We all have things that are left unsaid, especially when it comes to someone who left or died. This someone may have hurt you or vice versa. In some way these things that are unsaid impact you in some way. These people have an impact on you as well whether you realize it or not. That brings me to my first quote by Sara Zarr, who says, “There are certain people that come into your life, and leave a mark. I’m talking about the ones who, for whatever reason, are as much a part of you as your own soul. Their place in your heart is tender, a bruise of longing, a pulse of unfinished business. Just hearing their names pushes and pulls at you in a hundred ways, and when you try to define those hundred ways, describe them even to yourself, words are useless. If you had a lifetime to talk, there would still be things left unsaid.” In other words, there are people who have an impact on your life and even if you had all the time in the world to talk to each other there will still always be things that will be left unsaid.
These things that are left unsaid also stay with us no matter what. Which brings me to my next quote, which says, “Things left unsaid stay with us forever.” I think I already summed that quote up perfectly already, but I will reiterate. The things left unsaid stay with us permanently, no matter what happens in life. They linger and stay with us.
Sometimes there are things we wish we would have said and sometimes I write those things into poems/letters. It is the best way to get it out even if that person does not see those poems/letters. Those people are such a huge part of our lives and even if we left on bad terms there are some things that are going on in our lives currently that we wish we could tell them. My point is this, even if you do not send those poems/letters it gives us closure in some way or the other. It gives you that clarity that you did not get before. It especially helps when there is physical distance between you and that person.
I wanted this post to be one of the first ones of the new year because it is like starting with a new slate. In a way you are writing your thoughts without really sharing it with anyone or anything besides paper. That brings me to one final quote by Nancy Ducey. She says, “There are letters I have written, unspoken words I must release. I bare my soul on paper, but in the end it is only ink.” So here is a poem that I wrote in some sort of letter format in the hopes that I am able to get almost everything out that I want to. The second one is a letter that I did indeed write and neither one of them had been sent. And I encourage my readers to do the same. Sit down and write a poem or letter, but do not send it. I hope that you all enjoy these poems/letters.
Unsent Letter
I have to write this with a clear heart
And head. I just wanted a fresh start
Miles away from where we met and
Fell in love. I never could understand
How one person who always had my
Heart could be the one to have me cry
Because as I tried to believe in us you
Were shutting down and carried too
Much weight on your shoulders. Even
When I was walking away on uneven
Ground as my balance was slipping
Fast, my eyes were still dripping
With tears of the final goodbye. I just
Knew I tried to move on as the lust
And love were still trying to tug or pull
At my heartstrings one time. I was full
Of doubts and questions. All of this
To say that although I will truly miss
The person and memories that came
With us things we were not the same
As we once were. We are now grown
And changed as the world has shown
Us a different life. Different jobs, hair,
Journeys and destinations. The air
Has changed too because gone are
The days when I could not move far
Along the path I wanted to follow.
So forgive me if I ever sound hollow,
Shallow or selfish because I truly
Did it for myself. I walked from a duty
And promise to you. Although I still
Wait for that one message I fulfill
That promise I made to myself long
Ago of loving myself and staying strong.
To a Poet I Once Knew
September 20, 2018
Oakland, California
Dear D.,
I hope that this letter finds you well. I have been thinking of you lately as the sunsets remind me of our short time together. All I can think about is the first time we kissed as the city lights felt as if they were miles away. For that one moment my heart felt steady and I just knew that it belonged in your hands. Just as the better days were approaching after the hurricane, I found warm shelter within your embrace.
I am forever thankful as I swiped right on Tinder, even though I did not know your story or recognized you in the flesh. Flash forward to 4 months later and our story was ending although I was scared to say goodbye, but I had to say goodbye because although the good memories were there the days leading up to this final climax were coming fast. I could do nothing, but cry that night when you said it was over because who was the guy I was falling for? Because I did not see or recognize the man you became. It is like the time you told me that you did not want to make me cry but looking back now it is a lie. All the memories associated with you are tainted.
This letter to you is to not wish you any ill or bad feelings, but to remember the good and bad times we had together. No matter how many times I have been going around in circles with questions like… Why you? Why her? Why did this have to happen? But neither one of us have the complete answers. Sometimes people like you are just meant to be in our lives for a short time like a stranger who has become a friend and lover. Then they go back to becoming a stranger again.
I have been trying to find it in my heart to forgive you because although you let me carry the weight of the world you also gave me every reason to be alive again. You gave me every reason to grow and carry myself like the woman we both know I could be. And for that I am thankful, but maybe it is best for us to move on like I know you already have. I wish you nothing, but happiness and hope that the sunshine still finds you wherever you are. I hope that you continue to follow the path you have created for yourself and just know that even though we are miles apart I know you will conquer the world one day.
Take Care,
Elena
