I know I have talked a lot about changes and making changes so sorry if some of this sounds like I am repeating myself, but I am going to also be talking about something a little different. We all go through changes, some major and some minor. Those changes take our lives in a different direction sometimes. That leads me into a quote I have come to love a lot. “In the waves of change we find our true direction.” It is a great quote because when we make changes it gets us closer to the direction in which we are meant to go in. In fact, I am going through a major change this year and it should take me in the right direction. I will not dive too much into detail since the major change is still in process, but maybe once it happens I will share with my readers some day.
Anyways, I found another quote that I also really love by Bryant McGill. He says “The tides of change have great purpose in life.” In other words, changes do have a purpose or meaning in our lives. They mean something. There can also be a change in the destination. So all of this is to say that you should embrace every change and shift in direction because although you may not always know where you will end up you will still go somewhere.
Honestly it is good to make changes especially BIG ones. That leads me to the last quote for this post by Dave Cornthwaite. He says “If you’re feeling like you need a big change in your life just start saying yes more and new things start to happen.” So in other words, say yes to change instead of saying no. I know change is scary, but sometimes we need to shake things up and break away from the same old things. So in conclusion, I strongly encourage my readers to make that change, whether it is big or small. In the end, that change will be worth it. I hope that my readers enjoy my poem!!
Making a Change
Something within my heart led me Towards you and you embraced all Of me as the fractured pieces were Finally beginning to come together.
As I set sail something in the sea’s Waves and tides changed. The wall Fell. A different direction spurred Me forward toward a new weather
Pattern that began to emerge. I was Leaving behind fog, heartbreak and Grey skies. Up ahead was sunshine. I outdistanced the old me by miles
And miles. It was simply because I never had the courage to stand There, unable to draw a new line. I had the same old and fake smiles
Day after day, but you must have Seen something in me because you Told me to say yes to the change in In my heart even as it led me down
Another path, creating utter havoc Along the highway. It might be too Tricky someday, but under my skin My soul is telling me to leave town
And one of the biggest changes of All is finding another place to love.
We just recently celebrated the 50th anniversary of when we landed on the moon. I thought I would pay tribute to that anniversary. I feel like the moon can teach us a thing or two. I feel like the moon is a symbol of hope. So if we can fly to the moon and walk on the moon I feel like anything else in life is possible. That leads me to a quote I have come to love a lot. “Once upon a time, someone believed they could fly to the Moon and walk on it. Dreams do come true.” In other words we should believe in our dreams no matter what. I feel like the moon and stars are interconnected in some ways.
I feel like there would be no moon without stars and vice versa. They are the ones to appear when the sky becomes dark at night. We learn to follow the moon and the stars equally. We all look at the moon at some point in our lives and that says so much. Both the moon and stars teach us to count our blessings. There is always someone out there who is looking at the moon too. That leads me into this next quote. “If you’re ever feeling lonely just look at the moon. Someone, somewhere is looking at it too.” So in other words, you are never truly alone out there in the world because someone is also feeling lonely. There are so many other things to be said about the moon and quotes too, but I think I will just leave everything as it is. Enjoy the pieces down below.
When I was in college I took an interesting class my senior year. It was Nature Writing. One of the writers we talked about and read in that class was Wendell Berry. I always try to broaden my horizons when it comes to reading and following an author/poet’s work. Wendell Berry is one of those people for me. He and Mary Oliver are similar in some ways because they both bring nature into their work. I feel Oliver’s is simplistic in some ways and Berry’s work is slightly more complex. Anyways, one of Berry’s pieces/poems that I came across was “The Country of Marriage.” I am including the text from that poem down below.
I. I dream of you walking at night along the streams of the country of my birth, warm blooms and the nightsongs of birds opening around you as you walk. You are holding in your body the dark seed of my sleep. II. This comes after silence. Was it something I said that bound me to you, some mere promise or, worse, the fear of loneliness and death? A man lost in the woods in the dark, I stood still and said nothing. And then there rose in me, like the earth’s empowering brew rising in root and branch, the words of a dream of you I did not know I had dreamed. I was a wanderer who feels the solace of his native land under his feet again and moving in his blood. I went on, blind and faithful. Where I stepped my track was there to steady me. It was no abyss that lay before me, but only the level ground. III. Sometimes our life reminds me of a forest in which there is a graceful clearing and in that opening a house, an orchard and garden, comfortable shades, and flowers red and yellow in the sun, a pattern made in the light for the light to return to. The forest is mostly dark, its ways to be made anew day after day, the dark richer than the light and more blessed, provided we stay brave enough to keep on going in. IV. How many times have I come to you out of my head with joy, if ever a man was, for to approach you I have given up the light and all directions. I come to you lost, wholly trusting as a man who goes into the forest unarmed. It is as though I descend slowly earthward out of the air. I rest in peace in you, when I arrive at last. V. Our bond is no little economy based on the exchange of my love and work for yours, so much for so much of an expendable fund. We don’t know what its limits are– that puts us in the dark. We are more together than we know, how else could we keep on discovering we are more together than we thought? You are the known way leading always to the unknown, and you are the known place to which the unknown is always leading me back. More blessed in you than I know, I possess nothing worthy to give you, nothing not belittled by my saying that I possess it. Even an hour of love is a moral predicament, a blessing a man may be hard up to be worthy of. He can only accept it, as a plant accepts from all the bounty of the light enough to live, and then accepts the dark, passing unencumbered back to the earth, as I have fallen tine and again from the great strength of my desire, helpless, into your arms. VI. What I am learning to give you is my death to set you free of me, and me from myself into the dark and the new light. Like the water of a deep stream, love is always too much. We did not make it. Though we drink till we burst we cannot have it all, or want it all. In its abundance it survives our thirst. In the evening we come down to the shore to drink our fill, and sleep, while it flows through the regions of the dark. It does not hold us, except we keep returning to its rich waters thirsty. We enter, willing to die, into the commonwealth of its joy. VII. I give you what is unbounded, passing from dark to dark, containing darkness: a night of rain, an early morning. I give you the life I have let live for the love of you: a clump of orange-blooming weeds beside the road, the young orchard waiting in the snow, our own life that we have planted in the ground, as I have planted mine in you. I give you my love for all beautiful and honest women that you gather to yourself again and again, and satisfy–and this poem, no more mine than any man’s who has loved a woman.
Anyways, it is a beautiful poem. I never really read any of Berry’s poems until recently because of a competition on DUP. My poem was runner up, but first let me just reiterate my point of Berry’s connection to nature like in the poem I just included above. He ties it all together and makes the connection between nature and marriage. I could go on and on, but I think I will let that poem speak for itself. I will conclude by bringing up a quote I think goes along with what this post talks about. Berry says “The earth is what we all have in common.” In other words the one thing that connects us together is our earth and that itself says so much.
There are so many other quotes I found, especially by Berry. I will bring two more quotes to the forefront. Nature is very important to our existence. Berry says, “Whether our politicians know it or not, Nature is party to all our deals and decisions, and she has more votes, a longer memory, and a sterner sense of justice that we do.” That is one of the other things we talked about in that Nature Writing class. Social/Environmental Justice and how important our environment is. It is the deciding factor in a lot of things.
I know I have brought this up before, but we must care for this earth. Berry says, “The care of the Earth is our most ancient and most worthy, and after all our most pleasing responsibility. To cherish what remains of it and to foster its renewal is our only hope.” Enjoy the poem down below and go out to enjoy nature, something that is around us every day. It is meant to be enjoyed and cherished as it is. There is a picture I included in additional to the poem.
The Promise of Marriage (Wendell Berry Tribute)
I dreamt of you walking towards me As you leave the shadows behind and The lights within your soul are brighter. I want to meet you alongside the river’s Edge – my sanctuary and where I see Us building our first home. My hand Wants to touch your skin – an igniter, A spark and something that delivers
Its promise of protecting us. I was just A wanderer, lost and unsure of where I was going next, but then you came Wearing your heart on your sleeve. Your willing heart craved wanderlust Too. You are a woman with long hair, A smile that goes with it and a name Beautiful as a dove’s call. The leaves
On the tree become greener as you Approach and meet me down the aisle. There I vow to shield you as you did It countless times, even when I was Undeserving and with the clear blue Sky above our heads I love every smile Along with the tears that already slid Down your soft face. We take a pause
To take it all in, enjoying all the early Mornings and late evenings. We laid Our love at the Earth’s feet. We look as Fall, winter, spring and summer change, But our love that sometimes turns curly Stays the same. Are we what we prayed For? We have love that is raw like topaz People dig for and is a mountain range.
I just recently posted a poem I wrote for a competition called “6 Years Ago Today…” on DUP. I ended up winning, but that is besides the point. One of the first people I met and connected with from the very beginning of my time on DUP was Ahavati. She is someone I have looked up to and is in a sense someone I would consider as a mentor. She commented on my piece and she said the following. ” This is classic Elena laced with open honesty. Good to see you posting again! Despite our future obstacles, it’s amazing how much we see we’ve grown when we look back. It really provides perspective.” Her comment led me to think about how far I came and this poem/competition gave me a chance to self-reflect. And it is true, I have come a far way despite the challenges and obstacles. That comment led me to think about this topic of self-reflection.
As I thought about 6 years ago, which was 2013 for me, it was a time when I was in my last year of college and it was a time when I was still trying to find myself in this crazy world. I did not know what the hell I wanted to do. I thought I wanted to do theatre since that is one of the things I really love. Although I am not doing much theatre now, a part of me still loves it and misses it. That is besides the point too. I feel like self-reflection is a must or an essential tool to use to get through life. I love this quote that I found about that very idea. “Self-reflection is necessary to dig beneath our own layers and visit the inner crevices of our heart and mind to develop an understanding of life.” What I must add to that quote is that self-reflection is also a way to develop an understanding of ourselves. It ties it to our past and how to create a better future for ourselves.
I feel like self-reflection is a way to tie our pasts to our now and future. Self-reflection is used in any parts of our lives, but is most definitely used after a relationship’s breakup and/or after a job’s end. That reminds me of a quote I found by Robert L. Rosen who says, “Self-reflection entails asking yourself questions about your values, assessing your strengths and failures, thinking about your perceptions and interactions with others, and imagining where you want to take your life in the future.” I feel like that is why we learn so much after relationships and jobs end. We take what we like and leave behind what we do not like. Everything in life is a learning experience and we learn more about ourselves, as well as where that takes us in the future. Those are the two pivotal moments in which self-reflection is used most.
I thought I would talk about self-reflection since we are now more than half way through the year and it is a great time to see how far we come. I will leave you all with one more quote by Paul TP Wong who says, “Time spent in self-reflection is never wasted – it is an intimate date with yourself.” Like I said before, it is a way to get to know yourself and it never is a waste of time. Anyways, I encourage my readers to self-reflect and really see how far we have all come. We learn so much and gain so much perspective when we look back. Here is my poem I was talking about earlier. I hope everyone enjoys it!!
6 Years Ago
Six years ago, I was just someone Who was trying to find her place In this world filled with chaos and Uncertainty everywhere she went.
Back then I was trying to outrun My old demons and tried to face That I might not be able to stand On my feet. Everything was bent,
Twisted and all out of shape back Then. My friendships were tested And we all made memories along The way. There were some days in
Which I thought I would be off track Or lost forever. My lungs, congested With yelling, laughter and my song Made me comfortable in my skin.
I know it is has been a while since I’ve posted here, but here I am back again. Things have been crazy as things are shifting in my life and I will share some of those shifts with you all when everything feels a little less chaotic. I was just talking about this with a friend the other day. We image ourselves when we were at a younger age, let’s say like 5 to 10 years ago. It is amazing how we pictured our lives back then and how we have come to our life today. It could have been different than what we imagined. I wish I can sometimes go back to give myself advice now that I have been through things and experienced what I would call life’s struggles.
I was also thinking about this recently because my mom and I just went to the retirement party of my 2nd grade teacher and principal at Emerson Elementary School. I was super lucky to have her as both. Plus she and my mom did a lot of work together when my mom worked in the after school program at Emerson. She was one of the best teachers I had and sometimes there are people out there who shape us to be the person we become as we get older. In fact, after my mom and I spoke at her party on the microphone, Mrs. Hodge (who we were honoring) whispered in my ear how proud she was of me. And to me that meant the world.
So, yes I do sometimes wish I could go back and change things, but there are also times when I am happy how things have turned out because I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by amazing people from the time I was a young child to my adult years. But if I were to give myself any advice, it would be something along the lines of this quote/list I found (courtesy of Sagar Parviz Ali). I would give the same list and advice to some else who is young (or young at heart). And I wholeheartedly agree with what is on this list. What follows after this list is a poem I wrote to my younger self.
Advice to my younger self:
read more
write more
practice public speaking
value friendships
memorizing is not learning
learn to invest
you are not your job
know when to leave
find a mentor
trust your gut
solve harder problems
don’t brag
don’t pretend
To The Younger Me
Dear Younger Me,
I wish that I could say that this life could be clearer, But you still have many more roads to walk and many Mountains to climb. You should look into the mirror To appreciate everything you are becoming. Have plenty Of smiles, hugs and laughter to give around because you Never know who might need it on a rainy day. Never let Anyone tell you to just be beautiful because you have blue Skies on the inside as well. You have thoughts, but you get Inside of your head too much as an over thinker. Enjoy Your youth and happiness because you deserve that above Everything else in life. Never some bad things or silly boy Sidetrack you. Nobody ever said that heartbreak and love Was going to be easy or simple. Some day you are going To find a guy who you gave your all to, but it just was not Meant to be. He is going to break you as he is showing You what that pain would feel like. You never forgot What that felt like, but never be afraid to walk away From the table when you feel like it does not serve You the right way. You may stumble and may sway, But someone will give you everything you deserve. Do not stop exploring or watching the world all around You because you deserve a world with color and sound.
…And lastly, love this life to the fullest because you never Know when it is going to give you that final push of the lever.
I am switching things up just a bit. I have been writing some poetry in a different format. One that I have not done too much of. Diamanté takes the shape of a diamond. It is a format I am willing to explore more of since when I participated in a competition on DUP with this theme/format in mind one of the poems I wrote got me first place. And the format tends to go like the following:
Line 1: Beginning subject Line 2: Two describing words about line 1 Line 3: Three doing words about line 1 Line 4: A short phrase about line 1, a short phrase about line 7 Line 5: Three doing words about line 7 Line 6: Two describing words about line 7 Line 7: End subject
Light & Darkness
Light steady, strong illuminating, blinding, glimmering truth reveals itself and knows secrets blackening, daring, braving shadowy, inky Darkness
Roses & Thorns
rose delicate, fragrant blossoming, growing, expanding in your sunshine there is discomfort irritating, sharpening, bleeding prickly, dangerous thorn
P.S. And as you can see I am keeping this post very short. But the lesson is to always try something new because you never know where it might lead you.
We all have those days right? Those days when things just do not go right and we begin falling apart. It happens to all of us at some point or another, but sometimes we wonder who or what is there for us when we have those days or moments when we do fall apart. I am so lucky I have some people who have been there for me when I feel like many things in life are falling apart, but there are some days when I feel no one is there to see me in those moments when I fall apart. In those moments you feel so alone and helpless. What sucks is that some people leave you when life is falling apart. I do not want to make this post any longer than it has to because I think I have talked about some of this stuff before. I will conclude this post with a quote by Marilyn Monroe and a poem. Here is what Marilyn Monroe says. “I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right. You believe lies so that you will eventually learn to trust no one, but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” In other words, things, including yourself fall apart for a reason and there are better things that will fall together. Sometimes you just have to wait and be patient. Finally, here is a poem for you. I hope that you enjoy it!
When I Fall Apart
I come to you with my vulnerability and heart Covered in imperfections, blemishes and scars. Darling, you are there to watch the bright stars With me, but when I want to be brave and dart
Out into the middle of the rain will you join me? We will be wet and dripping with all of the tears Streaming down my face. Sometimes those fears Come in like the moonlight and the shadows I see
Creeping In the middle of the night, but will you Keep them at bay for my sanity? Will you catch Me when I keep on falling? Like a gate’s latch You are my safety net, but is it ever enough to
Keep me from running away or falling apart? I Have no one else to turn to when I cannot love Myself enough to be keeping doubts away. Of Another place and another time I would try my
Best to love you back with all that you deserved. Honesty, loyalty and every inch of me. All from My mind, body and soul, but I am too numb To feel anything in this lifetime. I have reserved
Too many spots in my heart for someone to take And take, giving nothing back in return. I am sick And tired of it all. So who is there for me? A brick And wall over my heart to keep away the ache
People are afraid to keep a hold on. They are leaving Me to carry the hurt, but I someday I will stop grieving.
For people who know me this is going to sound like a repeat just a little bit. I want to talk about something that is important, especially to me, which is family history. Now, I know some of you do not like talking about it, especially if it is painful or it is unknown. Growing up, whenever we had to do one of those family trees, I always did my mom’s side of the family since that is always the side of the family I was familiar with or knew a lot about, but there was always some questionable parts to my mom’s family like my grandfather’s parents (my great-grandparents), especially since my grandfather’s mom was adopted and we never really knew much about her because of that. As it turns out and we just discovered this recently that my mom’s side of the family is Jewish as well.
Anyways, as I grew up and became an adult, I have been connecting with my dad’s family, maybe because of the family reunions when we would go visit St. Louis or maybe because I met my namesake’s adult son or maybe I just wanted to know more about his family’s history. Family stuff is hard to talk about because a lot of my dad’s family was lost in the Holocaust and he lost both of his parents. I would have loved to meet them because they sounded like truly wonderful people, but then of course my brother and sister would have not been named after them. I think knowing things about my family, especially my dad’s side of the family, unlocks something inside of me. It is like a quote I just recently found. “Learning your family history is the key to unlocking who you are.” In other words, knowing your family and what what they are about helps you become who you are. It is like there is this whole generation that came before you.
My dad’s side of the family came to this life for a better life. That is what this country is all about and that is the very foundation of what this country was built on. We welcome people from all sorts of backgrounds from all parts of the world, regardless of age, gender, sex, race, religion, etc. We should welcome everyone with open arms, after all because this country was founded by immigrants. If my dad’s family were alive to this very day, they would be highly disappointed for how backwards this country is going. The very reason my grandparents came here is now the reason why people are being turned away. People who are looking for a safer place to be than where they used to be are being told to not come here. Asylum seekers are being turned away and I am disappointed, but I am not here to get into politics because then people argue and disagree about it.
The whole point of this post is to remind people to honor and remember our family history because there will be a day when those stories will be forgotten or will not be passed down to the next generation. That will definitely be a shame because we have to remember who we are and where we came from. After all, we carry parts of our family history and heritage with us. Here is a poem to honor my family, especially my dad’s side.
A name I was given that is derived from Helen, meaning the bright one and
The shining light. Beautiful like Helen of Troy, but I was named after my
Dad’s cousin Helen Greenberg Palkes, who went back to school and got her
Degree. She never gave up her dream of working with kids. I always stand
Proudly alongside her although she is no longer here, but I will always try
To let her legacy live on inside of me years later. She never let anyone deter
Her from what she was meant to do just because she was a woman ahead of
Her time. Her son Henry told me this story of Helen making a kid stop crying
In a grocery store when she had a lollipop. The same woman who introduced
Quality family time at the dinner table and had a heart full with so much love
For other people, regardless of age, gender or race. An angel with an undying
Love for someone she never got a chance to meet and I am seed she produced.
My dad’s family name that goes back many generations and we cannot ignore
Its history or bloodshed like when his family narrowly escaped the Holocaust.
They came to this country for a better and new life. They planted the seed for
Prosperity and the next generation of Salnikers to live a life they never crossed
Like a bridge. Some of them never seeing anything, but death and hopelessness.
They emerged from danger, knowing that when they make it to the other side
Of the world the pieces will heal from this world’s brokenness and sadness.
A name which is sewn together like a beautifully interwoven tapestry, rich with
So much history and strong family pride. A name etched into stone and concrete.
I have been a huge fan of Dr. Seuss from the time I was a kid until now. Yes, his work is full of silly rhymes and childlike things, but his work is very meaningful, even in today’s world. I loved a lot of his books like “Green Eggs and Ham,” but one of my favorites is “Oh, the Places You’ll Go” and in fact, I got that book as a graduation present from my parents. No matter what age you read that book at it is still a great book to have in your collection. And here is an excerpt from that book.
Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to Great Places! You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
I wanted to keep this post short, but I also wanted to show my appreciation for Dr. Seuss. So here is a piece I wrote and I got first place for it on my favorite site DUP, which I have talked about before. Here it is and happy reading!! And thank you Dr. Seuss for being such a huge inspiration! Happy birthday to you.
All the Places You’ll Go! (A Take on Dr. Seuss)
You are traveling to cities and meeting new faces. You are exploring every new culture and lose traces Of your previous life. You find new people to fall In love with and you will have stories to tell. The wall Will be crumbling and is falling at your awaiting feet. There are many snow-capped mountains you can defeat.
You conquer anything. Oh, the places you’ll go! And Yes, you will be on your merry way to stand Tall against the naysayer’s nonsense. You have smarts Locked in that big brain of yours and have many hearts Made of gold beating in your thick-skinned chest. You choose all you want to be different than the rest.
Oh, the places you’ll go! Memories made among stars And between blades of grass. Your imperfect scars You forget about as you closed your eyes and this world Takes you to a different galaxy. The thoughts that uncurl And you stand there fully transfixed. You will arrive At your destination with unmeasured breaths. You drive
Down the west coast with the wind in your hair. Oh, The places you’ll go! Life is like a fireworks show Because all you can do is sit back and enjoy it before It passes you by. You will be watching a new door That opens and see sights from a bird eye’s view. Tears sprouting from your eyes helped you as you grew.
Remember the smiles and every time you got splattered Messes on your clothes. You thought you never mattered Or would make it, but there you are saying to yourself… Oh, the places you’ll go! Your love stays on the high shelf And someone will be lucky to get it one day, but you walk Your streets. You are like Mary, but ahead of her flock.
Home… we sometimes think of it as a physical place, like the place where we grew up or childhood home, but some of us are not as fortunate to have a place like that because they moved around a lot or never think of it as a physical place. In that case, it is like a feeling or emotion because it gives you safety and security. There is a quote by Cecelia Ahem who says “I’ve learned that home is not a place, it’s a feeling,” and as I have gotten older I have realized the same thing. There have been times where I have left home and have been homesick, but what makes a home is the people you surround yourself. Yes, I did miss my bed and childhood house, but I also missed the people that made it a home. I missed my parents, family and friends.
Everyone defines their home in a different way, whether it is a place like their hometown or city or state or country. Some people may define it as the people like their family, friends, significant other, etc. Whatever your definition of home it does not matter. My definition of home is a few things like my family and friends, but it is also what I have talked about before. It is every notebook and piece of paper where I have written my poetry. After all, it has made me safe and it helps me in ways I never thought was possible. I think I can go on and on about what home feels like, but I believe everyone gets my point about it so I am going to leave it here. Here are two poems about what home feels like. One being a person and one is a place. I hope that you end up enjoying them!! And happy (belated) Valentine’s Day!!