in which I was hitting rock bottom emotionally and physically especially. I was not liking the person I was becoming. It is like we become someone we do not recognize anymore. I think in that moment I had to take a reality check and had to cut someone out of my life who was beginning to bring me down. Hitting rock bottom is not always easy to recognize and it can be hard pulling ourselves from rock bottom, but a lot of the time it has to be done. We do not do it for other people. We HAVE to do it for ourselves. It is like we are choosing ourselves and our mental health over anything unhealthy or toxic. We take rock bottom and we rebuild. That brings me into my next quote by J. K. Rowling, the author of Harry Potter. She says, “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” In other words, we use that rock bottom to rebuild our lives from the ground up.

The following poem is dedicated to those who not only hit rock bottom, but were also able to survive rock bottom. Hitting rock bottom is when we really become appreciative and thankful. That is what the next quote is all about. “rock bottom, Thank you for showing me I am meant to do more than just survive. Thank you for showing me I am worthy of living.” Like I said before, this poem is dedicated to those who are survivors of hitting rock bottom. You are the real heroes because that takes a lot of courage. Once you have hit rock bottom the only thing to do is to go up. I want to conclude with one more quote. I am a positive person so I want to end on a positive note. This next quote says, “When you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.” That echoes at least one of the comments I got when I posted the original poem on DUP. Wally says, “It’s insightful as to your past and where strength comes from when one has hit rock bottom because up is the only way to go.” So on that note, I hope everyone who hits rock bottom and survives will be able to go up instead of down further. The quote that comes right after the poem is one that I am beginning to hold close to my heart and sums it up quote perfectly. Thank you and cheers!!

Surviving Rock Bottom

I knew I hit rock bottom when I sat there
And I could never defend the man I loved
Anymore, not even to my best friend or

Anyone else. I promised and would swear
To myself I would never put anyone above
Me or my health. I was choosing to ignore

Everything he put me through including
The pain and sleepless nights. He did not
See the tears I kept from him. He only saw

Me as happy until I felt like I was losing
Everything I once knew like love. The knot
Remained and in the end the final straw

Was him not caring. It did not matter until
I walked away he realized it was a battle
That he would no longer win. I could have

Chosen to be bitter or shut down the spill
Of feelings or emotions, but in the saddle
I went again and my heart’s main valve

Still got cut wide open when I decided to
Move on and try to love again. This time
The pain was worse than before. Rock

Bottom was home until the sky was blue
Again and I could breathe. The rhyme
In life made sense as I am able to walk

On a path I created. Those people came
Into my life to not to necessarily heal me,
But to love, to make and break me apart

Until I became the person I was ashamed
Of. Some people bring chaos from the sea
And some came to bring me a new start.

So yes, pain ebbs and flows, but even as it
Has brung me to my knees and as I really
Began to wonder if I can continue this life

In happiness, in my veins and in every bit
Of my soul I truly carry on like a rose or lily
Blooming again after being cut by a knife.

“Life doesn’t give You the people you want, It gives you The people you need: To love you, To hate you, To make you, To break you, And to make you the person you Were meant to be.” – Walt Whitman

International Women’s Day & Bad-Ass Women

I am posting this just in time for International Women’s Day, which is today, March 8! So I am wishing all the women out there in the world a happy International Women’s Day. In honor of this day I want to start off with a quote. “Here’s to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.” In this post we talk about women and the power they have. Women are known to be soft or feminine or quiet. In fact they are taught from a young age to be those qualities. In my mom’s generation for example, the boys did shop (fixing things) and the girls did home economics (like learning to cook, do household chores, etc). The girls were also not allowed to wear pants. That was a different generation. I am not saying that home economics and shop are not important, but men should learn home economics and women should be taught to do shop. In fact, both men and women should learn both.

All of this is to say that women should be taught to speak their minds and to be loud and bold. That is why I want to keep following in my mom’s footsteps, not necessarily in the careers she has had, but in the way she works hard and never stops speaking her mind. I know I have talked about her in previous post and that is because she is my role model. She broke every mold that she was supposed to follow. Carly Simon says, “We need role models who are going to break the mold.” That is why my mom and others like Serena Williams are good role models. My mom as well as others have had careers on top of being a mother. There were points when my brother and I were younger in which she would take time off from work, but then so would my dad. They took turns over the years staying home with us. My parents are very non-traditional and that is why I love them so much.

I know this is a long post, but bear with me. This is a topic I can spend days and days talking about. The last thing I want to talk about is on the subject matter of being “bad-ass.” When you look up that term in the dictionary, the definition can be one of the following: (of a person) difficult to deal with; mean-tempered; touchy.distinctively tough or powerful; so exceptional as to be intimidating.” (from dictionary.com). It all depends on who the person is and how they grew up. Sometimes these people are badass because they had to be from a young age. I do not think of badass as something to be considered bad. Women hate being labeled as fragile like she might lose her shit (pardon my language).

It is time for a little story (sorry if you heard it before). My parents and I went to an event last year. Long story short we met Congresswoman Pramila Jayapal who made an excellent speech at this event and has done some amazing work as a Representative for the state of Washington (as it turns out she has known my dad for a long time). We ended up getting a picture with her and at one point my mom turned to me and said this what happens when women rule the world. I think what my mom meant was that women get shit done (pardon my language again). Women should not be considered to be fragile or emotional because I feel like they are more well put together than most men, especially when it comes to politics. Hillary Clinton, for example testified for 11 hours straight for the Benghazi hearing and did not flinch. Women should not be considered fragile like she is a flower and can break at any moment, which brings me to this next quote. “She was not fragile like a flower. She was fragile like a bomb.” Like I said before, I can go on and on about this subject matter.

This post and poem is dedicated to all the women out there, especially those who continue to be badass every day. And to all the hurt girls and women who are struggling we see you and hear you! I want to conclude with one final quote about loving those little girl on the inside. M. L. Stedman says, “The only thing you we can do is love that little girl as much as she deserves. And never, never hurt her!” To all the girls who are hurting, you are never alone! To all those girls and women out there, this one is for you! And we love every one of you deeply!!

Photo by Bestbe Models from Pexels

Bad-Ass Woman

She is bad-ass with her armor made
Of stone and glass. She disarms any
Man that walks by. They only know
Her based on all her outer layers.

The world took her smile. She fades
Away because there are so many
Days in which she can never show
Any signs of weakness. Her prayers  

Go unanswered because no one
Knows she is a good girl with a good
Reputation beneath. She is walking
Around with a protected heart and

A terrible attitude that makes us run
Away. She had a rough childhood.
Her parents yelled instead of talking.
They fought so she always shunned  

Any light or love from entering in
Between her fissures and cracks.  
To some she is crazy, but that is just
Because it is all she knows. What has

Her bad? Because she is used to sin  
And nothing else. She craves climax
And adrenaline. She is used to lust,
But as you are looking into her topaz

Eyes she aches for something more
And she is still that hurt little girl
Who is more used to people leaving
Instead of staying. That is how she

Became bad as she will take your
Heart. She sneaked in with her curl
Of a smile, having people believing  
What is heard and not what they see.