Hi everybody. Sorry I have not written for a while (things have been way crazy with the start of classes and all of that). I just celebrated turning 25 (just a couple of weeks ago). For some reason I was really dreading turning 25 this year, in part because 25 is another important age for me and maybe my life is not as together as I thought it was going to be at this age (also 25 is making me feel a little bit old these days). I also thought 18, 21 and now 25 are important ages because in my mind they signify something. Birthdays have come and gone in the past, but this one hit me a lot harder than some of the others.
I was talking to a lot of people about feeling mixed about turning 25 this year (including my therapist who I see once a month). I thought that I would be in a stable job and relationship. I also thought that I would have a better sense of my life and when I fast forward to when I actually turned 25, I have no job (at least not yet) and I do not have a steady/serious relationship with any guy (not yet). I was having pretty high expectations about where my life is going versus where it is not going. My therapist pointed out that I have to throw out my rules and expectations about turning 25 (because they do not need to be applied to my life).
There is at least a few life lessons to be learned here. The first one is to throw out the rules and just enjoy your life wherever you are. The second thing to remember is that age does not matter. The third is to experience the lows, but do not forget to experience the highs too. There is no set rules or expectations of where your life should be and pay no attention to those who are way ahead of you (they are a completely different kind of people). This is a perfect moment to mention a quote (that I just recently found) to sum up what I mean. “Just because you took longer than others, doesn’t mean you failed. Remember that.” Sometimes when I get discouraged, I have to remember how far I have come.
I hope that all of my readers embrace all that they have accomplished and remember that we all have our whole life ahead of us (especially when we are young). I hope that you enjoy this poem that I have included below. It serves as a reminder and that we are not alone (when it comes to being in a dark place). Hold on tight.
Leave Me Here
The water is swallowing me up whole
And I am left without enough oxygen to
Breathe. I fight to keep my control,
But I want to fade away and turn blue
Because I am tired of being everyone
Else’s anchor. I am done being the glue
To hold everything together. Take the gun
And shoot me in the heart because I would
Rather die than live in misery. Take the sun
Away because I want to sink to where I should
Be, at the bottom surrounded by complete
Darkness and blackness. I am just driftwood
And utterly useless. I am not tidy or neat.
I would rather be messy and bloody so that
I can be ignored or passed by on the street
Without a second glance. I could be flat
Like a cardboard box and you would still never
Look my way. Hit me right in the gut
And it is guaranteed to hurt. It is better to sever
This while we still can rather than regretting
It all in the end. I would never have to endeavor
Or burden anybody again. You will be forgetting
Me soon enough just like everybody else has. So
While you are the one who is jetting
Off somewhere else and new, I want you to show
Me that I am right by leaving me here to wilt away
Just like everything else. I want to feel the low.
