Tag: sadness

Depression/Sadness/Anxiety

Just giving everybody a heads up on this deeply personal and emotional post. Depression….Sadness….Anxiety….These are all things that we have dealt with at some point or another because we have gone through them ourselves or we know people who suffer from them or a combination of both. Sadness is something that is pretty much self explanatory, so I am going to leave that one alone for now. I do not think people realize how terrifying and draining these are. “Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. It’s the fear of failure but no urge to be productive. It’s wanting friends but hate socializing. It’s wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely. It’s caring about everything but then caring about nothing. It’s feeling everything at once then feeling paralyzingly numb.” You have these two conflicting emotions to deal with. I am not a complete expert on these subjects, but I have felt them at some point or another in my life because we are being honest here.

These are emotions and feelings that just take over. We cannot, for the most part, control what or how to feel in these situations. People have panic attacks and sometimes depression hits you at random times. You just have to ride out the waves and just realize they never go away completely. These go into the category of mental illnesses which are really serious. I highly encourage my readers to talk to a licensed professional if they or anybody they know has this illness, especially depression.

When it comes to this subject matter I hope people realize that they are not alone, myself included. Loving these people can be challenging, but have patience. They need as much help as they can get. The worst thing you can do is to tell them to get over it because the sad truth is that they cannot. Hang in there and do not forget to breathe, especially having anxiety. Never make fun of people who have mental illnesses ever and it is never something to be taken lightly. It is something that people have to deal with on a daily basis. Just know I am right there with you.

Letting Everything Take Over

What if I let the darkness take over and consume me?

Just for a moment the peace and quietness will take control

Over me. I can forget about my racing thoughts and I will see

 

That I am not that broken girl anymore. I will be whole

Again just for that frozen memory and time.

Every bit of sadness that washes over me stole

 

Every part of the happy girl I used to be. I cannot climb

To the top of the mountain anymore because I have lost

That battle. The demons have won. I feel every bit of grime

 

Stuck on me. It is like living in a nightmare and holocaust

Every day of my existence. I try to always follow

The crowd. I have been looked over and have been tossed

 

Away just because I always look happy. I am so hollow

And empty on the inside, but nobody ever wants to truly

See that. They cannot stand to see me wallow

 

I get asked “Are you okay?” I have to answer them coolly

That I am perfectly okay when we both know that everything

Is not below the surface. I have no sense of my natural beauty.

Death

I know that this is never a pleasant subject to talk about, but I want to talk about death in this post, especially with all the deaths happening around the world (and especially in the United States). RIP to those who died in these terrorist attacks, the people who died in Orlando, other incidents happening around the world, and people getting killed by cops. Death is extremely hard to talk about because to a lot of people it gets personal and causes a lot of grief. I have not personally experienced  a lot of deaths. There was a family friend that passed away and my grandpa died back when I was a lot younger (my grandparents on my dad’s died before I was born). I would not know what to do if my grandma (on my mom’s side) passed away because she means the world to me and we are extremely close.

What is that one thing that comes with death, besides grief? That would be pain and a lot of the time, sadness. No matter how hard death is, we sometimes have to focus on the positive side as well, even if we have to squint. It is a celebration of that person’s life and all that they have done. We all have our role models who have passed away (mine include Maya Angelou, Robin Williams, Prince, David Bowie, Alan Rickman, etc.) For other people it may vary. So if anybody has ever known someone (plural too), I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. I want to include a quote right here.  “We talk about them, because we’re proud. We talk about them because they deserve to be remembered. We talk about them, because even though they are not physically with us, they are never far from our mind. We talk about them, because they are a part of us, a part that we could never ignore or disown. We talk about them, because we love them still and always will. Forever. Nothing will change that.” Scribbles & Crumbs

Death can be as literal or as symbolic or as imaginative as we want it to be. Although we know people who have died, we can also apply that to thing(s) that are not people like relationships. While we mourn for people who have died, we have also mourned for a relationship that has died or faded away. In both cases we are saying goodbye. I think that it is especially important to come together and stand together.

There is a little inspiration behind this poem. Like everybody else I listen to music and one song that I came across is Sam Smith’s “Lay Me Down.” For people who do not know this song, it goes something like this:

Can I lay by your side?
Next to you, you
And make sure you’re alright
I’ll take care of you
I don’t want to be here if I can’t be with you tonight

I love Sam Smith plus his lyrics because they personal and moving. This poem I wrote is in mourning of a guy (who I figuratively lost and is still hypothetical), but can be applied to any person or thing that has died (especially to those people killed by cops). May you all rest in peace! And on a somber note, happy reading to everybody and just know that you are never truly alone. There will be a day where we are reunited once again in a world, hopefully filled with better things that what life has to offer now. Whatever happens, I will be right there beside you. There will be a day where we will get past these deaths (maybe not today, but some other day). Lots of love!! P.S. Just a little side note here that this post is dedicated to the victims in Orlando, Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, Dallas cops, and to countless amounts of other victims. May you all rest in peace.

Reunited Once Again

Lay me down next to him

So he does not feel so alone

In this world that has let

Him down. I want to crawl

Into this cocoon with him

So that he knows that I am

Right there with him. He may

Be as dead and cold as his

Tombstone, but nothing

Including the rain could ever

Disturb the peace. Although

He is lifeless and still, he will

Be alive in my mind where

We are dancing. We are

Laughing and smiling

Although he is no longer

Walking this earth. I am

Missing the twinkle in his

Eyes and the swagger in

The way he moves. I just

Know that we will meet again

And be back to how we used

To be. Now I have to imagine

This life without you in it.

I wished that I would be able

To tell him “I love you”

For the last time, but

He already knew that.

There will always be a

Missing piece in my heart

That he took with him

When he left. He knows that

I will never forget him just

Like I know that he will

Never forget me.

Is this why this is all so painful?

Does moving on truly hurt?

Yes, it does hurt, but I have

To move on. I have to do this

For the both of us. We will

See each other again

In another lifetime

Full with happiness, rainbows,

And other good things.