Tag: women

International Women’s Day & Bad-Ass Women

I am posting this just in time for International Women’s Day, which is today, March 8! So I am wishing all the women out there in the world a happy International Women’s Day. In honor of this day I want to start off with a quote. “Here’s to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.” In this post we talk about women and the power they have. Women are known to be soft or feminine or quiet. In fact they are taught from a young age to be those qualities. In my mom’s generation for example, the boys did shop (fixing things) and the girls did home economics (like learning to cook, do household chores, etc). The girls were also not allowed to wear pants. That was a different generation. I am not saying that home economics and shop are not important, but men should learn home economics and women should be taught to do shop. In fact, both men and women should learn both.

All of this is to say that women should be taught to speak their minds and to be loud and bold. That is why I want to keep following in my mom’s footsteps, not necessarily in the careers she has had, but in the way she works hard and never stops speaking her mind. I know I have talked about her in previous post and that is because she is my role model. She broke every mold that she was supposed to follow. Carly Simon says, “We need role models who are going to break the mold.” That is why my mom and others like Serena Williams are good role models. My mom as well as others have had careers on top of being a mother. There were points when my brother and I were younger in which she would take time off from work, but then so would my dad. They took turns over the years staying home with us. My parents are very non-traditional and that is why I love them so much.

I know this is a long post, but bear with me. This is a topic I can spend days and days talking about. The last thing I want to talk about is on the subject matter of being “bad-ass.” When you look up that term in the dictionary, the definition can be one of the following: (of a person) difficult to deal with; mean-tempered; touchy.distinctively tough or powerful; so exceptional as to be intimidating.” (from dictionary.com). It all depends on who the person is and how they grew up. Sometimes these people are badass because they had to be from a young age. I do not think of badass as something to be considered bad. Women hate being labeled as fragile like she might lose her shit (pardon my language).

It is time for a little story (sorry if you heard it before). My parents and I went to an event last year. Long story short we met Congresswoman Pramila Jayapal who made an excellent speech at this event and has done some amazing work as a Representative for the state of Washington (as it turns out she has known my dad for a long time). We ended up getting a picture with her and at one point my mom turned to me and said this what happens when women rule the world. I think what my mom meant was that women get shit done (pardon my language again). Women should not be considered to be fragile or emotional because I feel like they are more well put together than most men, especially when it comes to politics. Hillary Clinton, for example testified for 11 hours straight for the Benghazi hearing and did not flinch. Women should not be considered fragile like she is a flower and can break at any moment, which brings me to this next quote. “She was not fragile like a flower. She was fragile like a bomb.” Like I said before, I can go on and on about this subject matter.

This post and poem is dedicated to all the women out there, especially those who continue to be badass every day. And to all the hurt girls and women who are struggling we see you and hear you! I want to conclude with one final quote about loving those little girl on the inside. M. L. Stedman says, “The only thing you we can do is love that little girl as much as she deserves. And never, never hurt her!” To all the girls who are hurting, you are never alone! To all those girls and women out there, this one is for you! And we love every one of you deeply!!

Photo by Bestbe Models from Pexels

Bad-Ass Woman

She is bad-ass with her armor made
Of stone and glass. She disarms any
Man that walks by. They only know
Her based on all her outer layers.

The world took her smile. She fades
Away because there are so many
Days in which she can never show
Any signs of weakness. Her prayers  

Go unanswered because no one
Knows she is a good girl with a good
Reputation beneath. She is walking
Around with a protected heart and

A terrible attitude that makes us run
Away. She had a rough childhood.
Her parents yelled instead of talking.
They fought so she always shunned  

Any light or love from entering in
Between her fissures and cracks.  
To some she is crazy, but that is just
Because it is all she knows. What has

Her bad? Because she is used to sin  
And nothing else. She craves climax
And adrenaline. She is used to lust,
But as you are looking into her topaz

Eyes she aches for something more
And she is still that hurt little girl
Who is more used to people leaving
Instead of staying. That is how she

Became bad as she will take your
Heart. She sneaked in with her curl
Of a smile, having people believing  
What is heard and not what they see.

Obsessions

We all have obsessions as human beings in one way or another. Whether it’s perfection, money, fame, love or something else… sometimes we just have to live with this “obsession.” I feel like having an obsession could either be a great thing or something that is extremely bad. When you are passionate about something that could be seen as something good, otherwise I feel like it could be a habit that could turn into something horrible. Anyways, here is a quote about a good obsession from Billie Jean King. She says, “Obsession can sometimes be a good thing! No one changes the world who isn’t obsessed.” On the other side we have some situations in which obsession can be a bad thing, which leads me to another quote. Norman Mailer says, “Obsession is the single most wasteful human activity, because with an obsession you keep coming back and back and back to the same question and never get an answer.” So in other words, obsession can leave you with more questions than answers. A lot of the time that feeling is horrible and can leave you empty.

Sometimes as women especially we are taught to be obsessed with perfection and looking beautiful as we see all of that within the beauty industry. We are also taught to be looking for love from someone else. We are teaching girls all about that and that is the WRONG kind of obsession because outer beauty does not matter as much as our inner beauty. Yes, appearance does matter, especially in professional settings such as when she works, but we should not teach little girls to become beauty queens. That is an obsession that can be carried around for a lifetime. It is something that is forever ingrained. Instead we should be teaching girls and women to be comfortable in who they are. That leads me to my next quote by Sandra Cisneros. She says, “I am obsessed with becoming a woman comfortable in her own skin.” That is an obsession we should be touching everyone, man and woman.

It could lead to something bad later down the road. That brings me to my next quote. Greg Carlisle says, “Anything that inspires addiction or obsession – substances, entertainment, beauty, secrecy – is dangerous in that it can lead to isolation, self-absorption, and disconnection, to paralyzed stasis: an immobility that gathers like a force.” Like I said the wrong kind of obsession can lead to bad habits. I want to end this post by saying obsessions are obsessions. They are things that are deeply ingrained. I have included two poems down below. The second one is a visual poem titled “Obsession with Perfection – Visual Poetry.” I hope my readers enjoy these poems!! Sorry if my post feels like its rambling on and all over the place. There is so much to be talked about in this subject.

Little Obsessions

She was still a little girl who carried her insecurities around like a blanket
And was always obsessed with finding perfection all around her because
She could not find any perfection within herself. She already had cut

Herself too deeply to care if she was still bleeding. She knew the cause
Of her pain, but it was another one of her obsessions to keep it all to
Herself until she was drowning and completely submerged. Her flaws

Are like track marks and a road map on her body, beautiful but not new
To her. I know she tries hard to forget the inflicting words she has heard
Her whole life. Parts of herself that she keeps to herself. When you

Love someone like her, I promise you that she will mean every word
Because for her they come directly from her heart. Her obsession
With words never diminishes because she wants to be a free bird.

Disrespect of Women

There are so many topics we all get sick and tired of hearing about. One of those is the disrespect of women, especially with the whole thing around Donald Trump and Harvey Weinstein. It is the 21st Century, but it makes me feel like we are back in the ’50s or something because we are still treating women with disrespect almost every single day. It makes me sick and tired because women deserve better. We have to do a better job as a country and as a nation to take better care of our women. After all, we come from women, so what gives us a right to disrespect women? Tupac pretty much says it the same way. He says “A woman brought you into this world, so you have no right to disrespect one.” And he pays homage to them in his song “Keep Your Head Up” where he raps about how women should be treated better. Here is a sample from that song. “And since we all came from a woman/Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman/I wonder why we take from our women/Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?/I think it’s time to kill for our women/Time to heal our women, be real to our women/And if we don’t, we’ll have a race of babies/That will hate the ladies, that make the babies/And since a man can’t make one/He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one!/So will the real men get up/I know you’re fed up ladies,/But keep your head up/(Keep ya head up) Oooh, child things are gonna get easier/(Keep ya head up) Oooh, child things’ll get brighter/(Keep ya head up) Oooh, child things are gonna get easier/(Keep ya head up) Oooh, child things’ll get brighter…” So he is telling women to keep their heads up and telling the guys to respect women.

It really disgusts me how we can elect a president who disrespects women every day with rape, sexual harassment, etc. The list goes on and on. One thing about respecting women is believing them when they step forward and speak up about those things I just mentioned. That support needs to happen right now. That starts with women respecting other women. I know society has taught us to tear each other apart and to speak bad about each other. That all needs to stop. In other words, we need to have a strong community of women. Sophia Nelson says it like this. “Be a woman other women can trust. Have the courage to tell another woman direct when she has offended, hurt or disappointed you. Successful women have a loyal tribe of loyal and hones women behind them. No haters. Not backstabbers or women who whisper behind their back. Be a woman who lifts other women.” If we start there we can just do about anything. To continue more about this I want to throw in one similar like the one above, which I got from Amber Riley’s story on Instagram (she was in the TV show “Glee”). She wrote “Part of my 2018 focus will be creating deeper roots with my girls we really do need another creating a safe environment where we all feel we can share triumphs and failures.” In other words we need to make it safe for every woman.

I wrote this post purposefully almost exactly a year after the Women’s March. We went and participated in one in Oakland. It was such a wonderful experience. We went to another one this year (it was yesterday in fact). It was a wonderful turnout at this one and at other marches across the country, even across the world. I think the way to stop all of this disrespect is to continue to speak up, protest and do whatever it takes to be heard because like I said, it is something I get tired of hearing about. In fact, we should not even be talking about it today, but we are! We are going to continue to talk about it always. To quote my hero Maya Angelou “Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women.” So in other words, once one woman or in this case, one group of women, can stand up for all women. It takes a lot of work, but I know we can do it. So here is to the end of the disrespect of women although there are many other groups that are disrespected like immigrants, Blacks, Latinos, etc. and we should not forget that. Enjoy and march on!! I am with you all!

The Disrespect of Women

Women of every race, religion, shapes and sizes
Getting mistreated everyday, not making the same
Amount of money that men are. We are no prizes
To anyone but ourselves. When we have no game
Or hustle, but we bust our asses off just to get food
On the table and make a name for ourselves. Catcalls
From the street when we just simply walk by. Nude
Bodies admired when we are a size zero, but falls
Short when we have any extra body fat. Being called
Bitches and whores when we show off too much skin.
Being threatened, beaten, blackmailed or being hauled
Away when all we said was no thank you. When we grin
We are too easy. When we are frowning we are told to
Loosen up and smile. When we are supposed to please
Men and never ask any questions of why? The queue
Of men allowed to abuse and rape us repeatedly. Sleaze
Balls staring at us and asking us for our numbers when
We said we are not interested or already have a man
At home. They think they can write all over us with pen
Like we are their property and thinking they think they can
Hit us all they want to because we are small fragile creatures.
They lecture us when we have sinned and are too much of
A temptation for men. They think they become preachers,
Luring us into traps. We are told we are not worthy of love
Or respect when we want to be alone and without anyone
Else. Those lies we are being fed will always be outrun.

Girls, Women, and Ladies

They come in all shapes and forms. Whatever you want to call them… It all does not matter. I know that our country is founded upon “All men are created equal.” In this case I do not want to solely focus on the men. Although they are an important part of our lives, they are not the only important people in our lives. Men are praised for being strong and powerful, although in some cases they are criticized for not being “man” enough. What about the women all across this world? They are naturally portrayed as weak and vulnerable. Why cannot women be strong and powerful as well? And why is it that although it is the 21st century women are still being viewed as unequal to men. Women give birth to our children and still have to constantly fight to keep their rights. They get unequal pay, etc.

My whole point is that maybe it is time for women (including myself and other women I know) to put themselves first. I know that is one of the hardest things to do in this world, especially for those so used to taking care of others and putting themselves last. I have searched the internet for the right quote (trust me there are a lot) about putting yourself first and I came across this one (I also happened to find this on one of my friend’s Facebook pages, thanks in part to Caitlyn). “Happiness starts with you – not with your relationships, not with your job, not with your money, but with you.” In other words, it is all about your happiness and your life. In the end, it should never matter what other people think about you and the choices you make. Demi, my hero, talks about putting yourself first too. She says “Sometimes it is okay to be selfish. Being selfless all the time can be detrimental to your mind and body.” In other words, it is okay to be selfish every once and a while.  Give yourself permission to treat yourself with the respect and care that you deserve.

I wrote this poem for myself (I think of it as a short letter to myself), for I have been through a lot of things recently (I will not go too much into it all). This goes out to all the women both in my life and across the world. I am telling them (as well as myself) to never stop being who they are and that they should never let anybody else put them down. Just keep on being the amazing and strong women we all know we can be. This poem is for you!!

Putting Herself First

Just know that she always

Comes first, no matter if

She is struggling or trying

To make room for herself

To breathe. She is her

Own priority. In the past

She has cared too much

For other people and

What they think.

Now she is thinking for

Herself and what she

Needs to do to make

Herself happy. She has

Goals, dreams,

And ambitions. She will

Be mad and upset if

You or anybody else gets

In her way. She is a warrior

And goddess. She has this

Quiet yet strong power

And presence to who she is.

She is selfish only because

She deserves to care

For herself and because she

Has been let down before.

She has endless strength

Within her. She is her own

Walking life motto.

International Women’s Day

It’s March, which means it’s National Women’s Month, but today, March 8th is especially important because it is International Women’s Day. So happy International Women’s Day to the women who are a part of my life and to all the women across the world. We should celebrate women every day because we’re just as important as everybody else. We are all strong and we have fought for equality for many years. May we continue fighting.

All the women, especially my mother, inspire me each and every day. Regardless if it’s your mother, an aunt, a grandmother or another woman you look up to, tell her how much you admire and appreciate her. I wouldn’t be here without my mom and all of the women in my life. They have taught me to be strong, resilient, to never give up and to keep going no matter what. So thank you for all that you have done for me and for making me into the young woman I am today.

I know that we are taught to find our soul mate or to rely on a man, but my mom as well as some of my other role models like Demi, Mandy and Beyoncé have taught me to never rely on a man. I remember my mom saying that your whole life shouldn’t revolve around them. In other words, she is saying to keep going on without them and that you should not center your life around them. I am not trying to hate on guys in a general sense because I know some of them are wonderful and amazing, but we shouldn’t always have to try super hard to please them. This poem is for all the women across the world. May you girls (and women) continue to be strong, independent and always fight for what you believe in no matter what.

For All The Girls

This goes to the girl who

Always holds her head up high.

This goes to the girl who is strong.

This goes to the girl who cried.

This goes to the girl who gets

Mad. This goes to the girl who

Thinks she doesn’t deserve love.

This goes to the girl who has

Been through heartbreaks. This

Goes to the girl who doesn’t need

Or want a man. This goes to the girl

Who depends on herself and is

Independent. This goes to the girl who

Feels alone and lonely. This goes to

The girl who breaks downs and

Falls apart. This goes to the girl who

Goes for the wrong guy. This goes

To the girl who feels the pressure.

We are all those girls and many more.

We stand together and we fight.

We fight to keep on going and to keep

Pushing. We will fight to love

The right person. We will fight

To make sure we are truly happy.